DESPERATE 4 EXPLANATION + HELP

 

constipation 

Nausea 

Heat intolerance 

Muscle spasm

Unbearable Headache / increases with standing , on stairs , exercise 

Stress/anxiety 

Hypersomnia at morning

Insomnia at night 

Frequent dizziness with falling / no loss of consciousness 

Blisters around mouth 

High blood pressure 

 

Diagnosis that were made in hospital :

 

Heart Defects 

Epilepsy 

Hyperthyroidism

 

I'm a 21 years old guy , and I have these symptoms on daily basis ... I had tonic clonic seizures in childhood .. At least 2 each month .. Seizures stopped 5 years ago , as seizures stopped , I stopped researching and trying to find solutions ... Which led to me think that I'm fine .. I stayed quiet and wouldn't tell anyone about my symptoms thinking they're just normal and people experience them .. Sudden medical examination came up , few days ago ... And made me think again about my health ... I'll explain in bullet points about how epilepsy affected my life and I really need someone to share their though or tell me what they think 

 

Since kindergarten till I graduated high school , it was very hard for me I had serious issues and was lost , I used to bed wet on daily basis , and sometimes I'll wet myself in school.. I had no control on it and my family would always make fun of me and never comforted me , and those 14 years were frightening , terrible and scary for me .. I never understood anyone , I never communicated with people , I was always shy quiet and day dreaming .. And my academic performance was significantly dropped from getting a+ till f and repeating few years ... In those years I had suffered from a lot of bullying , and emotional + physical abuse which led to panic attacks.. 

Since I was brought to this world till this moment I just have 1 friend ...that was with me to support me all the time ... I was diagnosed with epilepsy before any that would happen , it was when I was about 5 years old .. I've had a lot of suicide thoughts and tried few times to end my life but I'm over that now .. And I always feel scared from any strangers , and in public I never can stand still which sometimes make me stay at home.. I always have to shake , and be nervous , and my facial expressions are uncontrollable ... And I keep on sweating a lot from my hands , and I feel so light headed ... Sometimes I'd suddenly storm out of a public place because the stress is a lot .. I also lack emotions , I have this straight face where I just stare with no movement at all or extremely shaking my legs .. My thoughts are never organized .. They start like 1,2 and suddenly I jump to 74736.. And then I forget about what I was thinking about .. My life is horrible , it's frustrating me because I can never remember anything from school only few flashbacks .. The rest of the time I'd be sleeping ... From kg1-grade 8 teachers always complained that I'm never mentally available .. And I'd always stare in the ceiling for 40 minutes ... And from grade 8-12 I spent the whole 5 years sleeping the whole 6 hours Long day In school .. And since I finished school I had to apply to college .. And I didn't and that's the third year that passed and I didn't apply to college .. I applied three times and was kicked out for

Poor effort ... And it's painful for me , because I. Want to develop a successful life but I don't know what's the reason behind all this , also I have to deal with difficult kind of family issues because of my situation .. Now after I went by all those issues and asked myself questions , I'm wondering why no one in school did something to help me get back on track , my teachers were very harsh , I suffered from a lot of physical abuse that still makes me feel somehow uncomfortable and feel angry ... I needed help back then and everyone made it seem like noting was happening and would just toss me in the corner and let me be in my own world , and now after all those years they'd ask me what's wrong with you ... I really feel like I missed on a lot in life , because I never tried any experiences , my mom would never allow me to do anything unless if it was sleeping or studying till I became 20 and she literally gave up on me .. I always try to act like there's nothing wrong with me and I'm a happy person but I'm just lazy , but deep inside I know that I suffered from a lot of issues as growing up that lead me to this personality , and I also think that my epilepsy shaped me too .. It's been 20 years now and I didn't accomplish anything till now , I'm always alone , on bed , sleeping or drifting and living in misery .. 

I really hope to find few people who might experienced the same thing that I did or maybe close .. I need support ...