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Depression, Sleep and Epilepsy - To Drown The Monstrous I

Mon, 12/19/2011 - 09:45
A poem which attempts to describe the depression that so often goes hand in hand with epilepsy. To Drown The Monstrous I Free, but rarely registering, The land, the sky the sea, My world’s within; a maelstrom of misery. Replicated deep within each cell Redundant thought, contemplative hell I strive to die, I strive to weep To drown the monstrous I, in sleep. Within my selfish severed head, All friends are absent, and lovers dead. I’m lost to touch, my senses shed My mind consumed, by parasitic dread, I strive to die, I strive to weep To drown the monstrous I, in sleep.

Comments

Re: Depression, Sleep and Epilepsy - To Drown The Monstrous I

Submitted by vande_2004 on Mon, 2011-12-19 - 19:50

After undergoing my first surgery in the 80s and being seizure free for almost 3 years, the nightmare returned.  I not only call the seizures a nightmare, but every one of these seizures placed me in status epilepticus.  I began having nightmares where I've had one of those seizures, and I am now looking down on myself from above, just to see myself as a vegitable.  To this very day I still have that same nightmare.  The worst of the seizures placed me in status epilepticus for 10 hrs 12 minutes, only to go into another one lasting 2 hrs 32 minutes.  They told my parents then I would not fully recover.  It took a bit over a month, but I went back and laughed in their face.  Five years ago I was tested for surgery a second time.  This time the results did not place me on the regular waiting list.  I was placed on what they called the emergency list.  They compaired my complex seizure readings with that of a regular grand mal, and they were just as high.  My grand mal readings were higher than any of them had ever seen before, and have been used at neurological conferences.  The second surgery, along with a VNS, have brought the seizures down to short complex partials, but I still keep having that nightmare of looking down on a brain dead vegitable after having one.

Greg

After undergoing my first surgery in the 80s and being seizure free for almost 3 years, the nightmare returned.  I not only call the seizures a nightmare, but every one of these seizures placed me in status epilepticus.  I began having nightmares where I've had one of those seizures, and I am now looking down on myself from above, just to see myself as a vegitable.  To this very day I still have that same nightmare.  The worst of the seizures placed me in status epilepticus for 10 hrs 12 minutes, only to go into another one lasting 2 hrs 32 minutes.  They told my parents then I would not fully recover.  It took a bit over a month, but I went back and laughed in their face.  Five years ago I was tested for surgery a second time.  This time the results did not place me on the regular waiting list.  I was placed on what they called the emergency list.  They compaired my complex seizure readings with that of a regular grand mal, and they were just as high.  My grand mal readings were higher than any of them had ever seen before, and have been used at neurological conferences.  The second surgery, along with a VNS, have brought the seizures down to short complex partials, but I still keep having that nightmare of looking down on a brain dead vegitable after having one.

Greg

Re: Depression, Sleep and Epilepsy - To Drown The Monstrous I

Submitted by victoria.w on Tue, 2011-12-20 - 03:03

Hi Greg,

Wow - amazing and a testimony to the human spirit of endurance and the will to survive.  I hope your nightmares lessen and you keep laughing in the face of adversity.  Sweet dreams!  Less fear and nightmares....I am humbled. Thank you for sharing.

Best wishes, Victoria

Hi Greg,

Wow - amazing and a testimony to the human spirit of endurance and the will to survive.  I hope your nightmares lessen and you keep laughing in the face of adversity.  Sweet dreams!  Less fear and nightmares....I am humbled. Thank you for sharing.

Best wishes, Victoria

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