We got Kaitlyn's disability interview done yesterday. It wasn't as bad as what I thought it would be. The lady was impressed that I knew so many exact dates of things. What can I say, I have to know and remember everything otherwise it drives me nuts. Anyway, it's sort of a slap in the face back to reality when I am telling her everything about Kaitlyn, and then reading the fax that her doctor sent for the interview. Here is what it said:

To Whom It May Concern:

Kaitlyn is followed inthe Pediatric Epilepsy Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital. She is under my care for management of her refractory epilepsy which is a life long condition. Her prognosis is guarded. My office will provide records upon receipt of a signed parental consent to release information.

Sincerely....

So after I got the fax, I started looking up the terms and it was such an eye opener to see what exactly they thought of Kaitlyn's epilepsy and what it would mean. I have never asked before the hard questions, I've never asked what her life will be like, or if they think she will out grow it. I sort of felt like if I asked, I would jinx it. But I guess the reality of it, is what I have expected the whole time. That just proves me that motherly instinct is rarely wrong. From the beginning I always thought it was worse than the regular childhood Epilepsy where they grow out of it at such and such an age, but now I know for sure. The fax was sort of nice too, it made it so that my mom had to realize exactly what was what with Kaitlyn. Last night I asked her if she realized what it all meant and she said "Yeah, she won't grow out of it and is uncontrollable." So I know she knows, now if only I can get more support and comfort from her. Mostly just understanding would be nice.

After getting done with the disability interview it made me realize that she really is sick enough to need it, and that was sort of reminder of just how bad it really it is. It's like we could use the assistance but the fact that she can even qualify for it, it's the double edge sword. It probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it's just another thing that further proves that she isn't doing well.

I am really trying hard to appreciate all of the little things that we are blessed with on a daily basis. Her smiles and laughter, Chris talking finally and just the over all happiness that they bring to our lives. Granted, it's stressful considering the fact that they have so many health problems but I've realized that I can't dwell on the health stuff all of the time. I have to get over it all eventually and today is better than tomorrow. I am trying to remind myself that we have to live for today because tomorrow isn't promised. Just some days are harder than others to be positive.

Well I should get going, as I am wasting time on the computer. The kids have found my hiding place for all of the Christmas presents and Kaitlyn thinks "ho ho" which is Santa, has brought her some really nice babies and toys since she has just opened them all up! Goofy girl!

Take care all who read this! Happy holidays!