I Feel Like I'm Losing My Mind & I'm sick of being sick

About 2 years I was at work and feel into a Gran Maul my first seizure ever, I had 4 more that week my life has fallen apart ever since. I am on my 3rd neurologist, I've had countless EEG even the 72 hour test they do when that hook up the EEG, take you off your meds, and videotape and record you. It took less the 48 hours and with all that they still dont know what triggered them then or now. 2 brain stem surgeries which I was told were not seizure related. I started on Lamectal it worked for less then a year when I started having these daydream like feelings that I couldn't shake all day, I found out those were auras they switched me to Trileptal for about a month It knocked me out and made me vomit although the 25 pounds I lost that month was o.k.(smile). Then to Keppra I was told by my doctor since my fiance at the time and I wanted kids and I made it clear I would take nothing that would jepordize that or possibly the child that my medication choices are limited. Needless to say no more fiance'. Im depressed, scared to be alone, scared to be around people, I have lost my job, Im starting to have scars in my mouth I've bitten my tougue, lips and inner cheek so much, my hand, arms and feet always fall asleep. My Keppra as been adjusted 5 times and about a month ago my seizure are back frequent again. I haven't told my Dr. yet because I dont want to deal with this anymore and I cant afford him anymore. I dont even recogonize myself anymore. This on top of life is too much. I cant sleep even when I'm exhausted, I barely eat, and no one understands or I dont explaining it well. I forget everything, lose everything, I dont trust my own feelings. What is the worst that can happen if I just dont do anything and just let this run its course Im just tired of trying to feel normal again and worse I'm having trouble remembering what that was. Im 32 years old and I'm sick of being sick