My story living with Epilepsy

Hello everyone, I'm Thomas and I am currently 24 years old, and this is my story. I was diagnosed at the age of 18 with epilepsy, after recovering from a severe case of mono. At the time the doctors weren't sure if it was from being so warn out from the mono, or if it was exactly epilepsy, so they had me stay in the hospital over night to confirm their diagnosis. I can't remember the first medication they put me on, but I recall not having insurance and the medication, both original brand and generic, were expensive, so I ended up taking just 3 months worth of the prescription and ended up going without the meds. I was stubborn at that age, and didn't want to accept that I had epilepsy, in my mind it was because of the mono, and I refused to be on medication for something that at the time, I truly believed I didn't have. I ended up going 18 months, the longest stretch since I first started having seizures, before I had my second one. That one came out of nowhere when I was attending college. The only thing I remember before the seizure was that my legs and arms kept jerking (which is now a common occurrence, especially right before a tonic-clonic seizure) and I would fall or almost stumble due to the jerks. I was admitted to the hospital once again, and confirmed that I have generalized tonic-clonic seizures. Since my second seizure, I have had a 15. July 29th, 2010 was the date of my first seizure, I cannot remember my second seizure on the day or month it happened, just that it was in the year 2012. I have now had a total of 17 seizures that have been gran mal tonic-clonic seizures, 3 of which have been in my sleep, 2 while I was at work, 2 while I was in the shower, and the rest have been either in my room or living room of the house I was living in at the time, most of them caused me to fall when the episode hit me, only a small amount have been when I was lying down. I was on Dilantin, and it was terrible, I had At least 8 seizures on Dilantin with increased dosage. I am now on levitracerum, but I have had my hand full of tonic clonic seizures with them as well, and the medication doesn't seem to be working all to well. My last seizure was the night of June 8th going into the night of June 9th 2016. I woke up with severe neck pain, which has been building up overtime with every passing seizure, and my back was very tight and my body very sore, as I was also groggy and very exhausted when I awoke. The neck pain really kicked up when I had a seizure on March 1st, 2016 when I was in the shower and had one, causing me to fall and get pinned against the bathroom door. My brother could not get to me, and I was stuck with my head and neck slamming against the ground and door. I pursued a goal and moved out of state to live with my sister in Utah, however, a whole lot more activity has happened. I've had 1 living in Utah, my sister believes I have had 2 since moving, either way, I experience auras frequently, at least 2-3 times a week, my speech is slowed, and I struggle to find words for my thoughts. Being tired/exhausted nearly all day is frequent, and it has even caused me to not be able to work for the time being, as my triggers are stress, exhaustion, alcohol, skipped medication, high anxiety, and those are the only ones I am aware of. Although the looks of it right now is that I will be moving back home closer to more family and friends, living here with just my sister is to hard and bringing out the worst with my epilepsy. I find living with epilepsy the most challenging thing I have ever dealt with. I've shut myself in from society except from those closest to me, I just feel more comfortable and safer that way. I have found a positive thing since I was diagnosed. I pursued an old hobby of mine, drawing, and all the time I would have spent on the outside world, such as concerts, clubs, bars, sporting events, or just even going and hanging out with friends, I dedicated most of that time into drawing and have begun to get quite talented. I still see my family and friends, but spend most of the time to myself, and by myself, the main struggle is carrying this burden and feeling it is taking over you. Ive had 2 MRIs, and 1 EEG, and I believe 1 C-T scan. The only things that was determined was the I have epilepsy, both MRIs and C-T scan were clean, however I have had many more seizures since my last MRI and many more falls, and I'm starting to think I may have really hurt myself in one of my last major episodes. I am getting checked out by my neurologist and primary physician when I get back to Texas, as my doctors here in Utah recommended I get evaluated for disability, at least until I and my doctors can't get everything under control and find the root cause. I feel like no one ever understands me and the decisions I make, but I know it's mostly because they don't understand what epilepsy is or simply just do not want to understand and could care less. One of the main side effects from having being epilepsy for me is the constant thinking abound what other people think about you and your condition, and whether or not it's not serious, paranoia sets in wuite a bit. When my next one is going to happen is constantly on my mind as well, and dizziness, twitching, slowed speech, lost thoughts, frequent anxiety, restless nights, pain, both physical and emotional are all as well. I feel that most people if not all people in this foundation and on this site will at least understand my story, and what I've been through and continue to go through. I've sacrificed a lot of goals, but also pursued and completed a few, my next goal is to eventually just to be able to live off my talents. Hope you all have enjoyed my story, Thomas.