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Spouses and epilepsy
Mon, 12/05/2011 - 13:50Topic: Family & Friends
Not sure what to say but that either I was horrible husband and didn't realize or about the time my wife started taking medication she changed emotionally and physically. My wife started taking her epilepsy medication sometime in 2006. She was having spaced out moments at work and varying times and this sent her down to neurologist whom eventually diagnosed her with epilepsy in her late twenties. This wasn't long after she had our second child. Now one thing for sure we know the medication did eliminate any sort of sexual drive with her and thus with me. She was never the most sexual person anyway but there was something, but she started pushing away from me. Usually she would at least turn toward me or lay close to me..but even that slowly died away. To her credit she tried to have sex even though her desire just wasn't there. Neither of us had any clue about the medication being the cause for a couple of years but at that point I felt unwanted and she was starting to just not care. She really didn't want to talk about it and that made me feel even worse. We had recently moved a long way to new home and she dropped a bombshell saying she didn't want to have sex anymore and I just had to deal with it. Needless to say that is the last thing any guy wants to hear but I love her and so I started reading up on epilepsy. She really wanted to be detached from epilepsy, and I wanted to know more. When I pressed her about possible things to help...ie..peanut butter (pretty sure that wouldn't work) change of meds ( doc said if seizures are controlled to not change)..she didn't want to hear it. I was angry that she wouldn't listen to me, and she changed emotionally right in front of me. She became very callous towards me in ways she never had before taking the medication. We used to do things for each other and make each other laugh but now I was lashing out yelling much more than I had ever before...because she just didn't want to hear anything from me...of course nobody wants to have someone yelling at them. We have been married 15 years but when she is in dislike stage it is really hard to deal with. She pretty much makes me feel as though if I were dead she would be happier...the only bad part would be explaining to our two boys.... She recently had a visit with her neurologist who says he wonders if she has epilepsy at all and is going to re-test her. I really try to do all the things that make her happy (the little things) but as you women know men are anything but perfect...so after all this my question is. Does this happen to any other spouses? Any suggestions for me?
Comments
Re: Spouses and epilepsy
Submitted by LostLostLost on Tue, 2011-12-06 - 11:30
Phylis thanks for the reply. It's a sad disease/condition that has affected me more than I thought it would. Honestly if I could take it from her I would. Sometimes it's really hard to deal with when we go from having a great trip and she say she loves me and gives me the hugs I used to get all the time to now....which is like living apart in the same house. It can be a complete 180 and I don't know how long the down part is going to last. She just doesn't understand how she treats me. I really love her and for better or worse means something to me although I doubt that feeling more and more. I don't get angry or yell anymore..even though sometimes I really want to. She used to be so easy going and happy and considerate and loving.... sorry I am rambling. When you are mean or lash out at your husband do you understand what you are doing? My wife doesn't like talking about epilepsy for the most part. She used to tell me how it made her feel but mostly she keeps everything to herself. Thanks again i really hope things work for you, the great part is there is effort from both you and your husband. I might have to work into the therapy idea, although I would do it for her.
Thanks again
Re: Spouses and epilepsy
Submitted by phylisfjohnson on Tue, 2011-12-06 - 11:54
A random thought...Lamictal. The lowest dose is for depression. The next dose is both an antidepressant and an anti-seizure drug. And the highest level is for seizures and bipolar.
Is she taking any kind of antidepressant? I take Effexor and it's a godsend. (And no I was unaware that I was being mean and berating my husband. And it went on for some time...a couple of years.)
Perhaps there is an antidepressant therapy that could be added to her med mix. Or an anti-anxiety. That's one of the reasons why I feel a psychiatrist would offer help.
You're a wonderful, caring man. I know you will find a solution.
Phylis Feiner Johnson
www.epilepsytalk.com
Re: Spouses and epilepsy
Submitted by phylisfjohnson on Tue, 2011-12-06 - 09:22
Anger can be an unfortunate side effect of Epilepsy and/or medications. On one hand, many are trying to suppress it or deny it but the consequences are disastrous. To give you a truly ugly example (me) at one point my husband was going to leave me because I made him feel like such crap...a few years ago, I tried to commit suicide. I'm not saying that your wife is at this point, but I really think she could benefit from cognitive therapy with a good psychiatrist (because of the med/mind interactions). It's done me a world of good. We are also going to marriage counseling, because the suicide attempt left my husband so devastated (and untrusting). It's ugly, but I hope this helps. Phylis Feiner Johnson www.epilepsytalk.com