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Relationship strained due to epilepsy.
Tue, 07/05/2011 - 17:43I was diagnosed with epilepsy 20 years ago; 5 years before I met my wife. I had 6 seizures the first year they diagnosed me. I have what the neurologist calls generalized seizure disorder which manifest as juvenile myoclonic seizures as well as grand mal seizures. Even though my wife knew about my disease she has never saw me have a seizure; she did come in after I had one about 1 year after we met.
Until recently I hadn't had a grand mal seizure for 8 years, only the myoclonic, but about 6 months ago the myoclonic seizures started to increase in frequency. On May 20 I had a seizure while driving and ran off the road; luckily I was in a very rural area and only ran into a cotton field. Then 2 weeks ago I had a grand mal, then another grand mal last weekend. Concerned of this recurrence after so many years without them I went to the neurologist and while he is changing my medication and adjusting the doasage he says I cannot drive. I thought my wife's reaction would be one of sympathy and concern, but was I ever wrong. The only thing she seemed concerned with was that I couldn't drive and the only thing she seems sympathetic towards is herself because of the impact this has on her; I guess I just can't pull my weight.
I don't know how to react to this! I love my wife and took my vows for better or worse, but it just seems to me that when the worse comes for me she isn't there to help, only to complain. She thinks I should continue to drive, even though it has been mentioned that should I wreck during this time I could be held wholly responsible, wholly meaning insurance wouldn't pay, and if I wrecked and killed someone they could charge me with manslaughter. And even after explaining what I just said in the previous sentence she just doesn't understand the gravity of my situation. She keeps saying things that start with, "You would rather..." as if I have control over this or as if I have chosen to have epilepsy. I just really do not understand where she is coming from with her thinking concerning this. If I didn't have 2 young children I would have walked out!
Anyone have relationship issues due to their spouse not understanding limitations which are sometimes placed on them because of their epilepsy?
Re: Relationship strained due to epilepsy.
Submitted by princesscakes on Tue, 2011-07-05 - 20:17
YEP.... Maybe she just thinking of your limitations are affecting her I don't think she will think at this point how its affecting you . We as humans at the core are a little selfish . My partner still wanted me to drive but didn't understand how disturbing it is that your brain and all body functions can be lost in a second with no warning an your could plow into a innocent person on the road . My partner has witnessed me in a few auras and me explaining what went on prior to seizure like the blur of lights and body changes i feel . He has witnessed my misery with med changes now and the changes in me . She prob not understand why you were so stable for many years and now you are not due to the brains ability to build tolerance to medications . Give her time to absorb the shock and stand your ground to maintain your safety and remain car free until your safe to drive again. People do not understand that when your brain seizes it loses normal function they do not have a reference of how that feels because it never happened to them .