Is it possible to retain consciousness during a grand mal seizure?

If you don't want to read the whole thing: does anyone have any experience or know of an experience where someone has tonic-clonic seizures but retains (though impaired) consciousness? 

For those with some time on their hands:


I had an episode for the fourth time last Monday. I just want to make sense of what is happening.

It starts with feeling nauseous and just plain "out of it". Thinking critically is difficult. I blink numerous times as if my eyes are trying to adjust. I get nauseous and find a pain in my chest, (my) left side of my sternum. I laid down thinking I'm tired. Then the head shakes come in. It feels as if my brain is bouncing off the walls of my skull, left and right. Like someone is taking my brain and bouncing it back and forth like a basketball, but quickly. I cannot tell if my head is actually shaking, but it feels that it is. I'm not crying but tears fall from my eyes. I tried calling for help from my parents, but managed to softly say "c-ca"... like my brain misinterpreted calling for help as actually saying "calling"? I dont even know. I kept rubbing my upper right forehead in an upwards motion with my right hand. I get up, and I feel the shaking inside of my torso. Thats when my shoulders get stiff and hunched over. My head then starts jerking backwards, chin up. It became a repetitive movement. I tried calming myself down by telling myself to remain calm and breath, the internal shaking would be less violent for maybe a split second, but no relief. I felt my abdomen feel like it was collapsing inward... while my head continued to jerk back. I can feel my teeth vibrating and I caught a glimpse in the mirror... which was the scariest. I don't know if it was my mind playing tricks on me, but I felt like I looked like the girl from The Ring (movie) in the beginning... the one who was found in the closet and her jaw was misshaped. My mouth drooped terribly on my left side and my teeth were chattering. I couldn't stand anymore, my abdomen kept bringing me to my knees from the inward collapsing feeling. I found my way back to the bed where all of the symptoms continued until all of a sudden they all stopped. I laid down and had a splitting headache, in the upper right where I was rubbing prior. And also had nausea. The next day, I felt like I was in a terrible car accident. I had whip lash, which I'm presuming was from my head jerking backwards so violently.

Like I said, this is the fourth time it's happened in the last 1.5 years. The first time it was just the head shakes. The second and third, the head and body shakes, while my head kept wanting to droop backwards. This is the worst case. I'm scared it's gonna happen again and be worse. If it helps any, I was extremely fatigued the week prior to this happening, slept from 12/1am-12/1pm, and a 1-2hr nap around 5pm... everyday.

Just wondering if anyone has any insight. I was diagnosed with Lupus 4 years ago, but it was never confirmed. I had an MRI done at that time for unrelated issues (constant eye shakes), but it came up clean. I don't have health insurance so I dont want to see a doctor if they won't come up with anything. I don't think it'sanxiety, but that seems to be what my research leads to? I think a seizure would best fit, but I retain consciousness. I'm not completely coherent, but the fact that I can remember these details makes it seem unlikely. I hit the back of my head pretty bad about a month before the first time it happened. But that was two Halloweens ago.

I am 21 years old, healthy weight, blood pressure of about 110/60.
Thank you for your time reading this "essay" haha. Any information is greatly appreciated!