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Feeling a bit downhearted...

As a young girl I would get petite mal seizures almost daily. This went un-diagnosed for years, as my parents just thought I was a daydreamer!  My seizures eventually progressed into what was then called grand mal seizures, and I had my first one after a night of sleep deprivation at age 14.  I was not tested for epilepsy at that time, it was not until I had yet another grand mal seizure at school a few months later that I was sent for testing and then diagnosed with epilepsy.  I took medication for years and then as I reached my early 20's, stopped taking it as I was TERRIBLE at taking it, I would forget to take it more often then not and figured it was not good to be taking it like that, in addition I had seen a neurologist and he had advised that he was going to take me off the medication next visit as it was not good to stay on the drug I was on for a prolonged period.  

I went almost 20 years without having any type of seizure and then a couple of months ago I had 3 grand mal seizures in one day, one I had just before getting into the tub (scary!!), fortunately I passed out on the floor instead, when I awoke I stumbled to my bed to lye down, where I had yet another, my husband heard/found me.  My husband had never witnessed me have one before, and called 9-11, when it stopped I don't remember anything except waking up completely confused and my husband told me not to get up, I had a seizure and the ambulance was on it's way, my mom was standing at the foot of my bed as wake up and not know where you are, what happened, and to have two paramedics all of a sudden sitting at your bedside asking what happened what you remembered, is not a nice thing to experience.  They took me to the hospital where I had yet another seizure, they gave me a CT scan, the results came back fine, and they started me to on medication again.  I went from being completely fine to having to cope with a number of life changes again!  I had to take a week off from work because I had bit my tongue so bad, it was swollen and bruised.  When I returned to work I discovered I was having trouble reading/ has gotten better but it's been so overwhelming.  I have been having side effects from the new medication (shaky, dizzy, and severe restless legs), and although I have been fine (no seizures), I fear that the new medication is not working and I could have a seizure again at any given moment.  I am embarrassed and feel as though my husband sees me differently now as he has never seen that happen to me before.  I have had my drivers license taken away so any bit of independence I had has been taken from me. I think daily of what could have happened and it makes me sick, what if I had of gotten into that tub, what if I had of been driving and took someones' life?   In addition to everything I have developed aspiration pneumonia due to inhaling something while I was having one of the seizures, and have been experiencing complications due to that over the past month and a bit.  I try to remain positive but it's hard, I know others have it alot worse, and maybe I am just having a pity party for myself right now. I have a very supportive family which helps, but I am still so saddened that they have started again, it's not easy. Guess I am just in need of support from others who are afflicted with the same medical condition.  Anyways, thanks for listening.

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