New to the group

Hello. I'm from Canada and joined this group looking for advice. My son is 21 months. He's been having seizures since he was 9 months old. First triggered because of a fever, he now seems to get them whenever he's sick (no fever needed, just a standard cold will do it). They are tonic-clonic and ended pretty quickly. He'd have one, sleep for an hour or so, they'd increase his meds (clobazam) and he'd be find for another month or two. We were just starting to wrap our heads around this when in May, his meds stopped working like they should and he had them more frequently. Weeks apart. They kept increasing his dose but hit the ceiling on the max for his age. Twice in July my poor baby started needing hospital intervention to stop the seizures and he was getting one every few hours and then leading to smaller, partial ones that would go on for 45 mins. He's been pumped full of adavan and phenobarbital till he can't even hold himself up for days. How do you deal with this? How do you cope and watch your child struggle and go thru this? We were just starting to accept that ok, he'd have 1 and it's scary, but he'd recover soon and be back to his normal self... Now I'm so scared that it won't stop at one and we'll need hospital intervention now. We were sent hom with Adavan for a rescue med just in case, and he's now on Clobazam and Kepra. So far so good.. it's been a month seizure free... but I'm constantly knocking on wood, worrying, and trying not to jinx things. Im terrified to leave him. He goes to daycare and I'm constantly watching my phone. And im scared to leave the city in case we need to go to the hospital. Thanks for reading. Im just hoping that there's happy endings for this.