Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

I'm newly diagnosed with epilepsy. Its Februrary, and I first started having seizures was in June. I have complex partial seizures, and haven't been able to be seizure free for more than a month. I've tried Lamictal, but I had an allergic reaction. Then I tried Keppra which made me fret often, but controls the seizures until I skip a single dose. Then I'll have a cluster for a week, and I have around 4 a day. I tried dual therapy with topamax which was a horrible mistake. Im on 4000 miligrams a day of Keppra then trying topamax made me completely loopy. I felt like I was on drugs and couldnt remember anything. And it gave me acne so I got off of that quickly!
Heres the real question. Does anyone ever want to have seizures? It will be four weeks tomorrow since I have had a seizure, but I feel like there is so much pressure that I just need to have a seizure to release some tension. I don't have the feel good type of seizures. It hurts physically and mentally but I still find myself feeling the need to have one. Does this happen to anyone else?


Re: Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

I had partial seizures daily for the last 4 months and was miserable until I had a grand mal last week and after a few days of physically and mentally recovering from it I haven't had a partial seizure since and feel like i am not in hell anymore.  I hate grand mals but the doc said it raised my threshhold and resets electrical activity, hope it stays this way adn if it's true hope i don't have to wait for a big grand mal for months to get the daily clusters of partial seizures to go away.  I am afraid my luck is running out with injuries during grand mals, use to be just stiches and black eyes until this last grand mal shattered my tailbone, i will take this shattered tailbone over daily partials for months any day.


Re: Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

for me it is just like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  you wait, you wait, you wait.  tthen it happens, and i am okay for about 5 minutes then the cycle starts again.  what i ended up doing was to let it go.  i don't fell the headaches, or pain from the injuries.  i know they are there.  it is like the cartoon.  i don't have a seizure problem, i seize, i fall down, i break something, i get back yp.  see no problem.  what you are going throuth is hell, i know, like a lot of people here.  you are not alone.  hope it helps.  rikk

Re: Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

i often feel better and more refreshed after having a fit, i move around in a daze before a fit then i have a brain storm and boom i feel so much better and can think straight! its good to read someone else feels the same!

i hate being on drugs i feel doped up all the time like a zombie im on keppra at the moment but considering coming off it as side effects are dreadful. its a toss up between zombie and no fits or fits feel normal but can drive aand feeling normal wins time and again!

Re: Re: Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

Wow! I personally can not say that I have. Maybe you should talk to your Dr.. I am a nurse, and it sounds like you may have some mental health issues which may be a side effect to your meds. I do understand the "refreshed" feeling that you are talking about, but I would never want to have one. It is not health for your body, especially your brain to have a seizure. Also, you never have the chance of being seizure-free for an amount of time, which is beneficial, if you continue to have episodes.

Re: Re: Re: Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

"It is not health for your body, especially your brain to have a seizure"

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but seizures do NOT always have a permanent negative (= unheathy) effect on the brain.
They can, but such is not always the case.


Re: Does Anyone ever want to have seizures??

I would be extremely happy if I never had a seizure in my life again, since it disables me for about ten minutes, but I do feel like it is a "brain reset". I have TC and lose consciousness for about ten minutes, but I have a clear memory of what happened before and what happens when I recover, and everything (so far) seems to be functioning normally.

I've definitely noticed that as I get older (and of course, as I take on more responsibilities), my mind has become much more hyperactive so it never rests (I'm proud of this). But a seizure seems to be rebelling against this, though it could all be psychological: a seizure may just be focus my mind on thing so I can forget my responsibilities for a while.