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amy1993

Not coping well

 

Hey, I have just joined because of the reason that even after 3 years.. I have still not come to terms with having Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (after a brain virus).. All through school I kept it a secret except for my close friends, mainly because this other girl with epilepsy was really badly bullied - and my fits were not like hers at all. I have a complete memory wipe out, and I didnt want people to judge me or stereotype me.
I only ever had one fit in school, around my GCSES, and I sat in the corridor with my best friend and then a few seconds later my mind was wiped. I was crying, screaming, i didnt know where i was/who anyone was.
The next day people asked what happened, and I managed to just say i had a panic attack..

Well anyway, now im at college on a HEALTH care course.. and i thought people would 1.be more mature, and 2. these people wanna be nurses.. well i started getting left out of nights out, and i thought oh maybe they just dont like me.. not so bothered about that.. but then i found out its because they are scared im gonna have a fit and wreck their night They also said I am a liability. I have never had anybody say something so hurtful to me.

So im just generally fed up, I have never really accepted that I have epilepsy but I was dealing with it, yeh I did have my downdays but most of the time I was alright because I have great friends.. But these comments have totally made me at a all time low..

 I know I shouldnt listen, but it did really hurt, and now i dont want to tell ANYBODY anymore.. until i know them and trust them, but sometimes people do need to know despite that :\

 

I need cheering up and none of my friends understand what its like, and i dont expect them too. thats why i joined this website. xx

Comments

Re: Not coping well

Hi Amy,

It sounds like your feeling irritated and strained by this.  I would say you have a lot to offer to whomever would want to be around you, finnicky childish responses to you have hurt you the most and y'know what you can be bigger and better than that, if its healthcare your studying, imagine how receptive to others you are likely to be, how much more understanding, making a little difference to someone can mean a lot to ourselves.

You will meet and make great freinds and eventually you will harden to those who dont have a lot to offer.

Ross

Re: Not coping well

Hello amy1993 my name is maria and have grand-mal seizures for 15yrs i understand you some people can be mean. Growing up i never got teased  about it until one day i was at work had a seizure and pass out one of my co-workers who was older than me and had kids came up to me and told me it was funny. You would think because he has a family and was older would be mature no he impact me life alot. Now im ashamed and constently think about when is it gonna happend and where and who is gonna see me. Dont let people ignorance get to you keep your head up and be strong you dont need negative people in your life. Were not the probelm they are dont let anything stop you and live your life.

Re: Not coping well

 

Hello amy1993. Do yourself a favor, just be you. I tried to be something I wasn't and hurt myself more. I had a job that was hard physically and mentally. I was so determined to be "normal" that I didn't tell anyone about my epilepsy. I "over" did the work and everything trying to show everyone I was like them. No problems with me, I was fine!  It took years but now I will share it with others. It hurt me when I started having my bladder release at work with the staring spells, etc...  My bosses comment, "Why didn't you tell me?" She was right. I should not have been ashamed of it.

It's not the disability that defines you. It's how you deal with challenges the disability presents you with. We have an obligation to the "abilities" we do have, not the disability.     Jim Abbott

Re: Not coping well

Amy after reading your story you shouldn't be down about being yourself.  The problem is that many people out there don't understand seizures and so it scares them a lot.  I developed a seizure disorder 5 years ago and felt sorry for myself at first but then my mom told me to stop that and start being myself again.  Let me tell you something, once I started being myself again I felt great.  I think that getting this disorder actually did me a benifit.  Sometimes people say why me, well you know what I am actually happy it happened to me because it changed me for the better.  If no one wants to be around you because of your health issue than you know what, they r people you don't want around.  Real friends are going to be there for you no matter what happens.  Out of every negative comes a positive, if you choose to look for it.  I bet you if you look for one you will find it.  Amy strong people are the ones that get handed tough situations because they will always come out on top.  Well you must be a strong person because you got handed a tough situation, but you will come out on top.  Take Care Amy

Re: Not coping well

Just like to thank everybody.

I was scared about applying for University aswell because I thought I wouldnt be able to handle it.. but now I have had a change of heart... Why shouldnt i go?
I wanted to be a paramedic but I cant due to not being able to drive,, but that doesnt mean I cant do other jobs that are similar which I need a degree for.

I guess I'm gonna come across ignorant people all through life,, but they are unimportant. Aslong as I have my great friends and amazing family for support I dont need anybody else.

Obviously comments will still hurt, but Im not going to let it bring me totally down.

Re: Not coping well

Hey Amy,

I had a similar story between my A-Level and undergraduate years. That's when my epilepsy was bad; e.g. I used to have a full grand mal in class in front in my friends or I almost broke my spine on the way down the escalator on Oxford Circus tube station after university.

Your real friends will always love you for who you are such as, friendliness, warmth, personality and charm, and if they said 'you're a liability' because of your medical condition, you should be having second thoughts if this 'friend' is really your 'friend'.

University is a blast, and if that is your dream, you should pursue it. Unexpectedly, my medication hasn't turned me into an huge, angry, green monster who routinely destroys clothing. I did have hopes it would.

Rule #32 from the movie Zombieland: Enjoy the little things, Amy. Forget about these meanies / divas. Things do get better (for yourself, and people who are affected and especially care about you).

All the best & good luck with your studies,

MS

Re: Not coping well

I understand how hard it is, I've had my seizures even in class and they all freaked out on me, but like some here said, your real friends will always be there for you, I know it's hard to deal with this, I've passed all this ever since I was a little girl, now I'm 21 and sometimes people still react in a bad way.  This is not something you shoud feel bad about and especially you should not hide it, let at least people close to you know about your condition, I told my friends even though at first I felt bad and embarrased about it, but it helps to let them know in case something would happen.  Talk and let know how you feel about all of this, they will understand. They always do.

Best of luck,

SV