UPDATE: I have had no seizures since I wrote this post. 07/02/2011
The last time I wrote on this forum was a very long time ago. I was always going on about how ayurved and pranayama (breathing technique) could help in curing and relieving epilepsy.
I have temporal lobe epilepsy, simple partial seizures. During these seizures I would feel like im remembering or re-dreaming a dream that I had forgotten I had the night or a few nights before. My whole perception would change to a dreamlike depressing world where you feel like the only one who exists. There would always be an 'entity' warning me this would happen (during the seizure), and its always saying the same thing, I always forget what the words are though, or if I do remember its something like 'your losing connections, get out, remember this, remember what its like, the blue balloon.' At the time though it makes complete sense. As soon as this happens, my heart starts beating really fast, I feel weak and drained and I can smell a blood/metallic scent. I get really nauseous, I forget where I am and what I was doing (takes about 10 minutes to shake this off) and sometimes I start sweating. The seizure is so intense its unimaginable unless you have experianced it. They are so depressing. At first when I got them, I was more intrigued by them, they fascinated me. The more seizure's I had the more I lost touch with reality. I didnt feel real, nothing felt real. I almost resorted to hurting myself just to feel again, but then came accross ayurveda, which I will explain later. I also got noturnal seizures which would wake me up. I would experiance the same things I have already tried to describe. However sometimes I would different seizures during the night. I would wake up, and feel like the room is expanding MILLIONS of times it size, while I shrink to the size of an atom. Then the room would shrink to the size of an atom and I would expand to the size of the universe. Kind of like in the rhythm of a heartbeat. It was torture. My perception of time and space would change, its hard to describe. Things far away would feel like theyre really close, as if your zooming in. A weird way to describe it (if you play COD lol) is like looking through a sniper rifle, then out again, repeatedly really fast for hours. It was torture but there no way to escape it. If you go to sleep you get another seizure, if you stay awake you have to deal with these disturbing perceptions of reality. I would describe as torture to the mind. I couldn't wish this on anybody, not even my worst enemy.
Once these seizures finished, I would feel odd for a few days to come, and then I would feel completely normal again. But then as soon as I'm happy again, guess what, another fucking seizure. I lived in fear of having seizures, I prayed to God to stop them, I questioned reality, my memory was like a goldfish, I would talk sometimes but my words would sometimes become jumbled and I would look stupid as If i was high or something. It made me paranoid and anti-social because I didnt want to look odd. I remember for a particular time I would hold all my emotions in (at this point I havent told anyone about what I'm experiancing) until I got home, then I would get in the shower, start the hot water, get down on my knees, start crying from and pray and beg from the bottom of my soul for a higher power to help me. I would be so emotional that even 1 hour later my whole body would be shaking. I didnt tell my parents anything as I didnt want them to know what I was going through and upset them. It made me happy knowing that they didnt know what I was experiancing and them thinking I was a normal happy person. I didnt even know what happiness was, I had forgotten, the new meaning of happiness for me was 'a lack of sadness'. OK enough about the depressing rant, Ill start getting to the good news which I think could help everyone.
Ok so about 5-6 months ago I was watching something on zee tv, some Indian channel (Im 20, from and born in the UK but am Indian, of Gujarati descent). Some guy was claiming to be able to heal and relieve hernias, kidney problems, diabeties, infertility, and basically everything. I was watching him for a few hours just prescribing different home remedies and treatments for particular problems. I then looked him up, read up his life story etc, and read somewhere that ayurveda worked very well on people with epilepsy. I youtubed him (dr.pankaj naram) and epilepsy etc and only managed to find one story regarding him and epilepsy, and it was claiming these herbs and prescribed diet cured her son of epilepsy. Apparently some bodies are more sensitive to other foods which build up as toxins in the body and cause havoc etc etc.
Oh by the way by this time I knew I had epilepsy, but I didnt want to be officialy diagnosed with it or be put on meds as I was guessing they would mess me up (only thought this from movies about depressed people on meds, not wanting to take them anymore as the meds dampen their personality etc). Yes this was stupid, but in the end it did pay off. Also by this time I did kind of believe that these medicines eg keppra were just dealing with stopping the effects of epilepisy, not the ROOT CAUSE of the problem, which ayurveda treatment claimed to do, get to the source of the problem and remove it.
Ok, cutting to the chase now. I went to see Dr Smita Naram, I was lucky to get a slot with her as she and her staff were only in London for a few more days and wouldnt be back for another 6 months. When I saw her, we did all the usual meet n greet etc, then she asked for my wrist. She pulse read me and I was hoping she would say everything that was wrong with me (they pulse read you and see whats going on in your body - dont really know how, its called ayurveda pulse reading though). I was hoping she would saying you have epilepsy. Instead she said there was something wrong with my mind, I have difficulty concentrating on anything, you skin problems and hair falling (I do slightly but its not noticable unless you stare at my hair from 10 cm away). I then told her what I had and she started nodding, and saying her son had exactly what I had and that she was going to heal me, and that my hallucinations and seizures would stop after 1 1/2 years of taking the herbs she would make me buy (yes I know this sound dodgy) and by following the diet she has given me.
Ok, so fast foward a few days later. I get the herbs on a discount (I explained that im a student etc) and im starting to take them. For the first 2-3 days my chest and ears went bright red and I had dry skin all around my ears. This redness and dry skin was gone by the 2nd week. I started doing pranayama as well (anulom vilom, kaphal bhatti, meditation). I was still living in fear of having a seizure, but I didnt get another one, I got close to one once-- some weird vibe before you get a dejavu. Life was getting good and about 1 1/2 months later I feel almost back to normal, constant fatigue was gone, de-personalization and de-realization gone etc. I felt strong again physically and emotionally, and I was actually laughing again. The process was slow, you dont really realize the change to 'reality' but you do realize that your not having the seizure almost a few weeks later. Anyways, so yeah, life was good. Unfortunately I had to resit my exams (1st year university), as I did no work, I couldnt, even if I looked at my books my mind would be in another place, I couldnt concentrate and I would be constantly contemplating the meaning of life. Why am I here, whats the points, is there even a reason, maybe death is more peaceful. It was like trying to study while your mind is being tortured by unwelcome thoughts that you cannot control. Well yeah, so I had to resit my exams, and I just passed. It had been about 2 1/2 months since I had been using the herbs.
However, as I had no money, I was using 1 months supply of herbs and spreading them out over these 2-3 months. I thought it was Ok, I wasnt taking it seriously. I was normal again, I felt like I was invincible from these seizures, I had even forgotten what they were like. So I went to my exam resits and I did really well in all of them. I had 2 more. 1 I knew i would fail and the other I HAD to pass otherwise I would fail the year. So I went to my law exam, everything basically depended on me passing this. I had the ability to pass but I knew I would have to concentrate hard. ....But then guess what, out of the blue I get an intense seizure. I forgot where I was, what I was doing, and I felt like I needed to stop what I was doing and RUN out of this godforsaken evil room. Well I didnt but I drooped on my desk out of fatigue and crazy dejavu and sweating and zoned out. I was so nauseous. It took me a full 20 minutes to recover and start writing again. Its weird to explain, but you cant just get back to what your doing after a seizure, you need a 'recovery period' where you sort yourself out again.
Anyway, so I'm back to square one and im constantly having seizures again, and ive run out of herbs and im not following the prescribed diet (I didnt fully anyway, but I stayed away from certain foods) and I have no money. I can't ask my parents for money as they dont know about what im going through, im not going to ask friends or anyone else as they dont know either. At this point I feel suicidal, but I know theres hope. Its just so hard to hope when dealing with this, your whole reality changes, as if your really stoned 24/7 but with only the bad effects.
After your consultation with Smita Naram you see another ayurved person. This ayurved specialist pulse read me too and well I basically told her what was happening and what I was going through (this is the day I met Smita Naram, yea I know its confusing I'm going back to this). Well she was quite worried for me to say the least and gave me her contact details for when I need someone to talk to.
So, from remembering this, on the way back home from university (2 hour train journey) I text her and tell her my situation. She calls me a few days later and basically says she will try resolve this issue and talk to the head of adminstration or something. I get an email another few days later and she tells me that the company will give me 2 months worth of these herbs. But to take 'full ownership' of these herbs I should give some money to a charity of my choice (make a wish foundation), but that I have no real obligation too. This gesture really touched me, knowing that some people actually care unlike doctors who probably just think of you as part of their 'job' or work. This felt like I was being treated with care and they were truly 'inspired' in what they were doing, they actually wanted to HELP me, not just take my money.
So, I start taking them again, I still got seizures for a few days after taking them but they gradually got less frequent and strong, and they stopped. I also took the correct dosage everyday (as no money issues anymore) and I practice pranayam and stopped eating certain foods for e.g microwaved and oily food.
I was back to normal, and gradually with time got happy. It's weird how when your having these seizures you would do anything to be normal, to have a break from the shit that goes on. Being normal is like heaven when you have temporal lobe epilepsy. But then when you ARE back to normal, you take it for granted. I took it for granted and forgot about all those people who were suffering. I still feel ashamed that I did this, I should've been trying to help other people and 'show them the light'. Thats why im writing this to be honest, so people can try ayurved.
Anyway so yeah, im back to normal, and like usual with me, I start partying and living as if nothing happend. University started again, I start drinking again, smoking weed again (had a 3-4month break from them, was meant to quit, I didnt need alcohol or drugs), was eating bad foods, and I've picked up a bad sleeping habit (sleep at 3am wake up at like 1pm). At this point I'm still taking the herbs, but im not following anything else, not doing pranayam or anything etc. I was smoking weed everyday, I loved getting stoned, I felt like I was in Union with God, as if he was talking to me through everything I saw.
So, I keep this up for some time, until today, I get another seizure. I know this is to do with my shameful lifestyle and the weed. I forgot what it was like to have a seizure, how emotionally painful they are, the reality and evil lonely perception it puts you in.
I've decided never to touch alcohol or any drug again. I was basically free from seizures for 2-3 months, I didnt think I would ever get another one again, and I NEVER want to experiance another seizure, its just not worth it.
But yeah, I really think everyone should try these herbs. Dr Naram was saying after 1 and a half to 2 years, I could stop the herbs and I would be completely normal. The herbs I am taking are flushing out the root cause of the problems in my body, not just dealing with the effects of the cause (like in my opinion western drugs).
I have complete faith in these herbs, ayurveda, pranayama and my diet.
I've written this post just to make everyone aware about ayurveda. Even though my results are not amazing, that is NOT due to the herbs or ayurved, it is due to my ignorance and not following what I have been told to do.
I want to help everyone suffering from epilepsy. LOOK UP AYURVEDA, DR PANKAJ NARAM and PRANAYAMA. I can send anyone the pranyama techniques, just email me, theyre pictured descriptions on what to do which are really helpful. The text in it does say do not practice the technique while pregnant or epileptic, but there is alot of controversy regarding this (regarding epilepsy not being pregnant).
I hoped I've helped at least one person. And I will update you guys in 4-5 months on how I'm doing .This time I'm going to follow everything taught to me with inspiration, thankfulness and full dedication.
Email me if you have anymore questions, but google all this stuff up first! Its more informative than me!
Im too tired to read through everything I have just written, sorry if It makes no sense!