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Aurora06

Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

My wife is divorcing me(partially due to my epilepsy) and seeking full custody of our child(ren) primarily due to my epilepsy.  The judge has granted me temporary 50% shared physical and joint legal custody while a court appointed custody investigator makes a recommendation.  I care about my daughter and she is the light of my life.  Losing custody of her would be devistating.  Any advice, help, or support would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

I take it your wife AND your employer BOTH knew you had Epilepsy but never actually witnessed one of your seizures till 2007?????Saying you have Epilepsy and experiencing it is 2 different things,,,I know My family is having a hard time dealing with it right now and I've been married for 34 years.....I don't see how..unless there are some other underlying problems, you could lose custody of your children because of an illness...but I don't know a whole lot about all this....I guess it WOULD be dangerous to have a child alone with you and have a seizure but I'm sure there are mothers out there that are doing it every day...I wish you luck and get yourself a good lawyer

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

Thanks for the support Kaths

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

Understanding you situation.....you should be able to at least have joint custody, unfortuately I don't think you would get FULL custody. From what little I gather you did nothing...that would cause harm...to your children...saying that I see no reason why joint custody would be a problem. Just because you have epilepsy does not say you are not fit to parenting.....as long as you try to get your seizures under some control/know what brings them on usually stress, fatigue, lack of sleep.....which I'm sure all have contributed as of late. Please keep me posted....talking/e-mailing can be therapeutic.

 

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

I too have a daughter that I love soo much. And I have had my seizures for 30 years. She has seen my big seizures and she has seen my small daily seizures. That is a lot for a 7 yo to see and handle. And if my husband and I were to get a divorce and custody issues were at hand, I would have to admit to myself that she would be in better hands with my husband than myself. I cannot be selfish. I am sure that there would be partial or weekend visits. It really all depends on the situation of the person and the severity of the seizures that the person has. Mine are quite severe.

My daughter has already dealt with my seizures like a pro, she has matured greatly and I give her full Kudos for that!

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

What was the reason for the child has to be taken into custody?What was the judgement given by the lawyer?

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

WOW!! What an unfair cituation you are in and I wish you all the luck in the world. I don't think others look at us as "PEOPLE WITH EPILEPSY!" Having stated that - people is the fisrt part of that statement, not epileptics. I know we are misfortunate PEOPLE that have a disorder but, we all have feelings, wants and dreams.  What all of us people with epilepsy wouldn't do to be normal again. I was just diagnosed in 2007 and my husband has been a wonderful support for me and I can't imagine what you are feeling right now (abandoned, lost, and your whole world is upside down).

Is your child/children educated about your disorder? Do they know what to do if a seizure comes on? I have a 5 year old and we have educated her and practiced what to do if mom has a seizure if her and I are alone.  Luckily our Papa and Nana live 10 feet away and that helps.

What if you got a roommate for when your children/child are with you to make your wife at ease?

I wish you nothing but the best and I feel for you and you cituation. Good Luck!

Naomi

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

well, my daughter being only 22 months old, what she can comprehend is a little limited, but I try to share with her what I can.  No idea when they will happen.  I currently live with my parents who help me with Aurora and also help with transportation.  And thanks for the support.

 

Pat

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I too have had seizures since I was 11yrs. old. I have a 21yr. old daughter and she's never seen me have a seizure. My ex husband never saw me have a seizure either but he also worked in the medical field. I haven't had a seizure in 7yrs. but I still take my meds. I take Depakote.

It sounds like your wife is being immature on what's happening to you. Have ya'll gone to marriage  counseling or has she even talked to your dr. about what to do when you have a seizure, or what to do if a child sees their dad have one. There always needs to be communication about any kind of disorders. That's the only way a relationship can survive.

I'm assuming your wife knew you had seizures or did she? I know some people don't want anybody to know-out of embarressment or some other reason. I've told men up front  that I have seizures and I always watch their expressions when they receive that news. Some can take it and others can't. Luckily I'm dating a mature man who had seizures himself from a brain tumor. He was able to have it removed so he's now seizure free. He's a good man who is concerned about my health.

All of my friends know I have seizures and the majority of my friends work in the health field with me. I've been lucky in my jobs compared to other people on this site. I've always worked in the health industry and told my employers up front about my seizures. They've never said a thing about it. I work in a hospital now dealing with hearts and the RNs there are very concerned with my health and watch out for me if I'm extremely tired or I've hit my head on a chair or corner of a short wall when bent over.

Good luck with both of your cases and I hope everything works out for the best for you!! You might want to suggest that your wife attend some kind of meetings about seizures. I'm sure you've heard this expression before........Never judge a book by it's cover.....well your wife could use some help in that dept.

Hopefully the court will talk to qualified people in the medical field that know about seizures and the affects it can have on not only the particular person having the seizure but also their family.

Keep your chin up! I believe everything will work out for the best. As I said before, Good luck with everything!!

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

I am not a parent but I can sympathize. Given that your wife seems to be  fixed on her ways ways, I would focus on establishing as strong a relationship with your daughter as you can. There is no limit as to how strong that relationship can be. Epilepsy is not who you are; it is just another disorder. You could tell your daughter that she can call or talk to you anytime she wants to, especially when she has problems. The relationship with your daughter is separate from the one with your wife. You are a good father and you will always be her father. There is nothing to stop you from having a relationship with your daughter. I don't think epilepsy should be a factor in deciding custody because from the sound of it you are capable of providing for your daughter. Good Luck

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

Hopefully the court will talk to qualified people in the medical field that know about seizures and the affects it can have on not only the particular person having the seizure but also their family

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

We are not a danger to our children. I think it is important for children to see how the family copes with a medical condition in the family. It teaches them to be sensitive to other people in general. I have done more and have given my children more than people I know without any problems.

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

what is the law about getting divorce when wife is in India and Husband is USA? if the case is filed in India?

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Thanks,

 

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

The child custody is the biggest problem after the divorce of a couple. It effects a lot negatively on the mind of innocent child. Therefore, its better to go through Marriage Retreat. It will be better and will certainly be beneficial as well.

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

I have always lived in fear of my children taken away from me due to epilepsy. It's easy to use epilepsy as a reason to be an unfit parent. But it is eventually up to you. Always be the best dad you can be. My kids are 20, 17 and 12. They have a complete understanding of my condition. I have nurtured them and helped them all to realise their potential. The 12 year old is still a work in progress- he wants to be a genetic engineer and isolate the gene for epilepsy!

 

Re: Child custody, divorce, and Epilepsy

Occasionally in a divorce going on, the reality that a parent has epilepsy is offered as a base for rejecting that parent custody of his or her own child.