Shepherd,

I, like you, have TLE and PTSD (among other things.)  It makes life tough.

You may or may not have "behavioral problems."  I've noticed that psychiatry has morphed into "behavioral health."  I have no idea what that means because it is an oxymoron. 

Behaviors are neither healthy, nor  unhealthy.  Health or the lack thereof is a property of the person exhibiting the behaviors, not the behaviors themselves.

The most likely explanation for your social problems is the dysfunctional interpersonal style you learned from growing up in a dysfunctional family environment.  This is something you can learn to change.  I tought myself once I realized (at age 26 when I was having trouble at work), though I won't say it was easy.

What I did was look at people who were successful in areas where I was not.  I analysed what they did and tried it myself.  If it worked for me, I kept it; otherwise, I looked for something else.

I usually hit pay-dirt the first time, but sometimes had to go to "plan B."  Practice this with easy stuff first.  You need to make it habitual behavior.  Something you do without thinking.  Once that happens, once you have "internalized" these behaviors, you've made them your own and you will rely upon your now skillful coping strategies even when stressed.

It works.  Before I got too sick to work I was earning $175,000 a year as an IT consultant on Wall Street.  You don't get and keep those kinds of jobs, especially as a woman, unless you have some seriously effective interpersonal skills.

Social skills are learned.  Neurological impairments can make this difficult or even impossible (Autism and Aspergers are a coulple of examples), but you don't have that problem.  TLE makes life more difficult; it changes us and makes us different and different is difficult.

TLE alters the way we think and, I believe, because of that, the way we communicate.   This can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations on both sides.  Pay attention to when, how, and why the problems arise and try to figure out what went wrong so you can prevent it from occurring again.

I'm not so sure about your gobbledy-gook-speak partner.  It may just be that e-communications are easily misunderstood, but this person doesn't sound terribly supportive.  You may have sought out the same kind of dysfunctional relationship with which you were raised because that is what we do:  We are comfortable with the familiar.

Please do not start blaming yourself.  That will only make you feel worse and that will make everything worse.  Just pay attention to what works and what doesn't and when it doesn't try something else.

Best of luck.

Baruch Hashem.  Hoshia na. 

Devorah Zealot Soodak http://psychout.typepad.com/ the zealot needs help!

P.S.  My latest post: 

Carpe Diem: The Epileptic Jewish Zealot Harps Back On Jabberwocky and Lewis Carroll http://psychout.typepad.com/blog/2010/10/carpe-diem-the-epileptic-jewish-zealot-harps-back-on-jabberwocky-and-lewis-carroll.html  and 

Carpe Diem: Epilepsy Patient Abuse New Jersey Division of Mental Health Service psychout.typepad.com/blog/2010/10/carpe-diem-epilepsy-patient-abuse-new-jersey-division-of-mental-health-service.html