epilepsy and "rage episodes"

RE: RE: RE: epilepsy and "rage episodes"

Submitted by Gretchen on Thu, 2005-01-06 - 22:27

NANCY? thank you for posting that information! That was new to me, helpful and data I want to add to my storage banks. One of my 9 daughters has Bipolar II. She also has self mutillating OCD (currently controlled) and ADD. She no longer self mutilates. I know as bad as that sounds, and is? She could no more help it than I can stop sz'ing. My husband was diagnosed this year with Bipolar III. My daughter was diagnosed in her junior year in HS, she is now 24. Anyway we had a horrible time with all of her diagnoses finding medication for all these things that didn't intercat or even would work for her. This one incident INFURIATED me. After it happened we were told by a prescribing psychiatrist that a definitive test for Bipolar is a paradoxical reaction to Prozac. My daughter took ONE Prozac capsule? She became violent, she attacked me, like a wild lion. Talons out, biting, kicking and I had to wrestle her to the floor, call an ambulance for help, she was hospitalized for 3 days and THEN I'm told - well she definitely has bipolar because the Prozac trial with such a strong paradoxical reaction proved it. I was furious. To do that to a child? We weren't warned? I've always been one to look up anything that any of us put in any of our mouths. I hadn't read anything like that about Prozac, but I have since been told the same by other psychiatrists.NANCY - Can I ask you a big favor. I think this is VERY important. I'm trying to find your email address too again BTW. Could you post the difference between extreme anger and rage? There is a huge difference. But I don't have your knowledge and abilities to explain that and I think it important in this discussion. I will say this for my explanation anyway: extreme anger means I do know how I feel, I am aware of what I'm saying, I remember it afterwards. Anger for me is borne of something that has some sort of logical base. Rage? For me it's nonsensical. No one can rationalize with me and the best anyone can do for me, for themselves is to get clear away for me, for me and for them. I can't be rationalized with, talked down or anything close. Rage for me needs to sputter out with as little stimulus as possible.In the last couple of months? My husband has been on several medicines for Bipolar III? A tentative diagnosis. He has attacked me repeatedly, verbally in such a malicious way, yelling so loudly, he's had the sheriff called - twice and not by me, others who have heard and seen him and are afraid forme. I am always his target. No one at work, not neighbors, no one - but me. He went off all medications last week. He said he felt like he was going crackers and I thought, under my breath, he could have asked me. YES, he was definitely going crackers but so was I. When someone is yelling and yelling in my face, saying damaging things, and it's provoked easily and horribly painful things are said and then you're told or you find out it's because of medicines or mood disorder or epilepsy or whatever? But you've been the victim? I'm still raw I guess with open sores but my feeling was through these tirades - WHO CARES KNOCK IT OFF! On the other hand? I've had rage seizures diagnosed - and they are not pretty. More than once I have become violent. Now "rage seizures" have been renamed to me as - gelastic seizures and were caught on a VEEG as "seizure activity", possibly gelastic. My epileptologist told me this, and this may be for me specifically too. Whatever is my predominant emotion or perhaps state of mind when I have a gelastic sz, is the emotion that is displayed during the sz.Several years ago, almost 2 now, I was severely assaulted by two men. The assault lasted for 14 hours. 3 men are now in prison because of that and other crimes they committed. Besides just that event which left me injured, and starting in a sz BTW, I felt many people let me down. People who could have but didn't stop it. The Blind Public. I had excellent and immediate psychiatric care and without it I'm not sure how I would have faired but I'm doing well now and have at last gotten rid of the constant, never letting up simmering anger I had for well over a year. I felt I deserved that anger and it felt protecting too so I was reticent to give it up. And that's when I started having - rage sz's. My predominant emotion at that time was anger, rage.Description of one of my rage szs: I always had the same aura, very strong feelings of tunnel vision, ears went dead or a loud sound of air whooshing past them. Adrenaline charges, a feeling I was so light I might start floating. Interesting to me is that I was incredibly strong and athletic beyond my normal abilities. I've tried some of the things I did during rage sz's, when not in a sz, and couldn't do them. My rages were so strong that if i walked I can remember feeling like I was on springs, I bouonced with anger and rage. All of these memoriesin the middle of that sz too are vage, more lilke impressions coupled with descsriptions from others afterwards. The people I was around when I had one were really victims. I finally learned to recognize those strong auras, what they did to me and others and if I could get myself isolated, if peolpe LEFT ME ALONE? The storm would blow over eventually. Post ictally I'd be extremely exhausted. I had a pounding headache and slept profoundly for several hours. I had the shakes. I felt really rotten. Now? I don't have many gelastic sz's. I seem to get them in groupings but the last grouping I got was a sudden explosion of laughter, hilarious laughter following a drop. Over nothing. Nothing was funny yet I was splitting a gut. The aura wasn't as strong but was there and similar to when I had rage. I would have the feeling I was about to get hiccups, often did and I'd laugh and laugh at nothing and after awhile, even though laughter is infectious and those around me would start laughing too, often I'd be laughing while at the same time start to cry it was that miserable. I couldn't get it stopped. Those lasted about 5-20 minutes. The other morning after a CP? I was starting to recover and had a gelastic. I burst into huge sobbing, wracking sobbing and I had this bare little remnant memory later wondering why I was crying so hard. I asked my husband later if I told him. He said no, he tried to ask me what was wrong and I didn't talk, respond to him. I just barely remember this extreme sadness, wracking sobbing. I hope this now isn't going to start up in groupings but that occurred while he was having medication problems and was yelling at me constantly, frighteningly. I wonder if I had a gelastic and my prevailing mood was one of fear and sadness.I also know since I got epilepsy my moods swing. I don't think I'm nearly as aware of it as those around me because often I feel justified, so justified I don't see it as mood swings. I'm trying very hard right now, a goal I'm working very hard at, to be tuned into myself more. I'm sick of being emotionally unreliable at times. Three comments:1. When I was having "rage siezures" there were many serious negative things going on in my life and it's impossible to think that wasn't a contributor.2. I have received a "probable" diagnosis of gelastic seizures. I was told they are not well understood and usually seen in children. But so are drops and I'm a big dropper and an adult. My adult son is a dropper too. I do believe the rages, wraacking sobbing, uncontrollable laughter were seizures since they were caught on a VEEG and because of the auras and post ictals of all. 3. It is very hard to have epilepsy. Many AEDs screw around with your emotions or can. Many people with TLEs have mood disorders. Many things about epilepsy are not well understood. When my epilepsy became full blown there were a lot of ramifications that came out of it: I could no longer work and I loved my work, had just hit the apex of my career. I lost my home, my cars, my ability to drive, work, some I lived avoided me, I often felt sick, AED trials were misery. I was depressed. Epilepsy didn't just hit me either but all of my family in one way or another and that has produced ongoing guilt. Who could not have swinging moods with all of that going on?My point being there can be many reasons for mood swings, rages, damaging behaviors one person to another. I still think though if at all possible if, like in my case, I had damaging to others, sometimes myself rages? I was still responsible for them because I felt that miserably strong aura I'd get beforehand. I had to learn how to defuse them and did by isolating myself and asking people to respect that. No one could talk me out of them, talk me down. It made it worse. The BEST thing anyone could do - was leave me totally alone because any touch, any words, anything provoked my rage to escalate. And I hated it. That's not normally who I am.So my suggestion is this: no matter where rage, extreme anger is coming from and if it's directed at you? When someone is yelling, screaming at me all I hear is that anger. I remove myself from that person. I don't need to be a victim to someone's bipolar for instance anymore than they need to be a victim of my rages and I also found if people did let me isolate I didn't have all the guilt, grief, emotional clean up to do aferwards. Twas not fun for me - or anyone around me.It is embarassing for me to admit and state I have had periods of extreme rage, never experienced before my diagnosis. It's not nice for me to know that epilepsy is most likely the cause. Sometimes? during those times? I felt nearly possessed.