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moodi.gfx@hotmail.com

Dreams ??? fears to be broken

hey ... 
well i am new here ..... i signed in like 15 min ago 
well .......... it's good to find people here who have the same thoughts 
... i am mahmoud"can be called moodi" i am libyan who lives in libya.... one of the worst places on earth .... i am 19 .... and i am a GRAPHIC Designer 
i study in art college ... "freshman" 
and i also work in an advertising company 

how do i start ..... i was at work at lunch time ... talking with and laughing with the other guys ... when suddenly i felt a twitch in my hand ....  i thought it was just an illusion .... then suddenly ... my hand lift the spoon to fell from my hand .... i was shocked .... i stood up from my chair without saying anyword and went to sofa .. and layed on my back .. closed my eyes ... i felt the twitches ... one of my friends asked what the hell is going on ... i said i am just felling dizzy .... they made some water with sugar ... they thought i am just tired .... and that what i was thinking too .... and then i stopped ... i came back to work .. thinking i have to sleep these days so i can rest ..... i went .... didn't tell anyone about anything ..... a month gone after ... and another twitch came .... it happened again .. sometimes at work ... some times with at friends at college ... but i keep saying i am just stressed ..... i was not sure if i am stressed ... i was not sure if i am lying to myself ..... but i kept going .... sometimes it happened in home ... in those times i go to the bath room till the serizures ends ..... and then i go out ... like nothing happened ... till one day .. i was going to work ... putting my laptop in my bag back ... suddenly .. the laptop fall from my hands ... it's happening again ... i closed my room .. and i tried to relax ... till i stopped from twitching .... i thought it stopped ... so i went out to have my breakfast with the family .... mom handed me a jam sandwich ... when i was going to eat ... i felt a twitch AGAIN ... i was scared that someone will see me .... then the another twitch was the one ... my hand let the sandwich to fall down ... my whole body twitched ... till my mom screamed and they mde me set down ............ till it stopped ... they didn't let me go to the work ... they didn't let me go to college .... they started talking about going to tunisia ... since the doctors sucks in libya ... but then they calmed down .... 

after a week ... i had my first breaking down .. and it was in the street ... while i was going to college .... i was freaked out 

then after months ... and going to a lot of doctors .. most of them said i have nothing ... till the last doctor ... we were like saying this is the last one ... if he said there's nothing .. then we will forget the whole thing ... i was happy ... because it's not going to stop my dream ... my dream of becoming a concept artist .... which needs a lots of trainging and working on a pc .... 

i waited in the hallway .. for like 6 hours ... since the doctor was one of the best doctors in country .... and the line was long .... sooo till we went in .... i told him everything i knew .... i showed him a video i filmed from one of the seizures .... after that we sat down and told me the words i will never forget 

"unfortunately .... those seizures you had .. are epilepsy seizures ... " 
i was from the out side .. "oh it's okey then " but from the inside ... i was just like ... my whole world was living an apoclypse .... 
then he started saying the list of the stuff i can do or not ..... i can't stay up late at night ... don't drive at night .... don't focus on flash lights .... but i was still waiting for him to say it ... is it good for me to still work as a graphic designer ..... my dad told him about my work ..... he said it's okey ....... i was like "SHIIIIIT ...... HELL YEA" 
i was happy even though he told me i have epilepsy ... but just hearing i can continue with my dream ... i was happy like anyone ... and he told me it can be cured after a couple of years from treatments and mids ... and staying good with list of stuff he told me about 
but it was okey for me .... i am not smoker .... i am Muslim ... so i wasn't driking any beers or alcholic stuff .... i hated coffee since like forever ... the stuff i felt it's hard ... is decreasing playing video games. .. since i am like a gamer ... and not driking like cola after 5 .... but it was not that bad .... since i am still going for my dream .. of becoming a concept artist .. and get the hell out of this crappy country .... that i am living in ...... 
i guess i tried my best on making my story short .... i forgot to write some points ... but i am tired :3 :D 
my english is kinda not that good ... but i guess ... i kinda made my point here 
for anyone who's there like me .... just don't give up ..... live for your dreams ... cheer up .. .thank your god ... it's not worse ... that it's not cancer ... that it's not something dangerous ... thank god ... you can still walk , talk , eat and living your life normaly .... and that all what i got 
sorry for the long post ... Here's a potato :D 

have a good day :3