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WHO AM I?

Sat, 07/07/2007 - 22:18
i am so depressed and tired of it all. why God, why me? i cant drive, cant ride my bike, my hubby is scared for me to walk by myself. people are scared to go anywhere with me me cuz i might have a siezure. so it just me and hubby when hes off now. i am a prisoner in my own home. i cant go out back cuz of the pool and i might have a seizure and fall in. so here i sit day after day. they cant control my seizures though getting me off tegretol and on keppra shortened the t/cs. but i still have all the abscence , partials and complex partials daily. as scare as i was of brain surgery, when i found out they start all over so they cant even use a vns on me i was disappointed. i take 4x 100mg zonegrans and 500mg keppra in the morning and im back in bed within an hour for 3 hours. i take thesame at night plus 2 tranxene sd 11.25mg and i am out with in 30 min. i sleep so much it is rediculuse. plus if i have a lot os activity or a tc then i sleep more. whar a life. my back hurts from laying in bed so much!!! its just not fair, i spent 20 years under control. sure they told me when i was 25 that your brain chemicals change in your 40's and i might not need meds any more but it might get worse. but this is reidculuse. i got forced to take retirement cuz i couldnt remember my job anymore and longterm disability and sign up for ssi which i have but i amnot old. i cant even figure out a tip on a dinner check, how pityfull is that. i used to have a high powered job that oi had to know lots for and i dont rembeer nothing about it. i just dont know who i am any more. no business suits, just shorts and tees. no mancures or pedcures,jusrt home ones. moneys not there any more. and where did all my freinds go> emails and calls are nice but hey what happened to seeing me? ya we moved to the other side of town but.........we still live in town. life sucks banffgirl

Comments

Re: WHO AM I?

Submitted by Pharoah on Sun, 2008-03-16 - 20:39
It almost seems like we met somewhere before!  X.  - I'll look around here for seat and get accustomed because the options and prompts seem more scary than my first siezure! Hey, did you ever take a wrong turn in a hospital - maybe walk in on open heart surgery, scratch your ass and light a cigarrette? - Well, that's what i'm doing here today - being a 'NEWBEEEEEEEEEE' ...so how do get outa' here? - On the end of the surgeon's boot - i guess.  

Re: WHO AM I?

Submitted by ValNewLife on Sun, 2008-03-16 - 20:45

Banffgirl,

I'm so sad reading this.  You know it's my son with the Epilepsy, not me, so I can't say I know how you feel, but I hear your pain in your post, your isolation and loneliness, your tiredness, your frustration, your feeling of loss of your "past life"...

But what's amazing to me is, despite all those feelings, you are one of the most encouraging, uplifting, insightful, helpful people on this site!!!  You are needed right now, right here, in this place.  It's not a mistake that you are here (I mean in this place in your life...not just on this site).

Please be encouraged...Everything changes, you know that better than anyone...We don't know what God has waiting for us right around the corner.

I hope nothing I've said offends you...things don't always come out right!  You are in my prayers tonight, Val

Banffgirl,

I'm so sad reading this.  You know it's my son with the Epilepsy, not me, so I can't say I know how you feel, but I hear your pain in your post, your isolation and loneliness, your tiredness, your frustration, your feeling of loss of your "past life"...

But what's amazing to me is, despite all those feelings, you are one of the most encouraging, uplifting, insightful, helpful people on this site!!!  You are needed right now, right here, in this place.  It's not a mistake that you are here (I mean in this place in your life...not just on this site).

Please be encouraged...Everything changes, you know that better than anyone...We don't know what God has waiting for us right around the corner.

I hope nothing I've said offends you...things don't always come out right!  You are in my prayers tonight, Val

Re: WHO AM I?

Submitted by ROCKNROLL on Sun, 2008-03-16 - 21:20

WOW, YOU MUST HAVE WRITTEN THIS A LONG TIME AGO! JULY, 07! FUNNY HOW THINGS POP UP WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT! SYL, MY RESPONSE IS ALWAYS THE SAME........WHY NOT ME??? YOU KNOW MY LIFE, YOU KNOW I AM CONFINED TO BED MOST OF THE TIME, UNCONTROLLED E, AND A MULTITUDE OF OTHER MEDICAL AND FAMILY PROBLEMS. YES, YOU ARE DEFINITELY ENTITLED TO THE WHY ME MOMENTS, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ONE IS. WE ARE IN THIS WORLD, SPIRITUAL BEINGS HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIANCE. HOPE THE WHY ME'S HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND THERE IS A PURPOSE, A REASON UNDERLYING ALL THE PROBLEMS AND ISOLATION YOU FEEL. A DIVINE, SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE, A PERIOD TO GROW AND GET TO KNOW YOUR INNER SELF. PERHAPS THE REASON IS TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF EXACTLY AS YOU ARE, NO MATTER WHO LETS YOU DOWN, HURTS YOU, OR IGNORES YOUR EXISTENCE. AND WHEN THE WHY ME'S POP UP, ACCEPT THAT IT IS ALL RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY, AND FIND WAYS TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT DEAD END..........YOU ARE A SPIRITUAL BEING, MY FRIEND..........DO IT, BE IT! HEART TO HEART, JAN       

WOW, YOU MUST HAVE WRITTEN THIS A LONG TIME AGO! JULY, 07! FUNNY HOW THINGS POP UP WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT! SYL, MY RESPONSE IS ALWAYS THE SAME........WHY NOT ME??? YOU KNOW MY LIFE, YOU KNOW I AM CONFINED TO BED MOST OF THE TIME, UNCONTROLLED E, AND A MULTITUDE OF OTHER MEDICAL AND FAMILY PROBLEMS. YES, YOU ARE DEFINITELY ENTITLED TO THE WHY ME MOMENTS, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ONE IS. WE ARE IN THIS WORLD, SPIRITUAL BEINGS HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIANCE. HOPE THE WHY ME'S HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND THERE IS A PURPOSE, A REASON UNDERLYING ALL THE PROBLEMS AND ISOLATION YOU FEEL. A DIVINE, SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE, A PERIOD TO GROW AND GET TO KNOW YOUR INNER SELF. PERHAPS THE REASON IS TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF EXACTLY AS YOU ARE, NO MATTER WHO LETS YOU DOWN, HURTS YOU, OR IGNORES YOUR EXISTENCE. AND WHEN THE WHY ME'S POP UP, ACCEPT THAT IT IS ALL RIGHT TO FEEL THAT WAY, AND FIND WAYS TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF THAT DEAD END..........YOU ARE A SPIRITUAL BEING, MY FRIEND..........DO IT, BE IT! HEART TO HEART, JAN       

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