So Christopher had his EEG yesterday. The same ladies that did Kaitlyn's 24hr EEG did his sleep deprived one. They are really great there. They remembered us and remembered Kaitlyn. They seem to care which is alot. The place that did Kaitlyn's first one was a children's hospital and they were horrible. This is just a regular hospital, not even a teaching hospital and they are just wonderful. Well until they tell me that something is wrong, then I think less of them (just kidding, I know it's their job). So we had to wake him up at 5:00 AM and keep him awake until we got there. So we did it, and it was torture for him. They hooked him up and started pointing at the screen, talking amongst one another about how "there was a perfect stage 2" etc. Not sure what that meant. Then they kept asking me what all he did, and they kept asking about the rocking and asked if he head banged and threw himself backwards... "Well yes, yes he does..." and he has since he was born pretty much. It's just gotten more and more pronounced since he's got better head and neck control. I really think they saw something based on how they were acting. They did the strobe light test too. I am getting really worried with knowing the results but we won't know anything until next week or so because the neurologist of choice is out of town until then. Go figure, that's why he hasn't returned my calls about Kaitlyn and her increase in seizures and lack of sleeping. Grr.... I just have to remind myself that he really is a good neurologist and that he does seem to care more so than the others that we have seen.

So if Christopher does have E too, what's the next step? I mean can we figure out why they both have it? Or do we just have to accept that they both have it and we will never know if it's genetic. It sure seems like there's something causing them both to have it and have similar problems. I wanted to genetic testing after we had Kaitlyn because of the heart defect and the lack of a soft spot. I said that it seems like something is going on, they referred us to a counselor who agreed but I was never able to get the testing done. Now shouldn't I? I mean, now we have made the choice to not have more children. We orginally wanted to have 4 but I don't think I can handle another 2 with everything that is going on in life. It's depressing to think that. This is all depressing and overwhelming right now. I can't figure out what I am feeling. I can't even decide if I have learned to accept this. I mean I am accepting it and trying to make sure that Kaitlyn lives a normal life without limitations but then there are days where I try to avoid it and think that it's not really happening... then there are days where I sit in self pity for everything that is going on and I blame myself for all of it because of all of the what if's.

I don't know. Sorry if I pissed off anyone with this one. I'm just having a hard time dealing with it and knowing that things will never just be simple with the kids.