Share a laugh or smile. Inspire.
Bumper Sticker: Work like you don't need the money, Dance like no one's watching you, Love like you've never been hurt.
T-shirt: I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every moment of it.
Answering Machine Recording: Hello?
(short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo - Who is this?
Signs: In a non-smoking area - If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard - bell out of order.)
~ We all matter, even when we haven't the slightest clue why ~
On a voicemail, "You got the machine, you know the routine"
My favorite saying that I saw on a t-shirt once is "The more I get to know people the more I like my dog."
I SWEAR I DID NOT MAKE THIS UP. I GOT IT FOR MY EX, WHEN WE WERE STILL MARRIED! ~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~TADA~~~~~~~~YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HEMORRHOID BECAUSE YOU ARE SUCH A PAIN IN THE A##~~~~~~~~~~TADA! HE WAS!
ON A TEESHIRT: JUST WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT DUMMY?
I USE ALL CAPS FOR THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED.
I AM YOUNGER THAN I LOOK, OLDER THAN I THINK ,AND WISER THAN I KNOW......EEEEEEEEKKKK!
Those are good,
I once saw one that said...I don't mind if you smoke, just don't exhale
T-shirt: Would you mind not standing so close to me. Someone might think I'm with you
Swimming Pool Sign: This is our 'OOL, Notice there is no P in it. Please keep it that way.
A T-shirt that I have, and wear. Since it really does relate to me is.
"I'm out of my mind right now, but feel free to leave a message"
Love these everyone LOL!
Bumper sticker-Silly boys trucks are for girls!
Ohh..I love this topic
In case of rapture can I have your car?
If you can read this, please turn me over (sticker is upside down)
Of course I can help you out..which way did you come in?
Same shirt..different day (that would be my son)
answering machine: We are avoiding someone right now; please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you..unless you are the person we are avoiding. *my mom and several friends didn't find that funny*
keychain that says, "Keys I haven't lost" hubby bought that for me
There are no such things as bipolar bears..unless you catch me on a bad day (my own)
My mood ring broke..It couldn't handle the mood swings
I do not have seizures. The lights just flicker some. (Is that offensive? I made that one up)
(camoflauge shirt) Hah. You can't see me now. (hubby wouldn't let me have that one)
Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: Before or after I saw you (what I would love to say but know better)
Epileptic people just need Hummers..then we would go over things instead of hitting them
My kid beat up your honor roll student
Be nice to your kids. They decide what nursing home you go to.
I probably have more..that's all I could think of for now
I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met.
Dear IRS, please cancel my subscription...
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
You know you are stressed out when you can hear mimes.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistakewhen you make it again.
~ We all matter, even when we haven't the slightest clue why ~
CHARLES SCHULTZ PHILOSOPHY
You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read this straight
through and you'll get the point. It is trying to make an awesome
Here's the first quiz:
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The facts are, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are
not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most
awards. They are the ones that care.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today ...... It's already tomorrow in Australia."
----- Charles Schulz-----
~We all matter, even when we haven't the slightest clue why~
is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ever stop to think and forget to
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Before you criticize someone, you
should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
God made us sisters, Prozac made us friends.
My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain.
That is beautiful...I'm going to have to a cross-stitch of that later. Ty Colina!
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.!
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain amount of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die...
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
The meaning of life is to give life meaning.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls.
You suck and thats sad.
Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.
Cute but kinda evil.
Not caring is fun!
One I was so busy, I started to put funny things on my answering machine. Hope yoo enjoy this too.
Hello,Hello, Sorry my machine doesn't want to talk with you. Leave name & number, later I might want too.
My answering machine says, I'm out to lunch. So leave your name & number, I'll call when it says I can come home.
My answering machine says No, Leave your name and number, I might say yes
My brain's in a jar and the lids on to tight. Leave your name & number after the beep. And call a locksmith if you don't hear from me in a week.
I would change them every few weeks, soon people were calling to hear the next one! haha
Those are all funny, but I looooove the third one, it's hilarious! Thanx, I needed the laugh :)
Lolz! You're good! You really know how to make us laugh.. And I like all the funny messages you have created especially when you have included on calling for the locksmith if ever we can't reach you or get in to you. <a href="http://avidlocksmith.com">gilbert locksmith</a>