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feeling really stupid
Tue, 07/06/2004 - 17:54Topic: Family & Friends
Hi everybody,It has been awhile sence I posted or have even been to the group to read other posts. I am just wondering if anybody else feels the way I do. My problem is that I cannot remeber alot of things. I am scared to drive anywhere because I get lost, going to see my mom is a task three times now I tried to meet her for lunch with my kids and I knew when I left the house where I was going but once on the road I found myself lost and confussed I have had this problem for years but thought most people did this Because before it was more like when you say to yourself how did I get here or I don't remember passing something up. It's like when you drove the same place everyday and it seems like you made it there without actally doing the drive. (Trying to eplaine the best I can). Also I say things out of context. I know what I want to say but something else comes out and most often I feel really stupid after words because people are looking at my like I am crazy. Now my Dr. has lowered my dose of Topamax hoping this is the cause of the memory loss but it seems as if all is just getting worse. Is there anything I can do to change this. I had memory problems before my diagnosis back in September and it was always brought to my attention by family and friends, but I thought everybody forgets things. Now that it is getting worse I realize it and I don't know how to deal with it. Most days I just cry because I feel stupid and useless. I am 30 years old and want to go back to work and school but fear that I will just fail. Although I am going to start school in the fall because I want this so bad I am very scared.thank you for any advise,Cyndi
RE: feeling really stupid
Submitted by mexican_fire on Tue, 2004-07-06 - 17:54
Hi Cyndi~~Don't give up, hang in there, it can be a long and tetius ride. I have been there, and done that.Yes, Topamax is a HUGE cause for memory loss, because that is one it's most notorius side effects other than the speech and thought impairments.I took it, and it only lasted 6 months, before I had had enough.I was also taking taking Tegretol XR 800 mgs, and Neurontin 3600 mgs, as well.Seizures can also have a major impact on your memory, depending on where they are and what they are.Grand Mal is one seizure type that can destroy memory over time--IF you have enough of them, and they are fairly severe, and so are the partial seizures that take place in the Temporal Lobe that controls memory.I have memory impairment from my Complex Seizures, because they are in the lobe that holds the mechanisms for memory. You'd be amazed at the things I can forget. I write down in a notebook, what I am supposed to do for each day, and then leave it on my dresser. It works quite well.So, your memory problems that you had before your actual diagnoses could have easily been caused by seizure activity that wasn't medicated properly, in the right time frame, or even at all, and then to give you that Topamax at the doses you are taking, only adds insult to injury.As for the increase in seizures, you may need to have another drug added in combination with the Topamax to increase its effectiveness, and then decrease it to get off it, if it is still bothering you at a low dose.There are other excellent drugs out there for partial seizures, that are new, and old.I, too am 30 years old, but will turn 31 on the 12th.They think I have had epilepsy most of my life. I have probably had it since I was about 4 or 5 years old. I had Absense seizures in school all the time, clear through late high school, and then it went into remission, and something happened where it came back again, and I have had it for years now.I have a mixed seizure pattern. I have Grand Mal, Myoclonic, Simple and Partial seizures.My diagnoses was TLE in association with other seizure types.I had to go through one neuro who gave the actual diagnoses, and said epilepsy, and my seizures were hard to control at first, and they added Neurontin to the Tegretol XR, and after two EEGs that were both abnormal during the hyperventilation part of it, he sent me to an epilepsy clinic downtown, and I had Topamax added after two visits, and that is when I realized it would be a LONG 6 months.Nasty side effects from a drug that interacted with BOTH of the other two, and made me miserable.They scheduled me for VEEG in the EMU this March 1st, and I was in there for EIGHT days, and had THREE seizures, all different.That is how they discovered the other types of seizures I had been having and didn't know it.When they released me, they only sent me home with the Neurontin, and then 2 weeks later added Depakote to it.I take the same 3600 mgs of Neurontin (the max amount), and 500 mgs of Depakote.I have a relatively low seizure threshold (meaning they are triggered easily), so sometimes I can be given low doses of certain drugs, and they work.However, I still have seizures on a regular basis, about 2 a month, sometimes way more depending on what I have done during the day, what I am currently doing, and what stressors or triggers, I managed to get snagged up in.Good luck,Nancy