Leaving the land of denial.

Hi everyone. My name is Tonia and I'm a 33 year old married mom of 4. I spent most of yesterday on this site and learned a lot and also realized that there is a wealth of support here. Let me begin... This all began in March of 2004. My husband and I went out for an evening to ourselves. Dinner and Starbucks. We stopped by the bookstore before going to get the kids at his parents. I remember feeling 'off' at the bookstore. About 30 minutes after arriving to get the kids, I had a seizure. I never lost consciousness and was alert the whole time. I wasn't able to speak and my upper body stiffened with spasms centered in my neck on the right side. I also had exaggerated 'frowning'. Long story short, I was in the hospital for 3 days. I had several of these episodes, each one leaving me exhausted. The neuros called them pseudos. I went home humiliated to say the least. Fast forward to today. I've had these episodes for 3 years now and I never went back to get re-evaluated. Most have been so mild that I have been able to keep them to myself. Most times I just lose my ability to talk and mild 'frowning' takes place. I only have the neck spasms about 20% of the time, but they've never been as bad as that initial episode. Yesterday morning I awoke to an episode and this time my hands and feet were tingling and numb. It worked its way up to my elbows and knees. While my lack of speech didn't last long, the numbness continued for about 2 hours. I did a lot of thinking yesterday and have finally put 2 and 2 together based on past experiences that have made me decide to do something. There are times I wake up so exhausted as though I had been up all night and an odd headache that doesn't quit. So I'm wondering if I'm having them at night as well. My memory has been a crap shoot and has become noticeably worse this past year. I could be in the middle of doing something matter of factly and then just not have any clue what I'm doing. I have no recollection of important conversations with my husband, poor guy. While it's only happened about 3-4 times, I'll not remember about 10 minutes worth of a drive from A to B. One time I remember I was out running errands and just all of a sudden didn't know where I was. I had to keep driving until I realized where I was. My speech has issues as well every once in a while. I'll stutter or can't find the right word... simple everyday words. I usually have an 'aura' just seconds before an episode starts. I feel funny in the face, usually in the jaw/mouth region or in my eyes, making them water. Afterwards, my speech is a little slurred and I feel as though the energy has been stripped from my body. But it usually doesn't take long for me to get back to normal. As I said before, I remain alert the whole time and am aware of what's going on. Today my husband called a neuro who needs me to be referred. So he called the GP to see if he needed to see me or can just call us a referral over to the neuro. Of course this little bit of info will take all day I'm sure. There's really only one place to go to here and unfortunately that's where I went 3 years ago. In my opinion, neuros are the highest trained of the MDs and to save themselves from looking stupid, they coined the term 'pseudos'. There's a reason this is going on and I would like to know what. Believe it or not, the only test that was documented 3 years ago was an ECG. Now if I had a patient that was having multiple unexplained seizures with no prior history, the first thing I would do would be order a CT scan and then an EEG. Now I don't remember anything that took place then. In fact I will still argue the fact that I was only there for a few hours when in fact it was 3 days. Nice how time just flies by! So you see my apprehension on going back there. Our other choice would be Atlanta which is a 3 hour drive. That's too far if we end up having several appts. I'm frustrated with myself for thinking nothing of it all this time. I realize this may be more serious than I was giving credit to. I feel silly talking about it but I need to get it out. I guess I just need to know that they really are something and not just 'pseudos' like I was told 3 years ago, otherwise I feel pretty dumb. Sorry this turned out to be so long.