If you cant be nice than dont say anything at all

Re: If you cant be nice than dont say anything at all

Submitted by gretchen1 on Tue, 2006-04-25 - 19:31

Pam? Your usual decency is showing again - thankfully. Oh gosh, I do hope that wasn't a post of mine. I don't think it was but if so, would you please email me. I am only visiting right now because I'm in terminal stress over tests my husband is having on his heart tomorrow which his cardologist states he is not stable enough to have but they have to be done anyway. He had a heart attack 3 weeks ago but is still heart attack symptomatic 3 weeks later. A medically touchy situation. We've been sitting on a cardiac powder keg for 3 weeks now and tests he has tomorrow will answer questions I'm afraid of the answers plus they will dictate his treatment course he feels he can't go thru again. Open heart surgery. So what's the other option? Just die? I'm a little stressed and may be loose of lip is my point. I am not here for a few days to cause anguish to those few who are probably moaning I'm posting after a long absence or anyone else. I have had my fair share of posts by me that are scathing. Some I felt had to be said such as one person who attacked my young daughter right after she was diagnosed and after she innocently introduced herself as a newly diagnosed and terrified epileptic. In the animal world that ridiculing person would be called and would be a predator. I told him so and have no regrets. It damaged her. She quit when she most needed support and information. What WAS that person's point in attacking her? I wrote a politer but scathing post to the person who said that mental illness and epilepsy is a result of the devil's deeds. But I wrote a very long nasty post one time as a result of being snubbed chronically by a few, who had become so cliquish others were being felt left out and were, and chronically bringing up something in one form or another that is well known to bother me. That is usually referred to as passive aggressive behavior. An example of passive aggressive behavior is a person I know who breaks into full out bawling if anyone gets even close to constructive criticism or topics she can't stand. Of course no one is going to continue talking to her when she is in a full out bawl in your face. See, that works. It is also very easy to slide in a stabbing remark on a post - which is also passive aggressive behavior and we ALL despise that and all, including me, should always be vigilant not to practice it because it's so easy and it's very effective and it is also very stinky. That kept happening to me, you cannot fight it, and I had HAD it. Later I apologized, sorta, not accepted. Well, what the heck do you do then? Still, I didn't need to have a temper tantrum in a post for hundreds to read. I had talked to these people privately prior to this several times. Told them they had hurt me, were continuing to do so and it continued. So, I blew up and I quit. NONE of any of that should have ever happened and I think it all boils down to respecting other's needs and dignity or as you said - treat people as you want to be treated. The most important Christian principals I learned and have impacted me were the ones in the pre-prepared lessons I was given when I taught Sunday School to 4-5 year olds which I think points out clearly kindness and respect of others is not a real hard concept to understand and practice. For me in my case,on both sides of the squall I was involved in here I think we were all wrong but all of our immature and careless behaviors, including me, caused me to feel, sniff, I wasn't really wanted by a few and I personally don't handle that well. Now months later I can see both sides of that I think more clear and to me? Including my part, it's gotten uglier but ugly words are just that and they will never be anything else but that. BUT I wonder if people know how many people have quit E forums because they did get hurt or insulted but they didn't announce they were quitting or why, they just did it.Not just here either, I've been on several E forums and they are ALL at times way too volatile. Right off the top of my head when I was active here I know of FOUR members who just disappeared because they were hurt or angry, didn't announce they were quitting, and all four had posts that were for me very helpful. How are they now? Who knows. How much are the rest of us missing because others hurt them and they quit? I know, quite a bit. These are people already living in a world that is very hard. Why make it harder? I am so glad when someone I've insulted unwittingly have the guts to tell me,so I can correct it, and give weight and respect to their feelings plus adjust my behaviors if necessary. On the other hand of course there will be personality clashes on any forums. I find that very uncomfortable,particularly if I have no idea why I offended someone. To me?If I ask someone who is obviously PO'd at me why they are and I get no answer or worse I'm told there is no problem but they passively aggressively keep battering me such as snipes in posts, leaving chat the minute you arrive and so many things. What can you do? Keep on coming back and taking it? Sorry my life is hard enough and I work very hard on maximizing it but leaving here when I did? Was a gigantic loss and continues to be. But I'm sure a relief to the person who obviously wanted me off, still for what reason I don't know. Maybe it wasn't even me, maybe that person had stress's in their lives I didn't know about and it came out as aimed at me and perhaps others. Maybe that person just has a rude personality. But I DID teach my 4-5 year olds, straighten it up or take your ball and go home, you are disturbing the tranquility of this class room where everyone else is behaving and having fun. Now HOW hard is that concept? I so wish I had a copy of this. I've read it several times and it just says it for me, gives me goosebumps and I'll bet you know what I'm talking about. A journalist wrote a short powerful thing entitled something like - What I Learned in Kindergarten. It is primarily about human decency, good habits, treating others as you want to be treated. Whenever I hear about netiquette rules I always think - just post what this guy learned in kindergarten. It really says it all. Gretchen