Nice To Meet You! I Am Jonzen.

Hello to you! I found this site yesterday afternoon and spent hours reading threads on various subjects. Now it is time to introduce myself to you all. I have had seizures since I was 15. A high fever may have caused them. I have been on medication since then, and I am 55 now. I cannot remember what was given me in those early days, one year of high school is a total blur, but now I take 300 mg Dilantin daily and have for....30+ years?! I haven't had any grand mals for many years, but petit mals, or whatever we should call them, are fairly common to me. I read about loss of memory in many of us here with E. Do you think this is caused by the medication or E itself?? I sought a place where there was a sharing of information on E because I often feel so weird and odd and alien. I know of no one else who has this. And the memory loss is becoming very noticeable and problematic. As an artist, at my openings in the gallery, I am expected to remember the names of my patrons and friends, right? I cannot often even remember people let alone names! Once I could not remember the name of my Mother! On Friday afternoon I had invited 6 prominent women to my loft for tea. I was doing the final preparations and one guest arrived early, someone I had only just met through an interview a few week's earlier..... I went into a petit mal.....could not speak, could not explain what was happening to me......and she kept asking me what was wrong.....which made things worse for me, prolonging the condition......then the others began to arrive! I could not speak. A nightmare that I know many of you understand well. I am depressed about it still this morning. I feel that I live with a kind of monster who allows me to go about my life within bounds, often we live in peace.....and then sometimes the monster comes out and takes away my ability to speak, to read, to understand. And then I am "foggy" and "thick" for sometimes days afterward. I am an artist, I live alone (with a standard poodle named Phoebe) on top of a rocky mountain in the high cascades of central Oregon. My work allows me to be alone most of the time. I do not do well in crowds of people who want my attention. I can go to Costco alright! Is this similar for you? Too many questions I know. I will withdraw now and wait hopefully for some response from you all. Again, I am very happy to find you and meet you. Namaste, Jonzen