By Candice Martin

I had a life once, but it seems so long ago-
Now I rely on what doctors say they know.
I had such big plans way back then-
Now it seems like I just can't win.
In a private hell I remain-
Doing what I can just to stay sane.
A twitch, seizures, or epilepsy, call it what you will-
Medication that barely makes me feel.
Doctors don't know why it "affects" me-
God if only they could see!
My hopes and dreams were killed with the news-
And that's not all I would loose.
Each time a seizure strikes, it breaks me down-
Physically, mentally, emotionally I am bound.
I rely on my husband for the help no one else can give-
With this weakened shell of myself I must forever live.
Loss of all body control and self respect-
For other's to understand I couldn't expect.
Scared of having a seizure in public, in my house I hide-
With very few others's knowin! g how I truly feel inside.
What are meaningless daily activities to others, I need help to do-
Cooking, cleaning, and bathing-these things my husband sees me
through.
Medication makes me zone out and have no desire for physical touch-
And as for ever having a child-hell that's asking too much.
Too many different medications have taken even that away-
Though for a child of my own I will always pray.
I am depressed more often than not-
A "normal" life is all I've ever sought.
But instead I usually cry myself to sleep each night-
Waiting until the next time I start to feel my body twitch and
fight....