I need some advice!

This is complicated {of course} and on going. I've learned to live with my epilepsy and when I have seizures its just a conformation of the findings that I'll always have them. Even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. My first seizure was while I was in labor with my son. It took many doctors and 7 years to get diagnosed. They could only figure that the doctor {OB} let me go too long and being eclamptic had caused a seizure. My son weighed 9lbs 7oz's and looked like he was 3 months old. He was born with a lung infection beacuse when I seized he swallowed meconium into his lungs. I thought he may be a kid that gets sick alot {because he had started life with an infection} but this kid never got sick and I was greatful. I tried suing the doctor because he knew about my eclampsia and didn't take any precausions. Nobody would represent meand he got away free. Meanwhile I just had more and more seizures and doctors were telling me they were psuedo seizures. I was able to get divorced and move to another state.The doctors were great and treated me with respect so I decided to live here. After about three years my gums started to overgrow and I couldn't get a dentist to fix it for me because it was considered cosmetic and my insurance wouldn't pay for it. It was a side effect of dilantin and my boyfriend talked me into going down to mexico and have them do it there. I was a single mom living off ssd and barely made it month to month. My son insisted he wanted to go, my boyfriend said if he wants to go then he will. After three days in mexico my mom called missing persons to get them to try and find me. My mom told them I was a severe epileptic and my doctors and family were worried cause they hadn't heard anything from me. They said well, she's an adult and if you want to find your daughter you can get in touch with her sons father and he can do it. So my mother called and told him {he only saw my son on visitation periods and never called to find out how he was doing in school or even to talk to him}. I got to call my mom and she told me to call him but my boyfriend turned crazy locked me up, beat me,brainwashed me,raped me, stole my money ect. My son had to watch 7 months of it. Idid not want that but was afraid of him. He killed a guy in frontof me and my son just to give me an example of what he would do to me if I tried to leave, plus he said he would send my son to a labor camp and noody in my family would ever see my son again. He called the federalis to the motel we were in and told them where to bury this guy.I couldn't speak spanish and going to a border town I thought people would speak english, but they didn't. I saw how he had friends at the border and state and city police, even the red cross hospital and the consulate. He rented a apartment and bought five deadbolts for the gates and doors. The windows all had bars on them and I guess people don't have land lines in there homes, plus any pay phone has allzero's as the number. He would let me out to call people in my address book, only to ask for money. I never would have done that except that I figured at least they know I'm still alive. My boyfriend also turned into my doctor {he had gone to medical school and was registered at a hospital there. He would just take me in there and do tests on me and give orders to other doctors, he was calling me my wife. So anything I'd say was relayed to them as it was a part of my epilepsy.I thought that knowing my mother had called missing persons they would be looking for me and my boyfriend had my credit cards I.D. everything. And at the beginning of the month would go to an ATM that had a camera on it. Nobody ever looked for me and I just got weaker and weaker. The people around us knew what was going on but like he said, they are all watching you so don't try to leave me. They would just turn thier heads when they saw me cause you could see the bruises all over my body. I also was under 90lbs cause any food that I got I'd give to my son.He never did anything to him, except show him how to fix things and learn spanish. My son was afraid of what that guy would do to me so he always tried to please him. He even gave him his game boy because he said he needed money and that was an item my son didn't need. I told my son I'd buy him another and did. I woke up one morning after coming home from the hospital and this guy beating my head into the ceramic floors all nite {I had four golf ball contusions, a broken tooth,and my leg was injured and was all swollen. Got my son up and convinced him to go with me. I unlocked the doors and slid the keys inside the door {he was still sleeping} my son help me walk a few blocks then two older ladies that were going to church stopped and gave us a ride to a bus station. They even stopped by a bakery and got us something to eat because we had no money. I went up to the atm and couldn't remember the number {I only used it once} after the third time it ate my card. My son and I were both afraid because we were stuck, not knowing where we were exactly, having no money and that he was probably awake now and looking for us. My son went over to the taxi cab drivers and was talking to them, they were trying to get us back to the US. My boyfriend is on a city bus that comes around to a little side street. He's hanging his body out the door and yelling at us. He told the taxi drivers that I was having seizures and not in my right mind and he was my husband. The bus driver let me and my son on and I sat by a man that opened his briefcase and handed me some medicine to put on my wounds.My boyfriend got off the bus,said I was flirting with this guy and smacked me.He took my address book and called up one of my friends claiming to be a police officer and that I was going to jail and said to call her to help get me out so that my son wasn't left alone. If she didn't he would be put in a foster home in mexico. He had me talk to her and tell her it was the truth, she knew me vry well and could tell something was wrong. So she told him she had to get some money and go to an american express office to wait for her to call. You have to give a password and know the amount I guess. He dragged me by my hair and federalis were all on the street so he asked them to please take us there and to ignore my behavior it was epilepsy. They did and we sat down and a man came up to us. The first white man in 7 months. He told me who he was {us consulate} and wanted me to go to his office to answer questions. My boyfriend flipped and told me not to but I was really weak and knew I wouldn't be able to stand/or protect my son anymore. They got a report from me, arrested him, and told me he would never be out of mexico because he had commited so many crimes. The Attorney Generals Office was also being contacted in case he left mexico he would be put in prison here. I asked if there were kidnapping charges against meand he looked on the internet and found nothing. He told me to contact the FBI for protection and to get someone on the case. I came to the US and my friend {the one that sent money} helped me get my I.D. let me stay at her house and to recover {she wanted me to call my mom but I didn't want her to see me cause I really looked bad, I went to the hospital and got checked and they notified my doctor because I only had so much medicine left and I had to change from mexico meds to american meds. I called the police dept where my ex lived and tried to find out what was going on. An investigator yelled and accused me and told me too get on a plane so that I could be arrested and my son given to his father. This man scared me, I told him where I was staying and my doctors names. He told me I was lying and didn't believe me. I told my friend that this police officer really scared me and I was felt like I was going to have a relly bad seizure. I woke up in the hospital with my mom sitting next to me crying. I asked where my son was and she said holly I couldn't stop them. I got to talk to him for about 15 minutes before they took him. The cop called child services and told them to pick up my son.He'd come and get him and no family member of mine was allowed to have custody of my son fathers orders. So they put him in a foster home till the cop came to get him. I thought that family members were the first to get a child before putting them into foster care. I have my parents here, three sisters, aunts and uncles and cousins. They all are respectible people that have lived in this community for a long time.I couldn't believe they could do that to my son, he'd already been through soo much. I was able to contact my ex and he let me talk to my son and all he did was cry and say he couldn't do anything about what was going on. My doctors wrote to the judge explaining my medical situation and that they did not want me to leave the state. The DA knew also and agreed that it would be better if I waited till my health had inproved. My ex went to court and the judge ignored my health situation, he said all kinds of disgusting things about me like, she has my son watch her have sex with her, that I was a drug user {I have been that but, its epilepsy medications that I've taken since my son was born} and never specified that just that my son witnessed my "DRUG" use. I got all my parental rights taken away and was to have no contact with my son.I wrote to him and sent him gifts, b-day,x-mas,if he needed something ect. Then I started calling him every other month and I was taking a chance doing that becase I was afraid my ex would have file charges against me. But it was hard to have spent the last ten years with your child then suddenly taken from you. The cop called social security and told them I was a felon and my benifits stopped. My medications are about a grand a month and my mom paid for them a week at a time. They never stopped my benifits when I was in mexico.My charge was fleeing the country and kidnapping.I thought they were idiots, why would someone go to a country that has limited healthcare, plus leave a place that I'd finally been able to find that knew how to treat me, and why would I kidnap a child I had full custody of? The FBI came to my house and showed me the report, the pictures that they took of me {which they were supposed to return}. Thenthis guy goes,'since I'm an officer of the law I'm going to have to arrest you". He wouldn't let me take any meds or my magnet, he told me on the way to ail that there was a bank robbery that day but the guy decided not do do it so, I was going to be his first arrest {wonder why he felt so obligated when I was basically confined anyway}. He told me I'd be out by the end of the day after the judge heard my case. I stayed there a couple days freaked out not having any meds, the gaurds are perverts and cause you have to wear those orange overalls they wait till you have to go to the bathroom cause then you have to pull it down {your breasts show}. Oh and this is unbelievable, after they take you out of that tank {like a drunk tank} they take about twenty women to a changing room and they hand you a paper bag ad walk around a crtain,but they have cameras watching you. Jack off time I guess. I wastaken to the medical floor and a doctor came in and told me," I just talked to your doctor and I have no idea what to do". You'd think they'd at least take me to the hospital for observation . The nurse came in after the second day and said are you having a seizure? You have to tell me when you are cause I don't know what they look like. She hand me a bunch of pills and I tell her one is the wrong kind and its too much. She gave me a whole days worth cause she didn't have time to bring it in at my med times. I saw her sit three feet away from my door and watch trash tv all day.I got to see a judge and she said I needed to appear in court within a couple months and went back to my room, nurse came back in and gave me more meds. You cant refuse and they watch to make you swallow everthing and about an hour later Iwas released. My mom wasn't home and they wont let you sit in the entrance.I was loaded and on soo much medicine I could hardly walk. I was afraid if I went outside I would be accused of being drunk or ON DRUGS, so I thought I would try to walk to the hospital. A lady came up to me after I'd made it a few feet and asked me my name,then hsaid he was the bond person. She almost had to carry me to her office and when my mom got there I was taken to ER, toxic on epilepsy meds.Then my ex boyfriend calls my house constantly. I freaked and called the american consulate to find out what happened. He couldn't cause he didn't know what the judge had ruled.He called the suicide hotline and told them he was shot on the side of the road at an exit and he was going to kill himself if he didn't get to talk to me. About 11pm the city, state, and federal police come to my house and ask for me to help them cause they cant find him. I told them I wasnt going to look for him and I didn't care if he was dead.He was calling my moms cell phone from work and it showed up as her cell number. I told them his moms liscence plate number and where she lived. The cop told him not to call me again. I had to go get a restraining order against him {100 years and my court was over the phone cause I was too afraid of being around him}. He didn't show up and they were supposed to go arrest him but did not}.Then my sister looked at my bank statement and asked if I had an aol account. I called them and they wouldn't tell me anything because I didn't have the password.They had been taking money for a year. I filed identity theft and called my cousin {he had worked for aol and he said, holly its someone that wants you to know they are watching you,if it it were from something else they'd go buy a bunch of stuff at once. then my cell phone got turned off and I called the company and they said someone ordered hotmail and it went over your spending limit. I told police and they told me he was living in the city, and never did anything. It was getting close to the end of the date the judge said I had to appear so my mom took me out of the hospital and my aunt who is a nurse was with me and another aunt that had just retired from being a sheriff. They were afraid to put me in thier jail and I pleaded no contest and returned home. I didn't know that was considered by judges as guilty.They put me on a summary probation for three years. My son would ask me to come visit him and his father would say you can see hm for 15 minutes at the park across the street from my house and I'll be siting next to him.Or we can go to court. I did at the beggining of this year. The judge gave me annual visitation, for 8 hours, 4 on sat and 4 on sun at the end of the month. It also has to be supervised because of the kidnapping charge. $80.00 each day. The judge knows how much I get from social security, not enough to live in. So my relatives got together and they pay for my flights,food, traveling like rental cars and gas {I can''t drive so one has to make arrangements}cost of visitation, a church that my aunt goes to and I did when I was little even help pay. Got me a good attorney,but my ex has somehow manipulated my sons thinking and he promised to have counseling for him if e got custody of him and never did.I asked for an investigation and the LCSW was supposed to come up with a treatment and observation of what is in the best interests of my child. My ex went and took my son to a therapist and after the firt visit he wrote a letter to the court on behalf of my ex. It stated that my son has ptsd and for him to be around me even in a supervised visitation environment would only exaberate his symptoms. That I'm not a responsible or reliable person and only care about myself.That person has never met me and by law doesn't have the requirements needed to diagnose a person. A judge lets this crap in the court, plus the attorney even signed the paper and I know that any attorney with knowledge/like a doctor wont sign something that is false.They lie in court and the judge isn't seeing what is obvious. I have an attorney also that in case I don't make it she'll be there to defend me.But she gets paperwork like the day before court and they are supposed to get it in a "timely fashion" but judge doesn't care. They want me to fill out information about my meds and the doctors and I think, even though its through family services my ex will somehow try to get information on me to use against me. I think its private and dont want to even give them the names of my doctors but I want to see my son.He hates me and it was said that he got mad after I took his dad to court. For 32hours of supervised visitation. His father has made it into something its not, my son is taller than me and weighs more too.And his father has never known how severe my seizures are ,how many I have a month, what my meds are. But he's convinced the court that I'm a horrible person that is dangerous to be around. I think they are going to tell me I need to tell them my personal doctors, meds {which I take alot of but my body has a high tolerency for meds}.Oh and this is good, I went through the freedom of information act and after four years I got part of the report on what happened in mexico which would validatte everything I've told you.But it doesn't matter because I already pead to the crime {which I thought was like saying no comment}.They never investigated what I'd said, so I think I should get ahold of the editor of the local newspaper and ask him if he will print my story because I need some support from the community.If people get involved and are advocating on my behalf that wil let the courts see that they cant manipulate people.So when another person from that area is going through a he said, she said or any legal problem the court will have to make descisions based on the law and not anothers wishes. I have documented proof of everything, and my ex has his word. My word isn't even permitted. I know they are using my diability against me and that is against the law. Plus being a woman is a factor also.Don't you think a community would like to know whwat is really going on? As for my sons privacy, my ex never made sure anything was sealed and that concerns me and the judge not even requesting it. I gave birth to my son raised him for ten years then had him stolen behind my back by the law. I don't want to be 60 and have a person come up to me and say Im your kid remember me? He can sstand by his dad {which is wrong} then he can pay the consequences. He's almost 15 and he knows whats right. I would rather do this than spill out my ten volumes of medical records to a person that is not qualified to understand it and miscommunications effect my already dull life that is led in a remote area for pretection and have people that I love have to go through the last fifteen years again with me. I shouldn't be here but I knew I was a mother and that has kept me alive. I think my strength and not letting go deserves me the right to see my son. I'm not allowed to take my meds in the supervised visitation place and that is rediculous. If you've hung out with me this far thanks, and give me your advice. H