The year is 1960, I am a happy normal child in kindergarten at a rural school in southern Iowa. During recess one day, I started having excruciating headaches. The pain continued for about a week.

In the middle of the night, I awoke on my daddy’s lap in our car – this is the only time I ever recall seeing him cry. Mom was hysterical. We were on the way to the nearest hospital where a spinal tap was performed with the suspicion of encephalitis. It was determined to rush us to a bigger, better hospital for treatment. In l960 very few patients survived encephalitis but with the best of care from a family doctor and nurse my recovery was a miracle.

Again, I was a normal child making A’s and B’s in school, engaged in church activities, and participating in 4H. We lived on a self-sustaining farm in southern Iowa. My regular daily duties included bringing in chicken eggs, churning cream into butter and homework.

When I was 10 years old, again I awoke in the car looking at tears pouring from my parent’s eyes as we rushed to the hospital. Without knowing, I had encountered a grand-mal seizure. The family physician prescribed a regimen of Dilantin and Phenobarbital which made it very difficult to remain awake during school. The seizures were not frequent but not controlled. The following year my parents took me to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. The diagnosis was grand-mal seizures resulting from an encephalitis injury.

Upon returning to school and the classroom, when a seizure occurred I would be taken to the Nurse. It became evident my once very good friends were starting to distance themselves from me. There were no boys who were interested in my friendship.

My junior high school and high school years were very lonely. The seizures had changed to complex partial seizures. Theater arts became my passion affording me the opportunity to become a great actress and member of the National Thespian Society during my high school years.

After graduation from Burke High in Omaha, Nebraska, we moved to Austin, Texas. The only work I had done was in retail, working for Yarings Department Store and Southwestern Bell Telephone. The seizures were still not controlled. I was on a regimen of Dilantin and Mysolene.

In 1975 I met a wonderful man who loved me unconditionally; we had a daughter in 1976. During the 9 month pregnancy there were NO seizures. A beautiful, healthy baby girl was born January 30. Two weeks after the birth of my daughter I was hospitalized with status elepticus seizures.

Realizing retail would not provide for my daughter, the Texas Rehabilitation Commission granted me the opportunity to enroll in business school receiving a Computer Programming degree. I attended school during the day and keypunched at City Bank at night, Texas Rehab. also paid my daughter’s babysitting expenses. It was there, working in the keypunch area, it became evident that most of society is ill-informed about epilepsy or seizures. I recall telling people in the room a seizure was about to happen and would sit on the floor to prevent falling but when the seizure was over everyone had left the room. I have been employed as a high level programmer analyst for 30 years, receiving exemplary, proficient ratings for job performance.

During the years, my meds would change as new ones became available. Seizure control lasted about 6 months and then would become uncontrolled on the new ones. It is probable every seizure med has been prescribed for me. Many times in my adult life EMS has been called and then cancelled.

I was always ashamed of the word, “EPILEPSY”, using instead a phrase such as “seizure disorder” In 1987, I experienced a time of deep depression but returned to the workforce after 8 years.

In 2000, we were incurring more stress at work trying to re-code our business systems to work after midnight of 1999. My daughter had graduated from college and was planning a wedding. I went to UT at Houston for a complete workup to ascertain if surgery was a possibility. The staff determined a Vagus Nerve Stimulator was a better choice for me and I was the first person in Austin, Texas with a VNS.

During the time period December 2000 and May 2003, the seizures worsened with 50-100 partial seizures occurring daily and 10-12 complex per month – I was medicated on Keppra, Trileptal, and Clozapam. Also my journey down the change of life was beginning.

In May 2003, an appointment was made to see Dr. Charles Akos Szabo at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, Texas. He suggested a week of monitoring to see the type of seizures and the approximate focal area of origination.

It was determined the approximate area was the left parietal. Many tests were initiated to determine if surgery could be performed. In November 2003 electrodes were placed on the surface of my brain through burr holes in the skull and monitoring occurred another week. December 15, 2003, surgery for brain resection was scheduled. A craniotomy was performed with a grid placed on the brain surface for the purpose of giving the doctors the exact focal area to re-sect.. During surgery the surgeon and Dr. Szabo determined the focal point or hot point was too deep in the brain, therefore, resection could not be performed.

There are so many things taken for granted in this life like getting in your car and going to a store, riding a motorcycle thru the Hill Country, taking a nice long swim in Barton Springs, or going for a walk by oneself.

I am proud of that “terrible” word, Epilepsy. The Lord is allowing me to use it for education and I am proud of who Penni J. is and the “little” disability that’s a daily, 24 hour occurrence.

The last half of my life will definitely be devoted to helping others, perhaps children, understand they can do anything they want to do. “To reach for the stars for….” For…We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.” Phil 4:13