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Robin Salmansohn

Eplilepsy in IA....

This is true. Seriously. 

IA is a strange state. When I had first moved there, I made an appointment to see a neurologist in a city about 20 miles from my home (they do not have neurologists near me). I went to my first appointment, I told the doctor that I have epilepsy. "I don't treat epilepsy", the doctor had said. What? "I don't treat Epilepsy", the doctor had said. You have heard of it, haven't you? "Yes, of course. What do you think I am"? (No Comment). "I will refer you to the Hospital of the University of IA", he had said. So off to HUIA, finally a doctor. I was admitted, and given the usual battery of tests. "You can't possibly have epilepsy because you had graduated college", the department chairmen of epilepsy had said. He wrote that down and sent me back home. My family doctor had read his report. We both laughed at the doctor there. I had to go across the state line to find a real doctor.

If you go to college, and move to IA, you will no longer have epilepsy. No more seizures! No more meds! Wee! Wee! Don't worry. Be happy.

Comments

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

I am scheduled for the next train to Iowa.

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

Hahaha too funny!

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

So let me get this straight, If I move to IA then I won't have epilepsy. OK then I won't have seizures. What happenes if I move somewhere else? I guess when I crossed the state line I left my epilepsy there and if I leave the state I have to pick it up when I leave.

I knew that living in California is like living in a bowl of granola what ain't fruits an flakes is nuts.

But this IA thing really takes the cake

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

When government fears the people, that is liberty. When the people fears the government, that is tyranny. - Thomas Jefferson

IA has a tax on leaving IA ; 200 percent of everything that you own. Unless, that is, if you have epilepsy. Epileptics don't have to pay an IA exit tax. People have been paying doctors to 'give them epilepsy'.  If you try to jump the border without paying your tax, IA will send the Vigilantes after you (IA hires epileptics to hunt down fakers).

Would you let your sister marry a faker? No!

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

Just returned from Iowa.

Food is bland, life is boring, stress is low, everyone turns the lights out and goes to bed by 8:00 pm. Farm animals were friendly and neighbors were gracious.

Believe me, I can see why doctors don't deal with seizures....there's really nothing to provoke them. I should have become an epileptologist and moved to Iowa.

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

When government fears the people, that is liberty. When the people fears the government, that is tyranny. - Thomas Jefferson

It is so boring in IA that people smoke a lot of marijuana (seriously). You can play solitaire or smoke weed. My ex used to enjoy pulling the weeds that grew between the sidewalk cracks as a form of entertainment. If you want excitement, jump on a cattle prod. However, if you live there you will need 2 vacume cleaners, one for the floor and one for the bugs. There are so many oriental beetles that you need a vacume cleaner to suck the bugs in your home. If bugs were money, IA would be the wealthiest state in the nation. 

All of that weed calms any possible seizures.  

We do a lot of hunting in IA. We have sports that are found mostly in IA, such as bug hunting. We go out, someone brings a cricket caller (it makes cricket noises to attract crickets). We all wait in silence. We have our weapon, a vacume cleaner. Thoop!  "Goctha !" Bug hunting is big business.

There are Hemiptera clubs all over IA. The winners all get vacume cleaners. WoW !

 

 

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

When government fears the people, that is liberty. When the people fears the government, that is tyranny. - Thomas Jefferson

Some people don't go bug hunting. They like bugs. Bugs make good pets. Bugs love you, they follow you everywhere you go. Yup. They have a society for the prevention of bug hunting. They love all bugs... bed bugs, too. 'Don't kill the bed-bugs in your bed. Don't eat the insects in your head.'  Men Women, Children, Bugs are your friends. To know a bug is to love a bug. Make the world a better place and keep the bugs safe. Some people kill bugs. Oh, the Humanity! Cry for the Children! Horrible, evil, bug killers!

These bug lovers perform acts of civil disobedience. They hold protests in Central Park where they dismember a vacuum cleaner. They claim that Chuck is a member too. "Chuck" is the town hero. Chuck loving is American. If you live in Charles City, he is our hero. Charles city had printed 'Charles City dollars'. We have our own coins too, for the Party at the park. We have our own money. Let the government end, Chuck will never fail us! To the rest of the world, IA says, EAT MY BEANS.

All hail Chuck! All hail Chuck! Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!

BTW, the town in which I had lived has it's own Central Park. It's not as big as New York, but it has a Farmer's Market, and we have a lot of fun on the 4th of July, when we have our city parade.     

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

When government fears the people, that is liberty. When the people fears the government, that is tyranny. - Thomas Jefferson

 

People in IA have a lot of seizures, boredom seizures. However, everyone has boredom seizures. They are a punishment for living in IA. In our town, there was nothing to do. They did have a bowling ally, and a movie theater. For excitement I would have my hair cut. We had big stores, a Dollar General, and a K-Mart, the supermarket, and a farm equipment store. I could buy some wood and build something, take it apart and build something else. Built something electrical, take it apart. I walked a lot on the bike trail, cleaned my house, yard, gardened,  was on the internet. They have a lot of boredom babies there.  If I had the money, I would have built a tractor from parts. It would have made a nice gift. What would you do if someone had given you a Tractor as a gift? It appears on your front lawn. "Here are the keys. Have a nice day".

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

Hi Robin,

It's not just Iowa.

My question is, how did you get anyone to write down "You can't possibly have epilepsy because you had graduated college"? Was the proposition made beforehand (cited in the same writing) that graduating college resulted in epilepsy?

Many people have made ridiculous statements involving my epilepsy and my accomplishments/failures, but when written statements result, the statements are always padded with at least technicalities masking the ridiculous. (This is the general rule in works of fiction involving medical conditions, too, such as "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller, and, even with the "Mangy Parrot" and epilepsy).

My experiences include incidents in California, and include the mirror also, orally, "You couldn't have graduated college with your epilepsy". Subsequent written statements would be padded with qualifiers, such as "A reasonable person would find claims of university graduation as not suficiently plausible given the then available evidence", and in instances with plenty of undeniable timely academic evidence, the written quoted reasoning often morphs into "The complexity of your continuing condition presently makes a reliable & compatible match to suitable qualifications impossible" (on another forum here, I think I quoted my Rehab counselor's final writing verbatum). State and Federal courts are often that ridiculous also (or, back to the, "just deny" any existence of plausible evidence of any condition that might even be regarded as epilepsy).

Tadzio

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

When government fears the people, that is liberty. When the people fears the government, that is tyranny. - Thomas Jefferson

 

I didn't 'get' someone to write, "It's not possible for you to have epilepsy because you had graduated college". I went to get a new neurologist. I was admitted, and tested. The Department Chair of Epilepsy of The Hospital of the University of IA, had said that "You can not possibly have epilepsy because you had graduated College." When he had asked me how often I had been taking my meds, I had answered xxxx BID, or yyyy TID.

"BID, TID? How can you possibly know that! Have you been studying medicine? Do you know Latin?"

"If you study the Greeks, in ancient Greece, the Greek word for a person having a seizure is Lycanthrope. It is also the word for Ware wolf. I bay at the moon. I need to suck the blood of female virgins. Do you have any here? I can't find any female virgins to drink their blood, so I get upset and have seizures. I have Lycanthropic seizures. If you wait for a full moon you can see me baying at the moon. Perhaps you could film it. I become very strong. We Lycanthropes have a social club, the Lycanthropic benevolent Society. Enter at your own risk. We bite. Once bit you too will become a ware wolf. Never get a ware wolf mad at you", I had said.

Oh No, a Lycanthrope!  

He sent me home. When I went home, my family doctor had called me and said that he wanted to see me asap. He read the report from my neuro encounter, asked me what it was like. I told him about the strange encounter. He opened my records from the hospital, report,  looked at me blankly and had said that he couldn't believe what he had read. He then phoned the man. Yup. That's what the man had said. I should have framed it. I had to go out of state to find an actual doctor. They don't allow real doctors in the state. Except for vets. IA grows corn, beans, and hogs. If you need a vet for your hogs you are fine.  

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

Robin is my ex and he's giving you a bunch of bs.

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

When government fears the people, that is liberty. When the people fears the government, that is tyranny. - Thomas Jefferson

 

No, that is what actually happened. Somehow, I have to obtain a copy of that record. It should be posted on a YouTube, "The medical miracles of IA. A Nobel Prize in the Making".

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

I had been prayed for, to remove my 'evil demons', have had the laying on of hands, anointed with holy oil, my ex had been told that she was unwelcome in their church, and had a so - called friend told me that he planned on locking me up in his closet without my meds (I called the Police).

A real winner was one day when I left an out patient occupational therapy session, I had a GM. Some people stayed there and watched me seizing. They were not there to help me, they just stared. When I came out it, one man had asked me if he could buy some of whatever it was that I was on because it looked liked like it must have been a really nice high. "Please sell me some of that", he had said. 

Re: Eplilepsy in IA....

Robin is my ex and he's giving you a bunch of BS.