I feel as if I betrayed God

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Hello everyone. I am having a hard time coming to an understanding about my diagnosis of epilepsy as soon an anniversary arrives. I was diagnosed after one nocturnal seizure. After this seizure I was put on medication, of course, to control the "threat" of possible future seizures. The years of being on this medication have sometimes been absolute hell, literally, in my mind and this led me to search for answers. At first the answers I found filled me with knowledge sure, but nothing that increased my positivity. The answers I found only led me down a deeper hole of despair. Once I reached a certain point in the despair I needed something different and new and this led me to God.

The God I found was the Christian one; every type of proof is available. Jesus Christ set an example so bright who wouldn't want to follow in his footsteps?

I mostly follow Christ correctly, except accepting my life has been extraordinarily difficult for me walking in this new light. I have thoughts like, "Years of my life have been destroyed by this horrible drug, it's changed everything about me, it's ruined my relationships with other people, it's made me lose jobs I loved, it's made me do things I would have never done if only I had never had to have taken this drug." I forget that with God everlasting peace is possible. I forget it all because I still have thoughts of being seen as unsuccessful in the eyes of the world, I'm scared of losing control, and these compounding thoughts lead me away from Christ, away from God.

Clearly, I have a problem with the drug. I do not know whether this drug is of God or not. Of course believing in miracles I know that God has the power to do whatever he wishes to any of us at any time. Even so, I feel cursed. There is no clear answer to any of my questions and God is making me figure this out on my own.

Comments

I have to tell you my

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 2015-02-04 - 23:02

I have to tell you my testimony. Raised a strong Christian my whole life. Knew GOD and loved HIM just the same. Then got hit very hard. Written about this before so won't go into heavy details. After a head injury i got every type of seizure you can possibly believe in. Gran-mals, complex-partials, petite-partials (two brain surgeries) and i lost my job when made fun of. There was no med that my doctor did not try. I lost my ability to drive myself anywhere and had to depend on others for rides. I at the beginning after a surgery for the head injury/ankle injury i got into a problem with pain meds and already had a alcohol problem. I took my anger on my family, close friends and then of course GOD. I pushed away GOD, my church, faith, anything that i had in my mind that HE said in HIS word. That "before i was in my mothers womb HE knew me". GOD knew i was going to push HIM away BUT also knew HE would get me back. My head injury began in 2001. Can you believe that (15 years ago)? GOD must have intended me to see this because after 15 years of having no ability to drive myself, no reason to have my own car, by relying on others, if only you BELIEVE no matter what, continue to have the faith in HIM, HE will bring things back. TODAY, after 15 years i bought the car (actually a truck) that i have always dreamed of having. I quickly got that insurance and drove all over the place. I used to have EXACTLY the same things you wrote above until i decided to follow CHRIST IN ME AND NOT TO SPEAK IT. Romans 4:17 "Speak those things that ARE NOT as though THEY WERE." If you believe in the CHRIST you say you do then get you some index cards, go to a bible and get healing scriptures. Write them down and read them repeatedly THEN SPEAK THEM. Don't speak what the devil places in your mind ("I feel cursed"). Only speak HIS WORD! I don't know it by heart so i have it on cards and read it and when the devil attacks! My main scripture is "BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED". I hope this helped some. grace and peace.

I have to tell you my testimony.  Raised a strong Christian my whole life.  Knew GOD and loved HIM just the same.  Then got hit very hard.  Written about this before so won't go into heavy details.  After a head injury i got every type of seizure you can possibly believe in.  Gran-mals, complex-partials, petite-partials (two brain surgeries) and i lost my job when made fun of.  There was no med that my doctor did not try.  I lost my ability to drive myself anywhere and had to depend on others for rides.  I at the beginning after a surgery for the head injury/ankle injury i got into a problem with pain meds and already had a alcohol problem. I took my anger on my family, close friends and then of course GOD.  I pushed away GOD, my church, faith, anything that i had in my mind that HE said in HIS word.  That "before i was in my mothers womb HE knew me".  GOD knew i was going to push HIM away BUT also knew HE would get me back.  My head injury began in 2001.  Can you believe that (15 years ago)? GOD must have intended me to see this because after 15 years of having no ability to drive myself, no reason to have my own car, by relying on others, if only you BELIEVE no matter what, continue to have the faith in HIM, HE will bring things back.  TODAY, after 15 years i bought the car (actually a truck) that i have always dreamed of having. I quickly got that insurance and drove all over the place. I used to have EXACTLY the same things you wrote above until i decided to follow CHRIST IN ME AND NOT TO SPEAK IT.  Romans 4:17 "Speak those things that ARE NOT as though THEY WERE."  If you believe in the CHRIST you say you do then get you some index cards, go to a bible and get healing scriptures.  Write them down and read them repeatedly THEN SPEAK THEM.  Don't speak what the devil places in your mind ("I feel cursed").  Only speak HIS WORD!  I don't know it by heart so i have it on cards and read it and when the devil attacks!  My main scripture is "BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED".  I hope this helped some.  grace and peace. 

I have to tell you my testimony. Raised a strong Christian my whole life. Knew GOD and loved HIM just the same. Then got hit very hard. Written about this before so won't go into heavy details. After a head injury i got every type of seizure you can possibly believe in. Gran-mals, complex-partials, petite-partials (two brain surgeries) and i lost my job when made fun of. There was no med that my doctor did not try. I lost my ability to drive myself anywhere and had to depend on others for rides. I at the beginning after a surgery for the head injury/ankle injury i got into a problem with pain meds and already had a alcohol problem. I took my anger on my family, close friends and then of course GOD. I pushed away GOD, my church, faith, anything that i had in my mind that HE said in HIS word. That "before i was in my mothers womb HE knew me". GOD knew i was going to push HIM away BUT also knew HE would get me back. My head injury began in 2001. Can you believe that (15 years ago)? GOD must have intended me to see this because after 15 years of having no ability to drive myself, no reason to have my own car, by relying on others, if only you BELIEVE no matter what, continue to have the faith in HIM, HE will bring things back. TODAY, after 15 years i bought the car (actually a truck) that i have always dreamed of having. I quickly got that insurance and drove all over the place. I used to have EXACTLY the same things you wrote above until i decided to follow CHRIST IN ME AND NOT TO SPEAK IT. Romans 4:17 "Speak those things that ARE NOT as though THEY WERE." If you believe in the CHRIST you say you do then get you some index cards, go to a bible and get healing scriptures. Write them down and read them repeatedly THEN SPEAK THEM. Don't speak what the devil places in your mind ("I feel cursed"). Only speak HIS WORD! I don't know it by heart so i have it on cards and read it and when the devil attacks! My main scripture is "BY HIS STRIPES I AM HEALED". I hope this helped some. grace and peace.

I had to give you my

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 2015-02-04 - 23:41

I had to give you my testimony. I know i have always had a deep faith in the LORD my whole life. Then a head injury occurred that lead to all the types of seizures in 2001. I had two brain surgeries (seizures continued), was made fun of at the job, i lost the job, as with most of us the ability to drive was gone. I dealt with pain med addiction and had been dealing with alcoholism already. My doctor had tried all the meds who could have possibly try. There were none left. I pushed people away. My family, close friends, and then GOD. My trust in HIM, my church and my faith. I was angry at HIM. I had done all i thought i was suppose to do. I paid my tithes. Why did a head injury have to happen to me? Somewhere along the way before i lost my job he sent me an angel. A strong christian co-worker who brought me closer to him. Who wanted so hard not to deal with me but follow what the HOLY SPIRIT told her to do and slowly i found my way back to HIM. Now i still didn't have my ability to drive yet (again) and my seizures were still not under control but i believed HIS WORD that it was going to come because "by HIS stripes i am healed". So i tell you this. On this very day and i mean this day (15 years later) i just bought a truck!. Getting my ability to drive back. So i tell you to don't speak the words "i feel cursed". Go to Romans 4:17 : Speak those things that ARE NOT (dealing with seizures) as though THEY WERE (healed and never to return). They may not happen when we want them BUT GOD is a faithful GOD if we just believe. I got my bible (the WORD) look up scriptures that involved HEALING and spoke it every time the devil tried to attack my mind. GOD may not come when we want HIM but HE will always come on time. grace and peace.

I had to give you my

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 2015-02-04 - 23:45

I had to give you my testimony. I know i have always had a deep faith in the LORD my whole life. Then a head injury occurred that lead to all the types of seizures in 2001. I had two brain surgeries (seizures continued), was made fun of at the job, i lost the job, as with most of us the ability to drive was gone. I dealt with pain med addiction and had been dealing with alcoholism already. My doctor had tried all the meds who could have possibly try. There were none left. I pushed people away. My family, close friends, and then GOD. My trust in HIM, my church and my faith. I was angry at HIM. I had done all i thought i was suppose to do. I paid my tithes. Why did a head injury have to happen to me? Somewhere along the way before i lost my job he sent me an angel. A strong christian co-worker who brought me closer to him. Who wanted so hard not to deal with me but follow what the HOLY SPIRIT told her to do and slowly i found my way back to HIM. Now i still didn't have my ability to drive yet (again) and my seizures were still not under control but i believed HIS WORD that it was going to come because "by HIS stripes i am healed". So i tell you this. On this very day and i mean this day (15 years later) i just bought a truck!. Getting my ability to drive back. So i tell you to don't speak the words "i feel cursed". Go to Romans 4:17 : Speak those things that ARE NOT (dealing with seizures) as though THEY WERE (healed and never to return). They may not happen when we want them BUT GOD is a faithful GOD if we just believe. I got my bible (the WORD) look up scriptures that involved HEALING and spoke it every time the devil tried to attack my mind. GOD may not come when we want HIM but HE will always come on time. grace and peace.

I feel as if I betrayed God

Comments

I have to tell you my

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 2015-02-04 - 23:02

I had to give you my

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 2015-02-04 - 23:41

I had to give you my

Submitted by Anonymous on Wed, 2015-02-04 - 23:45

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