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Embarrassed to go Again

Mon, 05/07/2007 - 03:14
Has anyone felt too embarrassed to go an event again after they embarrassed themselves by having a seizure in front of everyone at the event? In March I went to a prayer meeting in church and had a seizure there. There were many people all there and it was quite embarrassing. Especially when people kept staring as if I was going to drop dead after I came out of my seizure. Then they're not asking me about what happened, but just stared. I felt really uncomfortable. SO, anyone had hat happen to them? Last month in April I went to the prayer meeting. I sat in the back just in case I had another seizure and had to go out again. Thank goodness I didn't have one. My fiends and i sat in the back because of me. Sometimes i feel like a burden to them. Anyone feel the same way, being a burden to their friends? Later on I find out that people have been talking about it behind my back and things. I am now so embarrassed I;m having problems deciding if I should go to this months' prayer meeting. Anyone wanna decide for me? ~Sophs

Comments

Re: Embarrassed to go Again

Submitted by andy m on Mon, 2007-05-07 - 04:19
Hi Sophie The number of times that I've embarrassed or even downright humiliated myself in front of others whilst having seizures and in the post seizure state is far too numerous to count. Or at least thats what I thought, it was me that was making a far bigger deal of it than anyone else and the shame that oneself perceives is so often far greater, that's not to say we don't feel it because it hurts so bad at the time you feel as if the ground would literally open up and swallow you. The time that I realised this was when I was having pretty regular tonic clonic seizures at work and after the first one or two no one really made a big deal of it in fact they said nothing really and of course my imagination went into overdrive about what people may or may not be saying about me. I actually asked one of my managers and she said people were more worried about whether I was OK and thinking of my health rather than sniping at me behind my back, which made me feel a whole lot better and now I think its pretty much a 50/50 split between those who know and those who don't, often I've mentioned it to people that I assumed would know and they don't and when they do find out it's not really a big deal anymore. It takes time to overcome other people's and our own prejudices about the whole issue but if you get it across to a few people and they begin to understand how you feel then it's worth it believe me. As for your prayer meeting, if you feel that its important to you and you gain something from it then you should be there no matter what people may or not think or say about you. If you and your friends feel more comfortable being sat in the back then thats cool a prayer meeting is just that no matter where you are sat. Often this is a time where you really do find who your real friends in life are, I know that the friends that I had when I was at my lowest points, even when I turned my back on them they stuck with me and now our friendships are stronger because of what we've been through together, that is the mark of a true friend.

Re: Embarrassed to go Again

Submitted by KeriCook on Mon, 2007-05-07 - 14:21
I can't/won't tell you what to do, but I know that when I was in High School I did a lot of lying about my epilepsy because of peer pressure, but at smaller gatherings I was more open. I'm not religious and I don't know how formal, informal, or large your meetings are, but It seems that a prayer meeting should be more open. Think of it this way, we were once blank slates, ignorant and scared as to what our bodies were doing, and we had to be taught. Now we DO know what's going on and the others are the blank slates, ignorant as to how to help. YOU can be the teacher now. Tell them what should be done if it happens again and that when you say you are fine your meeting leader should continue and remove the spotlight (that's what it feels like to me) from you and firmly get back on topic. Knowledge is power and in this instance you had the power. Once people know what's going on and what to do it tends to not be a big issue anymore. If you have a seizure again, after you tell them, you give multiple assurances that you are fine, and turn your attention to your meeting speaker. I can't tell you this is YOUR solution, but it worked for me when I used it with the students in a high school musical with me. It was tough to do the first few times, but as I said it more I was actually able to relax in my surroundings and no longer worry about the stress induced seizures. I know all about feeling like a burden, but as a friend said to me, 'If it were me would you see me as 'the burden' or 'a friend out to have a good time'?' She's my best friend so I knew what she was saying. I hope this rambling helped, Keri

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