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happiness

Wed, 05/02/2007 - 03:34
its hard to be happy when you have no control over your life. i live as a prisoner in my own home. i have no will power. it takes days to accomplish things that require just minutes. i am a burden to my family. i want to die but i cannot because suicide is shameful - it will bring sadness to my family. i am stuck. i am stale. my pride has disappeared. i have no hobbies. at the moment the joy in my life consists of the nba playoffs. what will i do? i dont know. i hope i die during my next seizure because it will mean i did not commit suicide.

Comments

Re: happiness

Submitted by stevedj on Wed, 2007-05-02 - 14:54
You know some of us have been through bad times in depression. Sometimes the best thing to do is speak to your doctor about this. Sometimes in can be Medication releated certainly what happened to some of the people on the site and this needs to change. Suicide is not a good way to look forward into you life and try and find a good way forward. I hope I've said the right thing, all the best and know people are here on the site, Steve.

Re: Re: happiness

Submitted by Katja Sweeney on Wed, 2007-05-02 - 18:06
Thank you Steve, I am very depressed through my medication. I feel like shit at the moment. At least I am not alone in this... I'll try not to cry..., but fight for my happiness, even if it hurts. Katja

Re: Re: Re: happiness

Submitted by sackofrice on Wed, 2007-05-02 - 21:03
lately i have been thinking a lot about crying and why i can not. my eyes get wattery but not like before can i just have tears come out of my eyes. i remember before being really unhappy for a few years but alteast i was able to have extreme emotions. now it feels like i can never be too happy or too sad. i used to hope my condition would fade away and with every seizure my happiness would disappear. now when i get a seizure i dont get sad. i just dont feel anymore. life is boring and i do nothing to dig myself out of this hole. heres something to think about: i was chilling with a few friends last year and all of a sudden my friends look at me really weird. i was like wats going on? i later found out i had a seizure but nobody knew i did because they thought seizures had to be physical. during the seizure i said something really vulgar about someone's mom. how could that be? the only thing i could say was sorry for something i did not do. fuck that.

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