I am not sure where else to post this but it has been one really devastating night.... seriously, one of the worst by far I think in my life... I am sure that will change in years to come but this is just heartwrenching. To give some information on yesterday (and the previous week) until now, this minute. Kaitlyn has been having a hard time, having alot of seizures... she's on Depakote now which scares the hell out of me but I finally got tired of watching her day after day have more seizures than the day before. I called the neuro back today to find out what to do and to let her know how the Depakote was, well it's working I think but not as well as it should. She is still having multiple seizures a day, mulitple ones a hour... so the neuro said that she needs to be admitted to the hospital tonight or first thing tomorrow morning... well that shouldn't be a big deal except that, that is in St Louis, we live outside of Omaha.... over 8 hrs away, and she has to be admitted until she is only havin 2 or less a day... Well, my husband is out of time off, so that would mean I would have to take both kids to St Louis and I don't know how to make that work, so I was sitting there stressing out about that, the doctor says we need to add another medication... Topomax. Grr.... Well anyway.... last night my dad's step dad passed away, I didn't know him but he's family one way or another... Then tonight as I am sitting there stressing out about Kaitlyn, money.... the $54 we have in our account until NEXT Friday.... and how on earth I can afford to get Kaitlyn to St Louis for the medical care that she needs, my mom sends me a text to call her at the hotel, she is in Indiana trying to get my dad on their transplant list because there is no way he can make it a year without a new liver.... well that's still not it.... I call her, but we are eating dinner so I told her I would call her back. I tried for awhile but the phone was busy. A hour or so passes, I finally get through and it's my dad crying.... more background info (I have these uncles that live in California, they are my saviors... I was in an abusive relationship and my parents were living in Iowa at the time, they came and picked me up from work one day, and said that they were saving my life if I wanted it or not, they took me to their house for the night, cooked me dinner and cried with me about what I had been through, they then took me to the airport and sent me to Omaha to meet my parents there... if it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't be alive today.... with my wonderful family/life... well my uncles..... Lance is my uncle by blood, his partner Lee.... yes... yes.. partner.... well, he's always been around, he's been the voice of reason for my whole life... they are great, they both have AIDS and are aging... Lee had to retire and go on disability just a year ago this month....they send me jewelry whenever the going gets tough, Lee just had Lance buy me these 3 carate earrings for me because I was going through it with Kaitlyn... ) well anyway... back to my crying dad.... he tells me something bad has happened... that Lee died...... I am just broken.... I don't know what to do. Lance is there in California with no one now, his whole world is gone.... Lance's birthday was yesterday, Lee died yesterday but Lance couldn't bring himself to tell anyone or call anyone to come and get Lee. So up until this evening he had been laying there with Lee all night last night and all day today... I am just devastated..... I can feel his pain and there is nothing I can do to make it right..... I am worried about Lance, he said that he was supposed to die first, and that he won't take his anti-virals anymore. I am terrified that he is going to give up now. They were going through alot, they had a foreclosure on their house this year and are having a major struggle..... I just have a pit in my stomach and am really hurting......