So I haven't written on here in awhile because getting on the site and being able to do anything has been such a pain I log off when I get frustrated. Anyway...

Kaitlyn hasn't been doing well for awhile now and I am losing the ability to cope with it. We had to up her Topamax in hopes that her seizures will decrease and her behavior will improve. However her behavior has gotten worse with the increase and my patients are dwindling. I am awaiting for a response from her doctor now, hopefully we will come up with a solution to some of the behavior issues. I can't handle all of the yelling and anger from her. Not only am I tired of trying to deal with the behaviors, I mostly am just tired of seeing her so miserable and not like herself. She isn't an angry child... this isn't her. This isn't my daughter and I want Kaitlyn back to herself. Before all of this started she was happy, friendly and outgoing... now she is always upset, short tempered and doesn't like to be around a lot of people. I am just wanting my Kaitlyn back...

Other than all of the ups and downs with struggling trying to control her seizures we are also having to go back to St. Louis on the 21st for 5 days, to have a medication free VEEG. Medication free!! I am terrified. I don't know what to expect. We have never had a VEEG done without medications. What if the seizures we are seeing are mild because of her medicines so when we pull her off of her medications cold turkey she has horrible seizures like we've never seen before... I hate the idea of seeing her have worse seizures than what we have already seen before.. Or what if her Epilepsy is worse than what we already know... I can't take anymore bad news. It's time for some good news, for a break. It's just too much to handle.

To top it all off, when we go to St. Louis we can't all stay in one room like we did before. Chris and one of us will have to go to a hotel for the night for the whole week... that's incredibly expensive and I don't know how we will afford that. To have to pay for a hotel room for a week... I just want to have us all stay in the room together so we can all be there for one another. I don't want to have to be away from Kaitlyn or Chris during this time and I don't know what to do. We are just struggling right now with everything and then you add financial problems, it's almost too much to handle. I am debating going back to work part time to be able to afford everything but then I don't know how I will be able to maintain everything at home and also succeed in school. I just need a miracle. We need a miracle. Between Kaitlyn and Chris I feel like we are spending all of our money on doctor visits, medicine and now Chris' formula... Chris was put on a formula called Elecare because of his failure to thrive and it is so expensive... it runs like $86 a can, and a can lasts about 2 days. We only have one income and so many demands....