Hi, I am new to forums (I have never posted on one before), but I came across this one and thought maybe someone would be able to help me. I had my first seizure about a month and a half ago and so far have not had another one. I have seen a neurologist--he does not know what caused my seizure. I have not had an EEG or MRI yet, but the neurologist does not believe I have epilepsy, as I am 31 and onset adult epilepsy is not that common. I am experiencing some things that are unsettling to me and I'm hoping that someone would be able to understand if what I'm experiencing is related to the seizure or even if what's going on is normal after a seizure.
I had the usual experience during what I guess is referred to as a Grand Mal seizure (full convulsions and disorientation); I have no memory of the seizure, before or after, and had short term memory loss (the year, my age) that eventually came back. But the problem I'm having now is that I am struggling with my memory on a daily basis with regular things, things not related to the seizure. For example, I will speak to my mom on the phone and she will tell me that I told her all about that specific topic the day before...I have no memory of this. I told my fiancé that I want to see Despicable Me...apparently we watched that movie already recently but I don't remember. The things I can't remember are not large, important details/events (luckily) but rather minor ones that just leave me frustrated, confused, and sad. Is it normal to have memory loss a month and a half after having a seizure? To forget things you did yesterday? Also, is there any chance that I could possibly forget things because I blacked out? Or when you black out, would I be non-functional?
Besides the memory loss, I have a hard time remembering large words or how to spell things, which has never been a problem for me. So this is frustrating and confusing to me because I have moments where I completely draw a blank with words or how to spell the simplest of words. I've also found myself having difficulty with simple math, my coordination is sometimes spotty, and my common sense abilities are long gone. Is any of this normal?
I'm also curious about what it is like to black out. Would that mean I am experiencing some form of a seizure? Would I realize that I had blacked out? I'm wondering because when my fiancé came home from work the other day and asked what I did all day, I realized I wasn't sure...I realized it was already evening and I'm not sure where the hours went, if you know what I mean. Does that mean I experienced a black out?
Another thing...are the severe headaches normal? Is occasional dizziness related?
And one last thing...I have these weird feelings that overcome me that are hard to explain, kind of like deja vu. I have had moments of deja vu in the past but nothing like this. Now it's as if I can see what's going to happen before it does and it's a very strong feeling. Also, I had a moment the other night when I was alone that someone was about to burst through my dining room and hurt me...the feeling was so strong that I was physically scared and had a hard time calming myself. I have read through other forums and read that someone maybe experienced something similar. Is this related to my seizure? Is there more going on in my brain than I'm aware of?
Finally, can I have a seizure without going into full convulsions? I don't feel like myself lately. I feel like a computer that was shut down and is rebooting...only I'm taking a long time to reboot. I'm slow to respond to things, to put ideas together, I just don't function smoothly, I don't know how else to explain it.
I do not mean to take away from those that have epilepsy and have seizures on a regular basis--I can't even imagine what that is like. I know that I've only had one and to some that's not a big deal. But for me, it's been very frustrating and confusing. And honestly, it's made me very sad and depressed. So I would appreciate if anyone has any advice or can relate to what I'm going through simply to ease my mind that perhaps this is normal and that maybe I will return back to normal? Or is it possible that I will never return to being 100%? Please help me understand what's going on. If you have any answers to my questions, please help! I would greatly appreciate anything anyone can tell me!!
Thank you so much!