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bothell123

Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

Ok heres the deal, i'm 18 years old, in community college (also a high school senior, in a program that lets you take all your classes at the college level).
Within the last year I've been making new friends and wanting to go out more, used to be the shy type who would stay at home on the weekends.
I also have a boyfriend now of 4 months who I met at school, and we love going out together and staying out late.
I don't drink or do drugs or anything but ever since I had seizure last year my mom is so overprotective and naggy..
When i'm out she constantly texts me, and wants me to be home by 10 on weeknights, EVEN though I don't have school the next day or have night classes so I don't even have to get up early.
And on weekends I have a midnight curfew, IM SICK OF IT. Whenever i argue shes like well u have a history of seizures it drives me crazy.
Shes gives me twin brother way much more freedom, she doesn't even care he smokes pot and drinks, (he doesn't do it excessively just on social occasions every couple weeks, and he gets good grades like me).

Whenever I try to do more she brings up the seizures and stuff and it's seriously making me depressed, I just wanna go out and have fun with my friends and boyfriend, and be at my boyfriends later. I get good grades in school, am gonna major in psychology, and have been applying for jobs like crazy.
My brother is going out of state for college, and i am thinking of doing the same just to get away from them.

any advice or anyone going through th same thing??

Comments

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

Honestly my advice would be 2 things. First of all, give your parents some slack because at least they want to take care of you. My parents thought I was crazy for years and hardly ever call me to see if I'm ok. I've had to face all my seizures alone, so try and appreciate that they care so much.

 However, you are 18 and need to make your own rules for your life. You can never learn to take care of yourself if you don't get the freedom to. My advice would be to move out of your city for college. Just make sure before you leave you talk to your doctor about things to watch out for to avoid seizures. Be smart about it. I wish you th

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

I agree with both comments so far. I know at 18 I hated hearing things like this, but in the end, it may be for the best. I'm 27 now, a mother, working two jobs, one is my own business, and happily married. My brother, only a year younger than me, but was given all the freedoms one could want, it living with my parents, working one job as a busser, even though he's a college graduate, and really unable to behave like an adult.

 

My parents were very strict with me, partly because they thought I was irresponsible. I have Abscence seizures and Partial Complex seizure, so they were often hard to see. It looked like I was ignoring my responsibilties in favor of daydreaming. Your parents recognize that you have seizures, rather than denying it and saying you're crazy. See it as a blessing.

 

And yes, sit down and calmly speak to your mother about how you feel. Mention that as you are an adult, and would one day like to be an independant adult, what would you have to do to prove to her that some you are capable. I wouldn't fight her on the 10 pm curfew on weeknights though. Hell, at 27, I'm never out that late.

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

I have to say a 10pm curfew on weeknights and midnight curfew on weekends sounds fair. I'm in my mid twenties, living on my own in university and when I went home for the summer, I still made sure I came home by midnight. My parents never said I had to, but I think it's polite, and I know they appreciate it.

Your parents just want you to be safe. Fair enough, you want autonomy as you're 18 (and eventhough you're taking classes at the college level, you're still in high school). But to say they're controlling is not so...nice. My parents gave my brother much more freedom too, but I can see the wisdom in it.

You want more autonomy in your life? Handle it like an adult. Politely request to sit down for a consultation when eveyrbody's in a good mood and listen to your parents' side too. Arguing does not make you look like an adult. SHOW them you're an adult. 'Freedom' has to be earned.

I know you weren't hoping to hear any of this. But at least, you have someone who cares enough to watch your back and be the 'mean person who won't let you have fun'. Talk to them, and come to a compromise. They'll appreciate it. And you will too.

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

I can agree with this post. I advise you to sit down with your parents and have a "business discussion." That's what we call them in my family. My parents were very controlling, so I get that. They chose the college I went to, chose my high school extracurricular activities, and what I majored in in college (they were paying for it, and they only would pay for a certain degree). I really resented it at the time, and years later I see that they were so scared they thought they "had to decide" for me. I wished that I had sat them down and talked about it back then rather than doing what I did which was rebel. I acted out like a child, and they treated me more and more like a child.

Now, I'm not saying that's what you are doing. I guess I'm just advising you against complete rebellion. Complete rebellion made my seizures worse, not better. It also made my parents even more attentive. But if I had sat down with them, we might've been able to make some compromises that would've worked. Same thing could work for you: they could extend your curfews and quit texting you constantly. In return, you promise not to go out drinking (HIGHLY suggest you resist the temptation to drink!!!), you continue to adhere to your doctor's recommendations, and you will keep up the good work in school. And you will communicate to them any change in seizure control.

Give it a try! You might be surprised how effective it could be.

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

My daughter is 20 and lives and works in another province. She puts in 12-17 hours a day and works outside. She makes damn good money.

Because she is by herself, she has to buy her own food, make her own meals, do her own cleaning and laundry, take out her own garbage,run her own errands, pay her own bills and budget...you get the idea. Many days after work she is too tired or sore to want to go out.

Her friends who still live at home figure she is "lucky" and if they lived on their own, they'd be out late every night, enjoying themselves. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

hey i am trying to work and i work my ass of in school, im not just messing around. I work hours all week on college classes and on the weekends i think its fair i get some time to go out and have fun.

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

and i dont want to go out every night, just on the weekends.

the fact is my parents give my brother more freedom because he doesnt have a seizure history, I HAD ONE SEIZURE 4 MONTHS AGO, not like im getting them every day so shes totally overprotective.

Re: Sick of controlling and overprotective parents HELLLLP ME

Hi Bothell123,

When a person has any tendency of the epilepsies, it is even more important to follow the rule to the strickest letter, of not going anywhere near any water, until you have thoroughly developed a complete skill-set of swimming.

The same logic must be followed in order to prevent social dangers with epilepsy, as well developed social skills, and especially the meet-and-deal skills of modern business, should be developed before any attempt what-so-over of any practice.

The narrow limits between "all-or-nothing" rules and consequences must be maintained, and are usually posted, or available in a convenient booklet, or available with open-discussion. I wish I had my pamphlet from a socially responsible "workfare" rooming establishment associated with The People's Temple and the "director" Reverend Jim Jones in the San Francisco Bay Area, as hindsight makes those rules and practices most curious. Much of the logic involved was greatly "flawed". Many of my jobs were in the night, into the morning, so any accepted curfew would have meant earlier near total unemployment.

Tadzio