terrified to get pregnant

Hello,

My name is Linzy and I am 26 years old. I was diagnosed with Absence seizures when I was 23. I have been on a boat load of medications to control them and now I am on Lamictal which has done the best so far. I have been increased recently because of some breakthrough seizures. My husband and I have decided to have a baby and I am terrified for the health of the baby. My doctor told me that Lamictal can cause cleft lip, palate etc., to the fetus and that I cannot breast feed. I take 125mg of lamictal in the morning and at night. I have always dreamed of having children - healthy children. I would love my child no matter what but doesn't everyone want healthy children, free of defects? I have also always dreamed of breast feeding. I was pretty devastated when my doc told me that I wouldn't be able to breast feed my child. I want to be able to have that connection with my baby. I guess I am just hoping for some similar stories and to know that there are people out there who understand where I am coming from and how much of an impact seizures can put on your life even if they are just absence.

 UPDATE (May 5, 2011): I thought that I would update this thread :) I am happy to tell you all that I am the very proud mother of a happy, healthy and totally normal 9 month old son =) I got pregnant shortly after posting this thread and my whole pregnancy and delivery was completely normal, problem free and most important of all, seizure free!! Towards the end of my pregnancy I did accumulate too much amniotic fluid but it wasn't a worry at all and my water ended up just breaking on its own 2 days after my due date which kicked off 21 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing, to which I welcomed a very healthy 7lb 14oz baby boy (with the help of the vacuum because he was coming down at an angle and was a bit stuck!). He was pretty jaundice for a while because he ended up getting some of my blood during delivery but that went away within 2 weeks. He does have an undescended teste which is fairly normal in boys anyway and has nothing to do with the lamictal. He already had the first surgery to fix that and is doing awesome. I haven't had any seizures since before I got pregnant which is really awesome since I was having them fairly often. And which is even more amazing seeing as my soon to be ex-husband wanted a divorce right before we found out I was pregnant and wanted one even faster once we found out I was pregnant a week later. I ended up having to move 9 hours away back to my hometown while I was terribly sick with morning sickness. To go through all of that stress and not have a seizure is pretty awesome I think! I was really scared about birth defects and such when I was ttc but now I know how small of a chance those things are especially with lamictal and in the future if I find someone else to spend the rest of my life with I will have no fears about having more children. Thank you all for your support and for sharing your stories! I wish you all the best of luck!