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Epilepsy, dating, and thoughts of having children

Tue, 04/03/2007 - 21:45
Hi everyone, I'm a 38 yo single female epilepsy patient in Oregon. Aside from the fact that I've suffered from epilepsy for about 18 years, I lead a relatively normal life. I'm in veterinary school, suffer simple partial (continua?) psychic seizures that cause cognitive deficits, and also suffer from the typical psychosocial issues many patients with epilepsy have problems with. I've always wanted to have marriage and family if I met the right guy. As time has passed, I've matured, gotten better at relationships, learned a ton about epilepsy and how it affects me, and watched my symptoms become gradually worse and more persistent, albeit milder than many people. I worry about successfully practicing medicine, a bright future assuming I maintain the cognitive function I need to do so. I've watched my cognitive problems become worse, as I said. Still, I'm highly functional, and no one else can tell that I have a "buzz" or feel a little confused a lot of the time. I'm completely able to understand concepts and problem solve, but I'm a little slow on the uptake. I'm somehow, miraculously, able to "work through it" almost all of the time, and school has only set me back a couple times due to my epilepsy when the stress and sleep deprivation caught up with my brain, so to speak, during test taking times. I've started thinking about dating again. I had a breakup about 2 years ago. He wasn't supportive of my career, and had a negative attitude about epilepsy and having kids, which I'd never considered before. My mother is also epileptic, has always been well controlled, and she hasn't had the problems I have had with refractory simple partials. I've always dreamt of having a family, and I worry that men I date will have the same attitude. There's also increasing evidence that offspring of women with epilepsy have a much greater risk of cognitive impairment, which causes me to questions the ethics of my having my own children, knowing what I do about my own condition and the risks to a child, even if the pregnancy and birth go fine. This whole issue hugely impacts my "dating strategy". I've always made it clear that I'd like to meet someone who'd like to have a family, and now...??? Anyway, I wonder if there are others out there who struggle with some of these issues. How have you coped? What are your opinions about what I've written? Thanks for reading my vent..I hope this is a good place for it! Best, Lil

Comments

Re: Epilepsy, dating, and thoughts of having children

Submitted by autumn18 on Tue, 2007-04-03 - 22:31
Lil, I'm going through the same feelings right now. I'm from Panguitch, Utah, single, Epileptic paitent, but I'm 18. Strange enough, we have something in common. You and I have had some of the same experiences. School has been a hassle the last 6 yrs for me.I have Grand-mal and Complex-Partial seizures. I have not let it drive my life into the ground. As I went thru school I never had one til I hit junior high(middle school). I was heavily involved in volleyball, and basketball. I had a Grand-mal seizure coming off the court playing basketball. I'm now 1 month and 19 days away from graduating and I have only had two throughout HS. One in PE class as Freshman and one in English class as a Junior (last year). What an embrassement it was. I showed everyone my secret. Some of my classmates knew exactly what was going on but others had no clue. So I took it upon myself to educate all the faculty and students how to deal with it if I ever had one again. Dating issues is hard to overcome. I had one boy that totally excepted me for what I was and looked past the Epilepsy and since then the others kinda back up when I tell them. I do this to help make it easier on myself and him; Do you keep it a secret til they find out from the "Grapevine" or do you come out and tell them? As for me I come right out and tell them. I wait for the right time but I do tell them. Sometimes the right time for me was when he came crossed my "MIAB(medical identification alert bracelet)" or if he asked me a question that is this type.... Is there any "secret" I need to know about you? Or a similar question. Up until last year (17 yrs old) It was the hardest subject for me to talk about. Now since doing a FFCLA project on Epilepsy Awareness I feel much better and can/will talk about it. Now school after HS you will have to "coach" me on that one. So my advice to you is don't let yourself dig that hole that makes you have a seizure because of the way you are feeling. Keep this 2 quotes in mind when you get down; A.) Don't be afraid to live life to the fullest and don't let it take over your PRECIOUS life. and B.)Normal is just another setting on your washing machine. We are far from normal, cuz we have a trial we face more often than anyone elses. So Cheer up and I can try to help you if you help me. What do you say to that? Do you mind telling me where you are from in Oregon and little bit more about you? (; Autumn ;)

Re: Re: Epilepsy, dating, and thoughts of having children

Submitted by liliansabina on Thu, 2007-04-05 - 21:38
Autumn, You're awesome, you know that? I was really feeling down, and you helped cheer me up a lot. Thanks. I'm so sorry about what you've had to go through with seizures in school. I haven't had a generalized tonic clonic in almost 18 years...my issues are much different than yours, in the sense that my mind is affected (which wasn't always the case). I wonder if you deal with any AED side effects like I have for years? I've been on many a drug, and now Keppra (fatigues is my complaint about that one). Anyway, thanks for the support, and please ask me about any concerns you might have about epilepsy as you age...because for me, it changed quite a bit over time. I'm actually a native Chicagoan, and went to undergrad in southern illinois. Are you amping up for college soon? I moved back to Chicago for awhile, and decided *exclusive* city life wasn't for me- I wanted a mix, so I moved to Portland, OR. Aside from missing being around family a lot, best place I could have ever chosen to settle. I'm living an hour south of there now, where the OSU vet school is. 1 more year to go, if I can make it through with my fuzzy brain. I worry about my less than prime attention span, and short term memory, and making mistakes, or problem solving too slowly. I try not to let it get to me, because only time will tell how well I practice medicine with my disability. I'm going in for VEEG and imaging in June- hopefully will get some more answers. Anyway, I'm glad you wrote, and I'll be sure to check in here as I can to see how you're doing too...hope to hear back! Best, Lil

Re: Re: Re: Epilepsy, dating, and thoughts of having children

Submitted by autumn18 on Sun, 2007-04-08 - 23:48
Hey Lil, I have had an EEG, MRI, and CT scan. What the heck is a VEEG? I have to many triggers what about you? Mine are heat, chocolate, caffine, sleep deprived, flashing BRIGHT lights, and anything along those lines. What is your triggers, meds, and what the heck is AED side effects? I don’t know if I have any until you kinda explain. When did you start having seizures, what types, and have they ever stopped before and then restarted? You will need to coach me thru College since I'm trying my best to help you. Guess what I'm coming up to Portland to visit my aunt on the 15 and spend my senior trip with my mom and aunt. What a fun time I will get to have. I'm going back to the ocean for the 2nd time. Then we might eat dinner on a paddle boat. (; Autumn ;)

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