I thought that I could deal with these. It's hard to ignore them and sometimes, it starts to get...boring. My photosensitive seizure, whether it's not really called that or is because you don't normally see that particular name under 'types of seizures' in any website. But for me it's getting worse. I've had epilepsy in the past when I was diagnosed at age six. I had absent petit mal and fibral or...whatever you call the fever one. I sometimes wish i had my absense one again although I've been getting pretty spacy lately. I've been even more tired no matter how long I sleep for. I have a hard time waking up in the morning but when I do sleep too long, I get aches and headaches. When I'm in my seizure, it's more like a brief second in each that I can remember. In the split half second between, I get irritated or...hysterical (not the freak out one but the laughter). But when I do have them, my head sort of twitches in small, quick jerks (out walking and I stop every few seconds to minutes and sort of go into a mid-upper torso convulsion) like rolling my shoulders and I'm sure about the rest but my eyes roll back. I tend to get more hyper and easily excited. My memory is nearly completely ruined. I was on Depakote all my life and the biggest shock of all was that my neurologist JUST told me about the $20 Depakene Syrup. Sounds nasty.
I guess I'm just not in any good luck. I feel as though I'm slowly melting. Halfway in a sentence and I take a brief few minutes to remember what I was going to say or what I was talking about. I even forgot what...seriously I just had a brief moment to actually type what I wanted to say...or type lol. You ask me why I say things unintentionally or laugh too much or just be completely random and say such unusual or disgusting things? I have literally no control what I'm going to say. It's easier said than done to just think before speaking. Why can't I just trade this for absense! I want to go walking, I want to sit by the window, and I certainly don't want to keep turning the stupid lights on because I can't see! It's not easy to deal with anymore! I get so tired of convulsing and forgetting things! My first and last interview (the same exact one too) and I couldn't solve the percentage of 8 over 100! I feel so brain dead it's not funny. I need a new neurologist and just...finally get some peace of mind.