WELL, UP UNTIL I ATE, I FELT 100 % BETTER......CRAP FOOD.........FROZED DINNER......HARD TO MANAGE THAT EVEN. MEDITATING HELPED. FUNNY THING.......WELL NOT REALLY, I CAN'T SIT UP TO MEDITATE ANYMORE. I CAN'T SIT UP TOO MUCH  OF THE TIME. LIVING ON SSI IS WELL, NOT EASY, BUT I HAVE ANGELS WHO HELP ME! STILL I GET MYSELF IN A MESS BECAUSE I STILL CAN'T DO MATH AND SPENT MORE THAN I  HAD THE RESOURCES TO EVER, EVER BUY. ANYWAY, BROKE IS MY PERMANENT STATUS. I WAS BROKE 2 DAYS AFTER I GOT THE SSI CHECK. HERE, I MUST ADMIT THAT I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A BIT OF A SNOB. IT'S A FAMILY THING. EVERYTHING I LIKE ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE THE MOST EXPENSIVE OUT THERE. DANG, THAT SUCKS.   THIS ISN'T ABOUT MONEY, IT IS ABOUT LIVING CONDITIONS. MY CUBBY IS CUTE IN A GENERIC SORT OF WAY. THERE IS ONE BIG PROBLEM.............I CAN HEAR MY NEIGHBOR CLEAR HIS THROAT, SNEEZE, ETC, ETC. .........EVEN THE NASTY..........I WONDER WHO NAMED IT THAT.........I TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH THAT NAME, SO, DO YOU HAVE THE PICTURE......NEXT TO ME, UP STAIRS, DOWNSTAIRS, THIS BUILDING IS LIKE A LITTLE MAZE...........A VERY LITTLE MAZE..I AM USED TO THE BANGING ON THE CEILING, THE KNOCKING ON WALLS, IN AN IRRITATED F OFF SORT OF WAY...........SO, I AM TRYING TO SLEEP ON MY BACK SO MY JAW DOESN'T HURT SO MUCH, AND MY NEIGHBOR, THE ONE WHO CLEARS HIS THROAT AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.....AND I AM THINKING......IS THIS HIS WAY OF TELLING ME TO BE QUIET? TURN OFF MY WHATEVER??? NO PRIVACY HERE AT ALL. GOOD THING I AM MAN-LESS.....OH BOO HOO. ANYWAY, HE SAYS TO ME ONE DAY 'YOU SNORE'! WELL, HE JUST ISN'T GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS BECAUSE HE NOT ONLY SNEEZES, CLEARS HIS THROAT, LEAVES EVERY NITE OR MORNING HOWEVER YOU WANT TO LOOK AT IT....AT 3 FLIPPIN A.M. TO WORK OUT AND GOES TO BED ABOUT 7P.M. , BUT EVERY TIME HE HAS EVEN ONE BEER, HE IS SNORING SO FLIPPIN LOUD HE COULD BE IN MY BEDROOM WITH ME.....NO THANK YOU! HE IS A REAL LIVE REDNECK!!!!! 

 I AM SCARED. I AM REALLY VERY SCARED. BUT I FAKE LIKE I'M NOT. COMIC RELIEF, THAT'S MY WAY OF HANDLING THINGS.....IT IS FUN.......I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. THE SPINAL TAP SCARES ME. I'VE HAD THEM SCREWED UP BEFORE AND HAD THOSE AWFUL SPINAL HEADACHES FOR  MORE THAN A YEAR. THEN THERE WAS THE CEREBRAL SPINAL FLUID NEVER ENDING LEAK AND THEY HAD NO CLUE HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THAT ON A NEURO POST-OP FLOOR.......SO MAN I GOT JERKED AROUND SO MUCH, I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE. I DO NOT EVER WANT TO GO THRU THAT AGAIN. AND EVEN IF MY NEUROSURGEON WHO DID THE SURGERIES SAYS I CAN HAVE AN MRI, IT HAS BEEN IMBEDDED IN MY BRAIN FOR SO MANY YEARS, I WOULDN'T LET THEM DO IT. MY PCP TOLD ME I  COULD NEVER HAVE AN MRI AGAIN. THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME. HE READ THE RECORDS FROM THE SURGERIES. HE WAS MY DOC FOR 13 YEARS.  MY CASE WORKER TOLD ME IF I DON'T FIND OUT FROM THE SURGEON, I AM NOT COMPLYING WITH THIS BRAIN/EAR NEUROS REQEUSTS. SO FLIPPIN WHAT. I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT NEUROSURGEON SINCE '92. HOW WOULD HE EVEN REMEMBER??? I ASK YOU THAT. IF I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, I WOULD JUST PREFER TO CONTINUE BELIEVING MY THYROID IS THE PROBLEM CAUSE MS DOESN'T MAKE YOU SWELL LIKE THE THYROID DOES. AND IF I HAVE MS, WELL, I WILL SIMPLY REFUSE TO HAVE IT. END OF DISCUSSION.

GOT MY FINGER ON THE TRIGGER

I DON'T KNOW WHO TO TRUST  

I LOOK INTO YOUR EYES

 THERE'S JUST DEVILS AND DUST 

WE'RE A LONG LONG WAY FROM HOME BOB,

HOMES A LONG LONG WAY FROM US

FEEL A DIRTY WIND BLOWIN

 DEVILS  AND DUST

I GOT GOD ON MY SIDE

I AM JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE

BUT IF WHAT YOU DO TO SURVIVE KILLS THE THINGS YOU LOVE

FEARS A POWERFUL THING

IT CAN TURN YOUR HEART BLACK YOU CAN TRUST

IT WILL TAKE A GOD-FILLED SOUL

'N FILL IT WITH DEVILS AND DUST.  

BRUCE SPRINGSTIEN  DEVILS AND DUST