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Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

I'm newly diagnosed with epilepsy. Its Februrary, and I first started having seizures was in June. I have complex partial seizures, and haven't been able to be seizure free for more than a month. I've tried Lamictal, but I had an allergic reaction. Then I tried Keppra which made me fret often, but controls the seizures until I skip a single dose. Then I'll have a cluster for a week, and I have around 4 a day. I tried dual therapy with topamax which was a horrible mistake. Im on 4000 miligrams a day of Keppra then trying topamax made me completely loopy. I felt like I was on drugs and couldnt remember anything. And it gave me acne so I got off of that quickly!
Heres the real question. Does anyone ever want to have seizures? It will be four weeks tomorrow since I have had a seizure, but I feel like there is so much pressure that I just need to have a seizure to release some tension. I don't have the feel good type of seizures. It hurts physically and mentally but I still find myself feeling the need to have one. Does this happen to anyone else?

Comments

I had partial seizures daily for the last 4 months and was miserable until I had a grand mal last week and after a few days of physically and mentally recovering from it I haven't had a partial seizure since and feel like i am not in hell anymore.  I hate grand mals but the doc said it raised my threshhold and resets electrical activity, hope it stays this way adn if it's true hope i don't have to wait for a big grand mal for months to get the daily clusters of partial seizures to go away.  I am afraid my luck is running out with injuries during grand mals, use to be just stiches and black eyes until this last grand mal shattered my tailbone, i will take this shattered tailbone over daily partials for months any day.

bubster

for me it is just like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  you wait, you wait, you wait.  tthen it happens, and i am okay for about 5 minutes then the cycle starts again.  what i ended up doing was to let it go.  i don't fell the headaches, or pain from the injuries.  i know they are there.  it is like the cartoon.  i don't have a seizure problem, i seize, i fall down, i break something, i get back yp.  see no problem.  what you are going throuth is hell, i know, like a lot of people here.  you are not alone.  hope it helps.  rikk

i often feel better and more refreshed after having a fit, i move around in a daze before a fit then i have a brain storm and boom i feel so much better and can think straight! its good to read someone else feels the same!

i hate being on drugs i feel doped up all the time like a zombie im on keppra at the moment but considering coming off it as side effects are dreadful. its a toss up between zombie and no fits or fits feel normal but can drive aand feeling normal wins time and again!

Wow! I personally can not say that I have. Maybe you should talk to your Dr.. I am a nurse, and it sounds like you may have some mental health issues which may be a side effect to your meds. I do understand the "refreshed" feeling that you are talking about, but I would never want to have one. It is not health for your body, especially your brain to have a seizure. Also, you never have the chance of being seizure-free for an amount of time, which is beneficial, if you continue to have episodes.
Melissa

"It is not health for your body, especially your brain to have a seizure"

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but seizures do NOT always have a permanent negative (= unheathy) effect on the brain.
They can, but such is not always the case. http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/thinking_seizuresthinking.html

~sol

I would be extremely happy if I never had a seizure in my life again, since it disables me for about ten minutes, but I do feel like it is a "brain reset". I have TC and lose consciousness for about ten minutes, but I have a clear memory of what happened before and what happens when I recover, and everything (so far) seems to be functioning normally.

I've definitely noticed that as I get older (and of course, as I take on more responsibilities), my mind has become much more hyperactive so it never rests (I'm proud of this). But a seizure seems to be rebelling against this, though it could all be psychological: a seizure may just be focus my mind on thing so I can forget my responsibilities for a while.

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