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I know what hell is. It's whatver it is ive had

Tue, 08/15/2017 - 16:58
I don't believe in much. But I know what hell is. It's schizophrenia and seizures. Many years ago I had an overdose that sent me to the hospital, and for some reason it never really went away. It begins with me never getting help, medication or advice. I didn't even know what it was called. I'm a 37 year old male, and what I went through for years and years was what I really believe to be hell on earth (it's been a while since I've been haunted for whatever reason). I went through hell bc I couldn't sleep, I heard scratches, noises, voices music and banging on my walls. To sleep meant I was decending to the pits of evil and hell. I remember going insane bc I was actually going through what I call "nightmare on elm street" at first I would notice the warm air in my room turn cold, with a cold breeze coming over me, I knew that it's here. It would give me a split second to snap outta my sleep or else. This was just seconds after I closed my eyes. I don't know man, some unexplainable events would happen to me, supernatural possession of my being, I would first notice my feet start consulsing, and it would go up towards the rest of my body, legs then arms and the last place was my face, the shivering were shaking me like I was right back into my seizure, and I would be terrified, I'm not afraid of anything but in that state I wasn't able to grasp control of my fears, panic and desperation, I would KNOW that I was seconds away from death, with voices laughing and talking to me, I would some how understand that if I let this consulsion get to my face, I would die in my sleep, or whatever you wanna call it, at some some point i would fight the evil demonic possession of me, forcing myself to snap outta that state of seizure and convulsion, fighting to save my life, and some force of some kind of evil would grab me and grab my what I call my soul to prevent me from waking up, and press it down or just try to rip it outta my body, I would naturally win and wake up. Only to find I slept for five mins max..this happened for years, and I'm not lying when I say this would happen every night atleast 3 times and up to 7 times per night, I tried everything to stop it. Prayers, changing rooms, beds, leaving the lights on, taking down all wall mirrors, decorations and anything else that would be demon friendly. No use. I remember how I was going insane. I would try to sleep during the day, nope same shit, months would pass and I would t be able to sleep, I then decided to not sleep, stay up all night and just rest with the tv on. Nope didn't stop, I got weak, broken and started losing my mind, I remember asking my room mate if I could sleep in the same bed as him, and I would ask anyone that was over to please watch over me bc I knew the min I would close my eyes it would happen, at first I thought maybe it's bc I did drugs and messed up my head, but doing them or not would not make a difference, and if was due to the drugs then why were my friends not having the same issue? When my room mate was not home I would beg my mom. At first she thought I was crazy, till she saw it for herself, but knowing that I had someone there to shake me and wake me up allowed me to have some confidence in trying to sleep (R.E.M.) even for a few mins, and sure brought she would snap me outta my "sleep" and say you started shaking like a possessed person, she said you looked like you were in the worst of all demonic nightmares, only I would remember everything bc I was awake. I started to think this was never going to end, and who could I turn to? What if whatever I had would follow them? Since it suddenly appeared in my life w no warnings. I started to think seriously about SUICIDE. Thinking at the very least I could escape this hell, and perhaps end up in another one idk. I remember also getting hurt punched in my face or something where I would beg god to help me. And no I didn't believe in god. But I did then in that moment, crying to Jesus to save me. Then it disappeared for whatever reason, and I would wake up not knowing if it was a dream, was I awake or was I possessed. Like I said it took the light of my life awake. No one understood me, or what I was going though. Honestly I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Then after months and months of the same shit, I just gave up, I decided to just let it seizure me to death, so I could die and go after whatver was haunting me, I threw out all my books on alchemy and Kabbala. Anything that was related to the after life, dream books, and all that shit. And my family would tell me if I went to church more often, that god would heal me, but I mean, come on, I knew that Jesus had nothing to do with this and neither did anything else. I WAS THE DEMON. Or was this a medical issue? It turned my soul cold, no smile no laughs and I isolated myself. At some point I went started to abuse something I didn't abuse before, I thought well if I'm to go nuts I may as well do it like a mad man and I started doing meth. I knew tnt it would probably worsen the schizophrenic hallucinations. But by then I had given up and wanted to be as dark as whatever that was in me. Finally I got the courage to not care about my life anymore. To stop fight the seizures and let it take over me, to let my soul be ripped out of my body. And it's strange bc that was the moment it all stopped. When I decided to not have any fears of anything and not be tied down to my existence and life. And as mysteriously it came in my life, it left me. Till this day I can't explain what the f$&k was going on. But some how me losing my mind was what it took for it to stop (I would curse at it, scream at it and such) . Like I said this would happen every night atleast 3-7 times that is to say if I tried to sleep. So if anyone else has ever gone though this...my heart goes to you, bc I know what u are going through, lastly I finally understood something, that heaven and hell isnt up or down. It's right inside of you. Right in front of you.

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