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TLE
Thu, 07/06/2017 - 03:42I was diagnosed in 2007 with TLE, right sided. Cavernoma removed but TLE still persisted.
Ten years later. I have lost my job (firefighter), my marriage of 20 years, a lot of friends / acquaintances.
TLE is an absolute swine of a condition. It's only this last year that I have come to recognise that it may be (definitely is!) my behaviour that is unusual and not that of everyone else.
I stopped all meds two years ago on a whim because I was tired of feeling fatigued and slothful, and thankfully the seizures have stopped, or so I think. Blackouts anyway. But the mood & thought process is way off the mark. My creative thinking drug free is absolutely amazing, and perception on life (this life) has changed massively. I struggle to understand how other people can not see and share my wider picture of existence.
I feel like this life is just the beginning of our journey and that I have seen enough of it before I move on to the next stage. I'm bored of it really and want to move onto the next stage but know that it will hurt my family. I do not fear this move, I look forward to it. In fact I fear nothing at all. Living without fear is very liberating but it tends to scare people. I snorkel on holiday for hours on end at great depths knowing that a seizure will effectively kill me but the peace, quiet, and beauty of the sub aqua world is probably the only place and time in this life when I feel unburdened of my troubles.
Conversation bores me. Authority riles me.
So am I wrong, or is it you that can not see beyond the limitations of this 'life?'
But apart from all that I'm good.
Perception of events massively skewed - Check
Irritability off the scale - Check
Depression - Check
Memory loss - Check
Hypergraphia - Check
Aggression - Check
Amazingly creative - Check
Nightmare to live with - Check Check Check!
Sorry but I know this will have given you little if any comfort at all but TLE removes my inhibitions on lots of fronts. Honesty to the point of being blunt, very blunt being one of them.This polarizes people very quickly indeed.
Dave
I have often thought of just
Submitted by clawrence on Tue, 2017-07-11 - 21:55
I have often thought of just stopping all the meds, except the anti depressant. I have been on those for about 20 years. With out them I would be lost. But I do want my life back, this life. My family means too much to me to hurt them. I have been single, on my own for 17 years. It is difficult to get over the anger. I occasionally have "poor me parties" alone. And, that's okay. Be safe, talk to people that understand what is going on. Everything turns out, it may not be the way you thought, or the way you want, but it will be okay. I promise you.