I've appreciated everything that has been discussed on this topic.  Let me just say that I'm on your husband's side of the issue.  I've been married for almost 11 years, and I've dated him 2 years prior to that.  Honestly, I have my days where I wonder what we are doing.  I certainly love him to death, but I find myself totally discouraged.  I don't believe it is the condition that has me questioning my resolve in my marriage.  Really, it is the depression and lack of confidence that kills me.  He is an extremely intelligent individual, but I find his fear in his condition is really holding him back.  It concerns me when I can tell that he wastes all his energy on the fear.  This lowers his threshold, and we have ourselves a self fulfilling proficy of another seizure.  I wish that if he's going to have a seizure anyway, perhaps he might be willing to use his worry energy on something a little more productive than fear.  I wish that the kids and I were worth the effort.  If he is just too sick then perhaps he could take the iniciative to talk to the doctor, and start the paperwork for ssb.  To be honest, much of my anger is about money.  However, I have always been the "bread winner" in the household.  I don't mind that much, but I also have a son who has Asparger's Syndome.  I find that he is more apt to be able to mesh into society when I spend time with him understanding social moras.  I have attempted have my husband stay home to heal, but then the depression grows even stronger.  I would like to feel like I could be taken care of too.  That somebody would be ready to move forward with life if I just couldn't go any farther.  Spouses get depressed, overwhelmed, and discouraged too.  We spend so much time putting on a brave face when we're dying inside.  We feel absolutely helpless to protect this person who we love with everything in us, and we have a tendancy to give up trying to help them see that they are not their condition. 

 I felt the young person who has been with their significant other for 7 months.  I remember those days.  I would stick by him through anything (I still will).  I just don't feel so strong anymore.  After you've watched countless grand mal seizures happen before your eyes, after you find yourself praying that the next one will happen in bed, and not in the bathroom or on the road.  Hoping that you don't have to get him stitches, or worse watch him spend weeks still unable to remember simple thoughts you start to think that perhaps you just aren't ever going to be enough for them.  The only way you will ever be able to get your entire family the support it needs is to just have him go back to his family (who obviously think they could take better care of him). 

 I really appreciate all of your words.  Please don't get me wrong.  I love my husband so much.  I just want to feel like my kids and I aren't so dang vulnerable.  I would like to see him be willing to help people understand.  People really are more understanding than we give them credit for.  They just need to be communicated to.  He truly believed that I would dump him once he told me he was epileptic.  It saddens me to think that thinking was ever in his understanding.  My family never felt like he was less of a person.  We just want to feel a real effort.  Thanks again for letting me post.  I"m all ears for any advice. 

My advice to you Grazia is to communicate with your husband, and let him know what you are trying to do for his hard work and effort.  Even if you are unable to work.  Help him feel like his contribution really means something to you.  He needs you to really believe that you love him, and that you don't just appreciate that he takes care of the things that need to be done.  Thanks again for your thoughts.

I've appreciated everything that has been discussed on this topic.  Let me just say that I'm on your husband's side of the issue.  I've been married for almost 11 years, and I've dated him 2 years prior to that.  Honestly, I have my days where I wonder what we are doing.  I certainly love him to death, but I find myself totally discouraged.  I don't believe it is the condition that has me questioning my resolve in my marriage.  Really, it is the depression and lack of confidence that kills me.  He is an extremely intelligent individual, but I find his fear in his condition is really holding him back.  It concerns me when I can tell that he wastes all his energy on the fear.  This lowers his threshold, and we have ourselves a self fulfilling proficy of another seizure.  I wish that if he's going to have a seizure anyway, perhaps he might be willing to use his worry energy on something a little more productive than fear.  I wish that the kids and I were worth the effort.  If he is just too sick then perhaps he could take the iniciative to talk to the doctor, and start the paperwork for ssb.  To be honest, much of my anger is about money.  However, I have always been the "bread winner" in the household.  I don't mind that much, but I also have a son who has Asparger's Syndome.  I find that he is more apt to be able to mesh into society when I spend time with him understanding social moras.  I have attempted have my husband stay home to heal, but then the depression grows even stronger.  I would like to feel like I could be taken care of too.  That somebody would be ready to move forward with life if I just couldn't go any farther.  Spouses get depressed, overwhelmed, and discouraged too.  We spend so much time putting on a brave face when we're dying inside.  We feel absolutely helpless to protect this person who we love with everything in us, and we have a tendancy to give up trying to help them see that they are not their condition. 

 I felt the young person who has been with their significant other for 7 months.  I remember those days.  I would stick by him through anything (I still will).  I just don't feel so strong anymore.  After you've watched countless grand mal seizures happen before your eyes, after you find yourself praying that the next one will happen in bed, and not in the bathroom or on the road.  Hoping that you don't have to get him stitches, or worse watch him spend weeks still unable to remember simple thoughts you start to think that perhaps you just aren't ever going to be enough for them.  The only way you will ever be able to get your entire family the support it needs is to just have him go back to his family (who obviously think they could take better care of him). 

 I really appreciate all of your words.  Please don't get me wrong.  I love my husband so much.  I just want to feel like my kids and I aren't so dang vulnerable.  I would like to see him be willing to help people understand.  People really are more understanding than we give them credit for.  They just need to be communicated to.  He truly believed that I would dump him once he told me he was epileptic.  It saddens me to think that thinking was ever in his understanding.  My family never felt like he was less of a person.  We just want to feel a real effort.  Thanks again for letting me post.  I"m all ears for any advice. 

My advice to you Grazia is to communicate with your husband, and let him know what you are trying to do for his hard work and effort.  Even if you are unable to work.  Help him feel like his contribution really means something to you.  He needs you to really believe that you love him, and that you don't just appreciate that he takes care of the things that need to be done.  Thanks again for your thoughts.

He doesn't deserve all of
the stress and financial burden. 

You seem to be answering your own question here.  Or, do you have a guilt complex?  If you feel guilty and he's not helping you get over the guilt, then you have to realize that he's not really being your friend anymore. He's being your husband, technically, by law, and that can fool a lot of people.  They put their feelings of husband/wife into the legal container that is still there and then - nothing.

Look, there is some serious dodging going on here.  Your husband is a big boy. He knows what he is doing. Sure, everybody loves him and you've gotten some great ideas, but lets see how long the romance lasts after you try some of this stuff out.

Do yourself a favor, and I know I'm going to be called a jackass, but before you start any ideas, get serious with your husband and LAY OUT YOUR CARDS!  Ask him how he really feels. Don't try to get him to love you again. Ask him why he isn't there in the first place.  Tell him your position.  You have to let each other know your positions.

In the meantime, I would have you talk to an attorney and get some advice on how to deal with all of the stress and financial burden just in case, because no matter what anybody says otherwise it is always the nice ones, like you, who don't see it coming. And it is always the nice ones like you who are the last to know and have friends and family who all love the other spouse to death.

OK,  OK,  I'm just looking out for you.  I know, I'm probably totally wrong.  But, don't you want to just have a small amount of backup with that burden and stress if the worst happens?