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How do i support him?
Wed, 03/30/2005 - 21:48Comments
RE: How do i support him?
Submitted by Learner on Sun, 2005-03-20 - 07:35
Hi Ally,
I have tried to be in the supporter role as well. In my case my girl friend began having seizers when she was 12 and all but stopped when she was 27 and had a lobectomy. I agree that knowledge is the main thing to gain in your suppport of your friend.
There is another side of the issue though. My relationship with her has pretty much ended because of her unwillingness to get on with life. In those days, she could do little on her own. The result was that people did a great deal of things for her. Her epilepsy still totally socially controls her even though she is nearly seizer free. Everything she talks about has to do with her past. Things must be done her way or no way at all.
The reason I mention this is to encourage you to not let your friend's medical situation be the center of his life or the entire focus of your relationship - platonic or dating. Regardless of how much he has seizers, there is a world out there filled with other things to be involved in and talk about.
Also, don't allow him to compare your relationship which is in the present and future with failed relationships of the past. It's easy to do and quite natural to a point to do so. If he has not put past events into proper perspective, he won't be able to move healthfully into the future.
These points may not relate to your relationship. They are the points that are killing mine with an otherwise fine woman.
In supporting him, remember to keep yourself strong. You can't support if you're not strong for him.
And, if you celebrate it: Happy Palm Sunday!
Learner
Hi Ally,
I have tried to be in the supporter role as well. In my case my girl friend began having seizers when she was 12 and all but stopped when she was 27 and had a lobectomy. I agree that knowledge is the main thing to gain in your suppport of your friend.
There is another side of the issue though. My relationship with her has pretty much ended because of her unwillingness to get on with life. In those days, she could do little on her own. The result was that people did a great deal of things for her. Her epilepsy still totally socially controls her even though she is nearly seizer free. Everything she talks about has to do with her past. Things must be done her way or no way at all.
The reason I mention this is to encourage you to not let your friend's medical situation be the center of his life or the entire focus of your relationship - platonic or dating. Regardless of how much he has seizers, there is a world out there filled with other things to be involved in and talk about.
Also, don't allow him to compare your relationship which is in the present and future with failed relationships of the past. It's easy to do and quite natural to a point to do so. If he has not put past events into proper perspective, he won't be able to move healthfully into the future.
These points may not relate to your relationship. They are the points that are killing mine with an otherwise fine woman.
In supporting him, remember to keep yourself strong. You can't support if you're not strong for him.
And, if you celebrate it: Happy Palm Sunday!
Learner
RE: How do i support him?
Submitted by monalisa on Sun, 2005-03-20 - 04:01
I would support all I could while doing what you are-that's keeping on learning all you can,but that's just my own opinion.I offer support to my friends,I try and understand,and try to do so whilst seeing all sides,and being as objective as I can.If they are wrong,then I say so(nicely.)A suggestion might be to keep reading the good information there is upon here you need to.Also read through the threads-one in particular that talks about what is support,and what's needed when your question does arise.You sound as if you are trying to understand and I'm happy that you are,I wish you well in your further understanding,and hope that you get plenty of replies far wiser than mine are.