By Marquis Mix, (a.k.a.)13 of Nazareth

Listen to Marquis' poem, FallOut Shelter, in his own words (.mp3 format)

5:30am October 10th 1994 I awoke to go to school fell the floor, but I don’t remember the fall All I remember is being the center of attention 3 hours later laid in Sentara Norfolk General Hospital surrounded by teary eyed family. Emergency room physician began asking me questions pertaining to my short term memory. Eyes began watering. Tears began flowing with full awareness of an ignorance for which no man could provide me the knowledge to cure, full awareness of the remembrance my present predicament bear great resemblance to my mother’s death bed no man could provide her knowledge instead of her morphine drip for pain ease I received a saline drip to hydrate me Intravenously. We both had oxygen masks to assist our breath she never got to go home I did; then to a neurologist who diagnosed me epileptic prescribed me medicine, never went to the psychiatrist who would’ve diagnosed the depression that set in by December. See, I remember the winter. I don’t remember the fall. All I remember is the urge to smoke weed and the desire for loved ones to stop watching me so closely; changes in my attitude and appearance showing. Knowing I was dying inside, smoking to get high because I felt so low. Overeating to satisfy the medically induced appetite increase combined with the marijuana induced munchies putting on an average of 8 lbs. monthly; By graduation day I hardly recognized me. From 165 to 235 in 8 months time; hating life and death being the powers of the tongue I’d awaken everyday with the latter on my breath, wish death upon myself In words after the manner of these… God Take my life Please be careful what you wish for; After two years I received exactly what I asked God took my life into the palm of his hand. Began to mold the carnal child into the spiritual man that I am transformed me on the inside removed the scales from my eyes; Began to give Birth to a new life form within a lifetime already lived for 20 years. He who hath an ear let him hear what the Spirit is saying to the seven churches and chakras of Asia and Assiyah the muck and the mire set upon fire Creator inspired creative writer following the lead of Madhi and Messiah. Drawn to the alter by the hallelujahs of a choir sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don’t remember the fall. I remember the climb, renewed in the spirit of my mind understanding the trials I experience are by design. I don’t remember the fall into unconsciousness in the fall of ‘94 don’t remember the numerous times I knock on deaths door don’t remember any seizure any ambulance calls don’t remember being over weight or the feeling of withdrawal I don’t remember the fall. I remember the climb as if on my way to rock bottom God just covered my eyes… I invite you to take refuge where I first sought mine Jesus Christ My Fallout Shelter ©2003