Hi Kathy 781,

I am sorry to hear you are having difficulty within the family.  If you notice I have just written a topic on this matter so I will print your email and take it with me to the conference.

It seems as if we are in the same boat. I started when I was eight with complex Partial seizures and lost control of my bladder. I had an operatioin many years back which has helped a lot but not made me seizure free, I just don't fall any longer and they are not so severe.

I also went through the same proceedure of trying to work off and on until my first child was born. The doctor mentioned I shouldn't be working, my mother agreed but it was difficult for my father who didn't want me to attend various family reunions and my husband would naturally get fed up now and again.

Now you seem to be going through the same as myself with a difficult sister-in-law who is actually a nurse! Have you been able to talk to your brother as someone mentioned, I do hope so.  The snag with me is my brother is 13 yrs older than his third wife so protects her a lot and takes after my father not letting me join in with various family reunions. If you can't get through this way, why not write to her saying you are sorry if you have hurt her then go on to explain how difficult it can be for you etc. 

Sludge 

P S Got another idea, if she says it again why not just say outright as you said to us,

' I know, aren't you lucky, like to swop lives'.  

KATHY, PERSONALY I WOULD CONFRONT HER. TELL HER THAT HER COMMENT SHOWS HER IGNORANCE WHEN IT COMES TO EPILEPSY. TELL HER SHE NEEDS TO READ UP AND EDUCATE  HERSELF ABOUT EPILEPSY SO SHE DOESNT MAKE THAT MISTAKE AGAIN. LET HER KNOW THAT IF SHE IS UNABLE TO FIND THE INFORMATION ON HER OWN, YOU WOULD BE GLAD TO SUPPLY IT FOR HER OR  TELL HER THE WEBSITE TO READ INFO ON.

OF COURSE IF THIS DOESNT WORK, I WOULD GO TO YOUR BROTHER AND JUST LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU FEEL HIS WIFE DOES UNDERSTAND WHAT YOUR LIFE IS REALLY LIKE. LET HIM KNOW WHAT TRANSPIRED, THAT YOU TRIED TO TALK TO HER ABOUT IT BUT YOU NEED HIS HELP. ASK HIM TO PLEASE TALK TO HER AND EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT YOUR LIFE WITH EPILEPSY IS, SO SHE WILL STOP MAKING COMMENTS.

IF YOU DONT STOP THIS, IT IS JUST GOING CONTINUE TO EAT AWAY AT YOU. IT IS BOTHERING YOU DEEPLY ALREADY. IT GETS TO A POINT THAT YOU NEED TO GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN SO THE WOUND CAN HEAL. I REALY THINK THATS WHERE YOU ARE AFTER READING YOUR FORUM.

I CAN RELATE TO YOU BECAUSE I AM ON SSID AND CANT DRIVE EITHER. ITS BEEN 5 OR 6 YRS SINCE I HAVE DRIVEN. THE NEURO SAID THE ODDS OF ME EVER DRIVING AGAIN ARE ALMOST NIL. BUT THATS LIFE AND WE HAVE TO DO THE BEST WE CAN WITH WHAT WE ARE DEALT. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, YOU HAVE A GREAT FAMILY THAT LOVES YOU!!!

I TYPE IN CAPS FOR THE VISUALY IMPAIRED

GOD BLESS,

BANFFGIRL

LIFE IS FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH CARE.

I'm sorry that all this happened to you. I'm truely disgusted at your sister- in - law. I'd love to give her a piece of my mind. I'm sorry you have to go through all this. I can't drive either cuz I have been epileptic since I was like 10. Maybe your sister- in- law likes making herself feel strong or something by picking on whoever in her eyes seem weak. But, I think it's a fact that you, me, and everyone who is epileptic is strong. We can be stronger than people who arent epileptic. We overcome obsticles everyday of our lives and we are survivors. I think you should just ignore her when she says those things to you. SHow her that her harrassing you isn't a problem and one day, she will be mature enough to realize that she has been wrong to harm you in this manner and she will one day, be mature enough to stop and think and act her age.

I'm a Christian and have friends who accept me for me and don't judge me by my seizures and have stood by me. I dod have ex- friens who ran away because they couldnt accept me for being epileptic, but I know I do have friends that do care for me and that's all I need. Pleas know that all of us are here for you and we know what you're going through in one way or another. I Belive that God would help you me, and every epileptic person to overcome all this and live happy lives. We have great futures ahead of us and we shouldn't let people like your sister- in- law to ruin our lives, goals, and hopes. Hope you're well! God bless.

dear kathy,

I am disgusted at your sister-in-law's attitude and comments.  Things like these seperate the strong from the weak.  It is a difficult concept to grasp  why someone whould be so rude and make such comments but at the end of the day there is only one reason, Jealousy!  It happens quite often that people will be rude to those with certain dissabilities in order to get attention or even just degrade someone else to cover their own insecurities.  For some reason i get the feeling that she is jealous of you because your brother loves you so much.  It may be that you get a kind of attention from your brother that she knows she will never be able to get.  This makes her insecure about herself and what does she do, shea ugly to you.  one thing that should make you smile within is that at night, when she goes to bed and her thoughts run away with her, she drowns in guilt and shame.  It is only human to experience shame for what you have done to others.  It is she, not you, who will suffer the most pain from these actions.  I respect you for not confronting her for the sake of family-peace but one day you will, and must, confront her.  It is bound to happen and when it does, it is her that will suffer the guilt trip.  Be polite, just and truthfull, tell her how she makes you feel, what you will give to be able to drive, work etc.  People never realise the true impact what E imposes on a sufferor's life.  You are not going to seek her sympathy but merely open her eyes.  You are the strong one here, you are the fighter.  Everyday of your life there are more obstacles in your life than she has in a month.  You sill rise abive her and be the strong one.  Never let she make you feel bad about yourself because in sesse, there is nothing wrong with you, on the contrary, you are blessed with an extra give of understanding, appreciation love and sympathy.  She is the one needing sympathy and help.  Guidance and a little bit of wake the hell up!  The day she realises her selfishness and jealousy is the day things will change.  As i already sai, when you see her again, put things into prospective, scetch your scenario and ask her how she will feel if someone said this to her.

I am a firm believer that we, as E sufferors, consist of a disguised blessing of appreciation, understanding, sympathy, love and endurance.  We are all fighters and sometime i wonder if it isn't better having these qualities than arrogance and shame and jealousy your sister-in-law expeience at night.  Sooth yourself by knowing that you are the wiser one, the understanding one and that it is YOU who need to teach her something and She who needs to be ashamed of herself.  Please remeber that you are wonderfull and know one has the right to discriminate, irrespective how they do it, against you!  In a nice and mature matter set the record straight and you will see, she will have the worse feeling of shame everytime seeing you.

Good luck.

Uys

Strength & Honour