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Sick: Sick of seizures, sick of my life

Tue, 08/17/2010 - 04:49
I don't know how much longer I can tolerate this. My body is telling me it wants to give up. My mind doesn't know what to do anymore.

Comments

Re: Sick: Sick of seizures, sick of my life

Submitted by wichitarick1 on Tue, 2010-08-17 - 14:48

peace R.C.   HEY! Michael  remember no angry outbursts BEFORE heart surgery!

The seizures seem to be aggravated about that also ! 

I "FEEL" that bathroom ,also spent years remodeling my bathroom in beautiful porcelain, little tiles ,then got into a funny habit of awaking before my final r.e.m. cycle and sitting on a toilet and going into a panic state then a full 20-30 min gran-mal LOL !  My former spouse started locking the door at night lol so I would walk into the huge ,solid, handmade oak door repeatedly until they awoke LOL ALWAYS  hurting myself on the door BUT never seriously in the bathroom ???  Hindsight ,I should have spent that time "padding" that bathroom not learning tile laying and making lol  SO-LUCKY- BTW I worked every day after those episodes ,whether I was cut,bruised or sore or confused? TUFF or STUPID you decide!

I "FEEL" you  screaming and in fact because of the E-weirdness I "FEEL" it in purple and pink LOL but no joke!

You should know by now that those doc's are not going to let you go into sz. during that surgery , right? if not ask someone! 

Where do I take this ? I could go on and on about all the bad things life has thrown at me and how until recently I accepted them with a smile and always to seem to bounce back with an even bigger smile !

I am really poor at accepting  and facing my issues AND FORGETTING my problems at the moment AND I have no idea WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ! BUT I HAVE NOT JUST GIVEN UP! and have no intentions on doing that either WHY? Because then some silly issue like some electrical problems in my brain or something they call ???depression has BEAT ME! before I even figured it out! cheap shot -I like to think I am SMARTER THAN THAT!

WHERE ELSE? Could go on and on with all the bar stories I have about the several 100 stitches I have in my body,head AND how they got there and even how my first gran-mals started LOL that one is scary. Do I end up sounding like a tuff-guy? a survivor? OR A BIG IDIOT? YOU DECIDE?

You have managed to think your way from the northern cold to what you described as the beauty of Japan doing a job you like because you like it . Your screaming now because you are frustrated by your body ,not by any real decisions or fault of your own ,RIGHT! Then why give up over a few simple issues like this !

I had a chat the other night with 3 females under the age of 24 and figured out between the 3 they were each missing a 1/2 a brain and took about 5,000 mgs of pills A DAY! WOW so only a brain AND HALF and enough pills to kill a street addict and they were all still having seizures!!!! WOW !

That made that next 24 hrs of constant freak show -AURA I have been living lately seem pretty MILD ! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN - you decide????

Could go on and on rather with the the really good things I have managed to obtain in my life even though I started with nothing and have nothing now I was happy about it. I have no perfect answers but I do understand how simple it all is ! TRUE ashes to ashes -dust to dust for me! our legacy is not much more than the room on our headstones and OUR CHILDREN ! K.I.S.S. principles apply here.

I also believe I told you that I would hold your hand before,during and after that surgery or even through the next seizures you have ,RIGHT! That was and is true and about all I have !

Well actually we would make you something like a homemade card some banana bread and hang out and let you do what ever you needed to do for as long as it took to feel a little less frustrated ! Even though I am a bit frustrated myself ! ME and my DAUGHTER would do that just ? because! and to prove there are still a lot of good ,real folks left on the planet is why I guess lol. 

I am at a cross roads in life myself but will go on and try to keep it straight and simple why? I have no idea right now actually ?maybe for the same reasons I did all the radical things I used to do ,just to be different or to prove them wrong! I guess?

But my own bit of confusion and frustration right now will go on hold WHY? 

Because I AM BUSY HOLDING YOUR HAND - brother-sir-Michael- and as long as we BOTH do not have a T.C. sz. at the same time WE should be O.K.  RIGHT -YOU DECIDE and keep on screaming and acting fidgety if you need to BUT remember that all that frustration causes seizures and heart problems.  Keep it up . Rick Wichita Kansas 

 

 

 

 

peace R.C.   HEY! Michael  remember no angry outbursts BEFORE heart surgery!

The seizures seem to be aggravated about that also ! 

I "FEEL" that bathroom ,also spent years remodeling my bathroom in beautiful porcelain, little tiles ,then got into a funny habit of awaking before my final r.e.m. cycle and sitting on a toilet and going into a panic state then a full 20-30 min gran-mal LOL !  My former spouse started locking the door at night lol so I would walk into the huge ,solid, handmade oak door repeatedly until they awoke LOL ALWAYS  hurting myself on the door BUT never seriously in the bathroom ???  Hindsight ,I should have spent that time "padding" that bathroom not learning tile laying and making lol  SO-LUCKY- BTW I worked every day after those episodes ,whether I was cut,bruised or sore or confused? TUFF or STUPID you decide!

I "FEEL" you  screaming and in fact because of the E-weirdness I "FEEL" it in purple and pink LOL but no joke!

You should know by now that those doc's are not going to let you go into sz. during that surgery , right? if not ask someone! 

Where do I take this ? I could go on and on about all the bad things life has thrown at me and how until recently I accepted them with a smile and always to seem to bounce back with an even bigger smile !

I am really poor at accepting  and facing my issues AND FORGETTING my problems at the moment AND I have no idea WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ! BUT I HAVE NOT JUST GIVEN UP! and have no intentions on doing that either WHY? Because then some silly issue like some electrical problems in my brain or something they call ???depression has BEAT ME! before I even figured it out! cheap shot -I like to think I am SMARTER THAN THAT!

WHERE ELSE? Could go on and on with all the bar stories I have about the several 100 stitches I have in my body,head AND how they got there and even how my first gran-mals started LOL that one is scary. Do I end up sounding like a tuff-guy? a survivor? OR A BIG IDIOT? YOU DECIDE?

You have managed to think your way from the northern cold to what you described as the beauty of Japan doing a job you like because you like it . Your screaming now because you are frustrated by your body ,not by any real decisions or fault of your own ,RIGHT! Then why give up over a few simple issues like this !

I had a chat the other night with 3 females under the age of 24 and figured out between the 3 they were each missing a 1/2 a brain and took about 5,000 mgs of pills A DAY! WOW so only a brain AND HALF and enough pills to kill a street addict and they were all still having seizures!!!! WOW !

That made that next 24 hrs of constant freak show -AURA I have been living lately seem pretty MILD ! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN - you decide????

Could go on and on rather with the the really good things I have managed to obtain in my life even though I started with nothing and have nothing now I was happy about it. I have no perfect answers but I do understand how simple it all is ! TRUE ashes to ashes -dust to dust for me! our legacy is not much more than the room on our headstones and OUR CHILDREN ! K.I.S.S. principles apply here.

I also believe I told you that I would hold your hand before,during and after that surgery or even through the next seizures you have ,RIGHT! That was and is true and about all I have !

Well actually we would make you something like a homemade card some banana bread and hang out and let you do what ever you needed to do for as long as it took to feel a little less frustrated ! Even though I am a bit frustrated myself ! ME and my DAUGHTER would do that just ? because! and to prove there are still a lot of good ,real folks left on the planet is why I guess lol. 

I am at a cross roads in life myself but will go on and try to keep it straight and simple why? I have no idea right now actually ?maybe for the same reasons I did all the radical things I used to do ,just to be different or to prove them wrong! I guess?

But my own bit of confusion and frustration right now will go on hold WHY? 

Because I AM BUSY HOLDING YOUR HAND - brother-sir-Michael- and as long as we BOTH do not have a T.C. sz. at the same time WE should be O.K.  RIGHT -YOU DECIDE and keep on screaming and acting fidgety if you need to BUT remember that all that frustration causes seizures and heart problems.  Keep it up . Rick Wichita Kansas 

 

 

 

 

Re: Sick: Sick of seizures, sick of my life

Submitted by kyle123 on Tue, 2010-08-17 - 23:50
i there too i was just told i had epic and my specialist dosent know what kind yet. i spent 16 days in the the hospital with two of those days on life support cause i was having them one after another. i dont remeber anything when it happens i have to be told the stupid er doctors was calling them psuedo seizure when my parantes was telling them to call my doctor. im a excop and now my life is out of control now i have never had to depend on anyone i take 1000 mg of terotol and 100 mg of phenobarb a day and it has me all out of wack. i try talking to the great people on here it helps i do it every day. they know whats you feel like and for that matter me to i struggle dalily with it hit me up and i will listen to maybe we both can learn

Re: Sick: Sick of seizures, sick of my life

Submitted by MichaelK on Wed, 2010-08-18 - 09:40
I was taking 90 mg. of phenobarbital for nearly 9 years and ended up almost killing myself. Now I am taking a concoction of 3200 mg. different meds, including 800 mg. of Tegretol. If you were still a cop, you would arrest me! lol! We all need a little humor, no matter how bad my jokes are. Maybe if I was actually sane I would be able to do better. Seriously, thanks for your support. I try to hold on and talk to as many people as possible here. All of them help me a lot.

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