Finally Accepted that Epilepsy Changed Me

Hi. I'm 33 years old been having seizures for over 3 years. I ways officially diagnosed with TLE about a year ago after a 4-day EEG. Of course, even though I had had many seizures prior to the EEG, I did not have one during my stay. They saw the abnormal discharges. Enough to increase my dosage enough to shock my neurologist. I've had a few since then. I accepted the fact that I had Epilepsy but had refused to accept that it changed me. I was going to go back to the person who remembered and excelled at everything. I challenged it. A few weeks ago, it gave me a response. My brain went into gray mode and refused to pick up the pace. I'm not talking about the cliche exhausted saying. I mean, my brain was not making connections fast enough no matter how hard I pushed it. I mentally felt it (if that makes any sense). It was done. I cried. That's when I realized I was never going to be the same. Every goal I had is currently mentally unacheivable. My job is deadline oriented and can sometimes be stressful. I used to be called the human tape recorder and now I can't go into a room without having to think about why I'm here. I was applying to graduate school when this first occurred. It wasn't until 6 months ago that I remembered that I was applying. It has attacked every part of who I am and I don't know where to go from here. Anyone else dealing with this? Sorry so long. I was a writer as well.