I got a letter from my neurologist yesterday, it read, in part:

"We presented your case formally for review in epilepsy meeting today. We all unanimously felt that should you breakthrough medications, you would be a reasonable candidate to proceed with epilepsy surgery in the future."

He also asked to keep both he and the neurosurgeon advised as to how I'm feeling. My neurosurgeon said the sclerosis was only on the left side at the time of my consult in September. A few weeks after that my neurologist said that there was a small chance of the scar tissue was on both sides, or bilateral. That startled me as I at least wanted the option for surgery open.

Three weeks ago I was at a dinner party hosted by a husband and wife who are great friends of mine. It was a small group and I sat across from a board-certified psychiatrist. Maybe I should have just stuck to sports talk because very quickly we were talking about epilepsy and not too long after that I felt like I was in his office. He is a very smart man and I suppose I might have done the same thing if I was sitting across from a German film camera. He didn't take me apart but he was not taking my subtle hints of "maybe-this-isn't-table-talk".

I wasn't too happy about it at the time and I've been able process what he said and simultaneously not take it morbidly serious. For instance, he said, "..the next seizure could kill you". While I appreciate the candor, there were still seven other people there.

This led me to read more about Sudden Unexpect Death in Epileptic Patients (SUDEP). This casual internet research really scared me and it was all I thought about the next day at work.

I think I've gotten past it but since the dinner party I've also thought more seriously about a short list of therapists my neuro at St. Elizabeth's gave me a few months ago.

Today's weather is cold and wet. I may go to the Regatta Bar for a show tonight with Scott, Margo and their visiting friend from New York. I also want to see the Ian Curtis biopic this weekend; B&W, Joy Division, Epilepsy and Anton Corbijn? I'm there.

take care.