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Spew forth your hatred, your ash, your red hot lava

Greetings all, 

I have been perusing this site for many years as i've struggled with coming to terms with my epilepsy.  I finally, this morning, am breaking down and attempting to post a topic of discussion of my own.  I've noticed much comaraderie, good advice, and helping others on here which is commendable.

The funny thing is all of that also makes me mad. 


In addition, the doctors giving their advice to take medications, my co-workers discussing regular person life issues, and loved ones trying to take care of me ... pardon my french,  pute them!

You know what does bring me pleasure though?  Stories of people doing things to get themselves in trouble.  Also, doing bad things and getting away with them.  I like to remember a time before my epilepsy when that was me.  I was not a perfect person then and i do not pretend to portray myself as one now.

Anyone else have these feelings?  Of course without going counter to the goals of this great site, but do any of you have any stories of things you did "back in the day"  which may not have been exactly in line with the lives that Gandhi or Mother Teresa lived?


I still live a mother Teresa life now as I did when I was younger, however, I do have to say a few things which pollute my soul with anger. I hate the DMV and their draconian, outdated rules. I hate the stupid pills that my son has to take, I hate to limit what he likes to do, I hate that it has to be me the one to tells him he should not do this or that. Before we both dreamed about him going to college, but now I dread it, who will remind him to take his medication? Who is going to pluck him out of parties after 12 am? Who is going to help him ? Soon he will start driving and I will be worried all day. What would happen if he starts drinking in college like everyone else? Worry, worry, worry, I hate being worried all day, all the time and I hate the annoyed look on my sons face because he thinks I worry too much and have becomed an over protective nut. I hate being that over protective overly vigilant hawk, but what am I supposed to do?
... And while I am at it, I hate the government shutdown. Who is going to pay my mortgage now? Stupid politician playing chicken and a pissing contest.
Anyway, I am sorry if my answer is not what you were looking for, I just couldn't resist venting for a change. Now back to my Gandhi lifestyle. Thanks.

I too get mad at times. Mainly because of people wanting everything to be perfect. Many of those are people under the age og 35. In other words the generationX group who can not use common sense. The same group that can not walk or go anywhere without their NEW i-phones i-pads or other things that can get them their facebook tweets or e-mail.DO those people know what to do if the grids went down. They seem to know what should happen and they know the market is up so they think the economy is doing good. With all the things they have they need to google or bing recessions of the past and see where this country was 2-3 years after those recessions.They could also see what it took to get us out of them. Spending is not one of them.

KNowing what to do is one thing following rules set before me was another. Should I have gone to bars and clubs and gotten drunk while taking phenobarb dilantin and tegratol?

Many of us have done many things that we never should have done. Hell if I just used common sense I should have never gotten on a scaffold board 16-18 feeet off the ground. But  I did because I wanted people to see that someone with epilepsy could do carpentry better than most people. However I was smart enough to not drive.

So much for me being the goody goody

I do answer posts and do give answers to thingsI know and things I have been thru

Hi Ral,

What happened to the Subject of the title: "SPEW FORTH YOUR HATRED, YOUR ASH, YOUR RED HOT LAVA"???

For the subject title, take the opposite side of the works' cited & of the cast of characters and opposite side of the Limbic system:

I assign the cause of my mood swings of emotion based on the rapidity of the swings. Fast means the ictal of an epileptic seizure, less fast means peri-ictal of epileptic seizure, moderate speed of swing means migraine and/or AED side-effect, and slower rate of swing caused by the environment with, or without, inter-ictal influences.

I live in California, so because of the Draconian "5150" exploitation by many degenerate public officials & medical providers, I will cite the fictional characters Kirillov (4 annihilation) versus Myshkin (4 ecstatic) from the works of Dostoevsky for the epileptic based swings (all of his characters seem to somewhat involve aspects from his epilepsy).

Maybe a lighter differentiation of the epileptic versus environmental mood swing could be the differences between the movies "My Own Private Idaho" (orgasm/ecstatic/Falstaff/Hal) versus "Melancholia" (then, there's the long classic "The Anatomy of Melancholy" by Robert Burton, versus Shakespeare [Shakespeare's characters are often loaded with, and act upon, hate (and then some)].

Melancholia's "The Earth is Evil" depression somewhat goes with one interpretation of Kirillov's epilepsy providing modes of temptations with (self-)annihilation as an "eternal harmony":
(there's also the deja vu of the "Bean Count", and the orders to discard the bedamned Prize).

Pavlovian Conditioning by chance taught me "Limbic Tricks" to counter limbic limited depression with conditioned limbic hatred, and my school officials conditioned plenty of limbic hatred as a model useful with many of today's officials/providers as ready & nearly identical stimuli.

........Or, google "limbic hate", and remember that epilepsy can exploit it to wreck it through kindled pathways.


P.S.: Where's the line to be "in line with"? Is it the one reflected in the amazon book "THE MISSIONARY POSITION" description?: "With characteristic élan and rhetorical dexterity, Hitchens eviscerates the fawning cult of Teresa, recasting the Albanian missionary as a spurious, despotic, and megalomaniacal operative of the wealthy who long opposed measures to end poverty, and fraternized, for financial gain, with tyrants and white-collar criminals throughout the world."

Thank you all, i appreciate the replies.


Mereloaded - good to hear the caregiver's perspective and happy to hear  ( perhaps this line being more in line with Tadzio's diatribe :-) but couldn't resist   )that my topic may have allowed your great whale to spew its Jonah out!


Just_Joe - i can understand your feeling towards the next generation, but in keeping it real must confess towards relying more & more on technology myself now that many other options in life are more limited.  Interesting to hear about your drinking while on meds ... and i certainly have been guilty of that behavior sometimes as well.  The scaffolding though you have me on.  Definitely not smart but i must admit interesting to hear, thanks.


Tadzio - Where to start?  I think i need the Rosetta Stone to fully decipher your post.  That being said ... i like it!  I'm replying from work at the moment though and trying to make some sort of salivating like a dog thinking about the orgasm/ecstasy reference's regarding Pavlov ... or some lame 5150 Van Halen album reference are the best that i can immediately come up with, so i will spare you that and simply say thanks.

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