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how to balance the needs of older sibs
Mon, 12/06/2004 - 07:00My son has been having seizures since birth, but at 10 months has finally got a diagnosis of epilepsy -- complex partial seizures. He has several medical issues and is currently being followed by 5 different specialists. The past 10 months have been a whirlwind of medical appointments and hospital admissions. My 5 year old actually refers to part of this time as "the time when she didn't have a mother" because I stayed while the baby was in-patient for up to 5 days on several occaisions.
Here's the problem I'm facing now: My older children are burned out on the constant medical appointments (sometimes 4 days in a week). I haven't been able to consistently homeschool and they resent not having their lessons. Yesterday, my 3yo refused to get dressed or eat breakfast in hopes this would exempt her from having to attend the day's medical appointment.
My question: How do I explain to them their brother's medical situation in an age-appropriate way that doesn't frighten them? How do I balance their needs so that I'm not neglecting anyone? I'm afraid to make any promises because so many factors are outside of my control that I fear I would disappoint them even more if I promised a rewaqrd that I couldn't deliver.
I know I'm not the first or only mom with this challenge. I'm hoping to hear from some of you who have successfully tackled this one.
Thanks
Comments
RE: how to balance the needs of older sibs
Submitted by Belinda on Thu, 2004-12-02 - 13:31
RE: how to balance the needs of older sibs
Submitted by SSSMom on Sun, 2004-12-05 - 22:14
Thanks for your responses. I especially appreciate your sharing your personal experiences, Belinda. What you experienced is exactly what I want to avoid for my family. It underscores my need to teach the older children compassion. Twenty years from now, I want them to have functional relationships and be able to count on each other for support -- not resent one another.
I don't feel guilty about homeschooling. Both of the older children are ahead of where they need to be. The balance that I'm looking for is for them to know that whatever effort one family member puts into another is worthwhile -- not robbery.
This is really a character issue for me to work on with my children, not a time management issue for me. Thanks for helping me realize this.
Thanks for your responses. I especially appreciate your sharing your personal experiences, Belinda. What you experienced is exactly what I want to avoid for my family. It underscores my need to teach the older children compassion. Twenty years from now, I want them to have functional relationships and be able to count on each other for support -- not resent one another.
I don't feel guilty about homeschooling. Both of the older children are ahead of where they need to be. The balance that I'm looking for is for them to know that whatever effort one family member puts into another is worthwhile -- not robbery.
This is really a character issue for me to work on with my children, not a time management issue for me. Thanks for helping me realize this.
RE: how to balance the needs of older sibs
Submitted by e_nuffofthis on Wed, 2004-12-01 - 18:41
I really admire you for homeschooling, I do think it is great if you are able to do it. I thought if I had to do it all over again I would have, but after mine has been home for awhile and I attempted it this summer, I realize it's something I feel I could not do consistently. I think the best way to accomplish it is if you are able to get together with other home schooled kids and take trips and really make the most out of it. I don't beat myself up about it because at the elementary school level, they really do get a great deal here, there is so many extras; so many wonderful teachers. It's certainly not like when I went to school, the teachers are young and the kids love them. There is just so much to balance when you have a child that needs special attention and I know that by sending your kids off to regular school is not spending more time with them, but less. But the other aspect is that you are able to get what you need done and then concentrate on them when they get home. I also take at least a couple days out of the month and have my husband watch my son w/e and take my dd to the movies or shopping and just have that special time alone with her. It's so hard to find that balance, and I still struggle with it, but I think I would lose my mind if they didn't go to school. You have to think about you too and you need that 'alone' time or you are going to burn yourself out.